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  #1  
Old 05-21-2017, 03:25 AM
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ClaraOswald ClaraOswald is offline
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So, I have continued to lurk for months now and debated off & on starting my own blog thread. Here goes, I guess, lol.

There has been so much that has happened since my last posts. Early in August, while on the way to an annual bike ride on the other side of the state, Moog rolled his car. The thought of what could have happened freaked me out. A lot. I made some more errors in judgement in regards to our whole complicated situation & very nearly lost Capaldi. Over the next few months I left things be for the most part. The next time things were brought up was in December and Capaldi had decided he was willing to give it another try. So since the day after Christmas Moog & I have had this thing. He still has the same viewpoint on his future (ie: moving on at some point into his own mono relationship), to the best of my knowledge so I'm trying to not read too much into anything ATM or overthink things.

Even more recently, as in this morning, Capaldi & I had another discussion. And, after a sleepless night (not entirely related to us), he has had an epiphany. It finally, truly appears that he has gotten over his fear of losing me and is more mellow about the relationship I have with Moog than he has been since the very beginning. He even made a few, um...interesting... suggestions for the future. So, at this point, I'd say things are going rather well. And I hope that continues to be the case.
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Old 05-21-2017, 03:43 AM
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Shaya Shaya is offline
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Good luck Clara.

It's refreshing to see someone take the transition from mono to poly slowly. Far too often this forum sees "I'm so in love I'll destroy everything to obtain it."

For what it's worth, I think you've got the right approach. If this works out well for you, maybe you can help the rest of us work out how to do this properly?

Good luck Clara, you clever clever girl,
Shaya.

ADDIT: Shouldda called your blog title the tardis, because there's more love on the inside.

Last edited by Shaya; 05-21-2017 at 03:46 AM.
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Old 05-21-2017, 08:31 PM
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ClaraOswald ClaraOswald is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shaya View Post

ADDIT: Shouldda called your blog title the tardis, because there's more love on the inside.
Drat it, that's what I get for doing things while tired, lol.
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Old 05-22-2017, 02:53 AM
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The Mods might change it for you if you ask nicely. Or you could just start the blog as a new thread again. That might be easier.
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  #5  
Old 05-28-2017, 02:59 PM
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Busy week. But that's pretty much described the last month. Capaldi went to UofM's first community college summer institute, which was pretty awesome for him. He should have his associate's by next year. And after that it looks like he will be attending UofM for their cyber security program. Four more years & he'll have his master's. :-D And while he was gone I had a couple nights' sleepover with Moog, which was nice.

Our oldest daughter had her state cross country meet. She wasn't in the top 7 for our team, so she ran in the open race. Her younger sister ran with her & they literally ran holding hands for the entire race. Obviously wasn't the 6th grader's PR, but it wasn't a half bad time for the 3rd grader. :-)

Moog's out for a ride with the team from his bike shop until later this afternoon. And then the plan is to go see the new Alien movie, which should be interesting seeing as I have never seen any of the others, lol.
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Old 05-29-2017, 05:13 AM
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Hi Clara,

It's good to see an update. Can I ask how Capaldi handles his insecurity and jealousy, or how you help him handle it? I said before, that I really feel you have a good thing going here. You guys seem to slide into polyamory like an oiled ball on a slippery dip, whereas most previously monogamous couples seem to thrash and flounder like a fish out of water. How did you do it?

I wrote a post on factors that I thought would help and factors that might hinder a previously monogamous couple when they sought to open their relationship. What factors do you feel helped or hindered you? What other factors would you add to this list?
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Old 05-29-2017, 05:39 AM
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I'm not sure there is any insecurity or jealousy left. It's like it just clicked for him that one night that I could love both of them. I'm not entirely sure how this total 180 degree change in thinking occurred, lol. He's even bringing up the idea now of the both of them doing terrible things to me at once, which I never would have thought possible after last year.
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Old 06-04-2017, 02:53 AM
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Anyone else actually ever have the more reluctant partner in a formerly monogamous relationship do a complete 180? I mentioned Capaldi's sudden change of opinion in my last post. And it has gone even from being super mellow about my relationship with Moog, such as it is, to, kinda at my suggestion, creation his own OKC account. He's currently chatting with another lady here in town. Even though I'm the one who initiated the changes in our relationship and don't expect to have the same amount of issues that he had initially, it still feels kind of weird to me.
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Old 06-04-2017, 08:48 AM
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You may have to ask on the relationships forum to get a wider audience.

Your question regarding his 180 is interesting. How long did it take before capaldi mellowed sufficiently to allow you and moog to have sexual relations? If he has been in full control of the speed with which you and Moog are taking this relationship and Capaldi has taken a whole year to get used to the idea, then suddenly going "I'm good with this" ... that kinda makes sense to me actually. If he's been hesitant about it, but you and Moog haven't been able to contain yourselves and have been breaking , pushing or constantly renegotiating boundaries in a manner that makes Capaldi feel like he has no control over the situation, then I can imagine him being very uncomfortable with the situation and a sudden 180 would be very surprising.

In summary, his comfort with the situation is likely to be a reflection of the amount of control he perceives he has had over this relationship, I think. I feel he may be confident in your love for him because of your willingness to put his emotional needs before yours. But I find it hard to really comment on this because there isn't that much information on this blog (which is perfectly fine, it's your blog!).

I'm glad things are working out for you. I really think a lot of us newbies to poly could benefit from learning from your actions over the past year and was hoping you'd be able to share the juicy details of your success with us.

Last edited by Shaya; 06-04-2017 at 09:28 AM.
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  #10  
Old 06-04-2017, 07:58 PM
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I may give that a try. :-)

Well, originally he agreed to give things a try last May and it was shortly after that that things went south. So I tried my best to leave well enough alone for a while. Our current arrangement started the day after Christmas last year. At that time Capaldi's only thing was not wanting to hear things (ie: no fooling around while he was home). So most of Moog's & my time intimate time together has been on his two days off while Capaldi is at work.

Not sure I don't still consider myself a newbie, lol. And I guess I'll call it successful atm. I'm still my own worst enemy because of all the stuff that goes on in my head. Especially when it comes to Moog. I'm secure in my relationship with Capaldi...I would hope after 15 years & 6 kids I would be, but I impatiently want that same feeling with Moog. He's the one that I feel only sees this as a FWB situation, but I've made sure he knows that I'd like more.
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