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  #11  
Old 08-12-2012, 03:52 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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BITS TO COVER EVENTUALLY

(Excerpt from this thread.)

Quote:
I can relate.

We're not at the "let's take the plunge!" place because we are not opening up during active childcare / eldercare phase of life we are in right now. Plates are FULL. And what would my dates do? Help chase my dad around to see if he's cheeking his meds? (laugh)

But we decided to Open Up in Mind and Heart even if not in Body and Soul just yet. Try it on for size in our heads and hearts to see where we are at.

So far?

1) I came out out or lurker mode here to start actively posting and participating. To give something back to a board I've read for years, and to start mingling with people I am not used to communicating with and who are not used to me. Isn't that part of the dating thing? He reads over my shoulder and we try things on for size there -- look at this post prob. How would YOU handle it?

2) We reviewed our rights and responsibilities and updated a bit so they are sleeker. Kicking the tires on that and finding they still can fly.

3) Gotten more formal at bucket checks at my house. "Where you at? In mind? Body? Heart? Soul?" Even the kid is reporting like this. LOL.

4) Gotten more formal at asking for clear wants, needs, and soft/hard limits on things around here. Even if it is just plans for dinner. To get back in shape there. (Child told me she WANTS mac and cheese. She could be ok NEEDING to eat somewhere with no mac and cheese. But she has a HARD LIMIT on sushi because we eat there too much lately and she's bored of it. I giggled -- she was so cute.)

5) Covered Ethical Slut and Opening Up exercises -- or slowly meandering through them. Ditto morethantwo and serolynne.

6) Covered configurations we might want -- V? N? quad? And who dates first? WHEN at the soonest? Because both dating amps the polymath fast, and there's the stress scale to consider. With dad how he is, I'm looking 63 hit points on my character in the game of Life dude -- NOT the time to be Opening, right? Right.

7) Covered the depth/time on these extra-marital rships -- friends with benefits? Other life partner? Cohabitating? what?

8) Who is OFF limits to date - Ex: my mother! My sister! My boss! (that stuff)

9) How "out" we want to be. How to be good spouses to each other (ORE) even when with new Spice (NRE) and how to be decent metamours to the other people.

10) Revisiting old memories of our dating past -- to each other, and not to each other. Sore spots and joys those rships had.

11) Talking about coping with jealousy, illness, std, pregnancy oops, nutjobs, risks, and if opening up causes the breaking up of the marriage. How to split up well.

12) Assumptions, expectations, desires. Reasons for opening up reality-tested.

13) Making repairs on our tier -- spending more time together as a couple to rebond, reconnect, reaffirm. (Eldercare and childcare take a DING on couplecare. We are prioritizing ourselves more.)

14) Building common vocabulary -- to make sure we are on the same page, using the same words that MEAN the same thing.

15) Spending time on polymath and polysaturation, safer sex, etc.


Not done talking and not everything and we are not in any hurry. But in case it helps you.

GalaGirl
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  #12  
Old 08-12-2012, 04:27 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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ON HEARING IT RE-AFFIRMED AND RE-ARTICULATED

Today we had a family date. Took the kid out to lunch and to the movies. We all enjoyed watching Brave.

I was amused that Merida struggles to get to CHOOSE to live her own life the way she sees fit. And I was thrilled that she remains SINGLE at the end of the movie because she hasn't yet chosen. It's her story to write. DH and I both liked that -- not just for kid but for us.

We all get one life. Life is not a dress rehearsal. You really do write your own story and live it like you want to live it.

We were feeling all kooshy. We'd had a heart to heart on the couch about old relationships and jealousies and problems with exes. We'd made love intensely and with some edge play -- after finding second wind somewhere.

On the drive to the restaurant and at lunch we'd been talking over her head. (conversation already in progress: we're talking about Poly & kink)
Me: You know we're playing with two separate things here right?

DH: Yep.

Me: So while that crush is there, take that name off the table for games in the dark to be teasing me with. If I really decide to woo him to be a spotter in a scene, it gets too be too fuzzy border there for me to play like a Jedi in poly world. It's already fuzzy enough. I don't need crossovers yet.

DH: I can see that.

Me: How are you feeling about all that?

DH: Buckets? Mind, body, heart, soul? They are all good.

Me: I know I keep checking in a lot. After a point I'll let it go and then just trust you to articulate if you have a problem. I probably guard your buckets more so than my own as a married.

DH: I know. But I like hearing it spoken out loud. Articulated.

Me: Me too. I need it re-affirmed. That you are ok and on board every step of the way. It's sort of like when we were younger.

DH: Oh?

Me: Yes. Remember we used to do that weather channel thing all the time when we were first learning each other as lovers? "Does this feel good? Do you like this? Is this alright?" Then after a while we let it go and don't bother to check in on that anymore. It's been learned. The common vocabulary there has been established. Some things are also earned -- you can take a lot of liberties I would not have allowed at first.

DH: Yup. It's the same here. Temperature checks. I feel very secure, and good about it. But I do like hearing it out loud.

Me: Cool. I like that you are secure. I feel calm and secure. But I also like hearing it out loud. I'm almost done with my pass through the book.

DH: Which one? Ethical (Slut)?

Me: Yup. You want to go through it alone or together next -- I'm good either way. But I do want to have common vocab built so we're all on the same page. Probably should talk later about covering ground sensibly and doing some exercise in there just for sake of completeness. But yeah... I'm good either way.

DH: Mm. Alright. I know you are good either way. (making a sexy/rude gesture with his hands.)

Me: See now you are just flirting. And not being especially stealthy about it.

DH: Sure I am. It's just YOU who knows what that means. And check it out... it's totally the smile. It goes to the eyes. (We'd been oogling our waitress)

Me: Where? Ah. Agreed. Totally the smile.

DH: (grinning) See? And you didn't have a cow or get all excited.

Me: Why would I have a cow? That's so minor. Remind me later to tell you about major transgressions when things are NOT earned.

DH: Who?

Me: Old relationships -- the first ex.

DH: Ok. Bookmarked it.
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  #13  
Old 08-12-2012, 04:38 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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DH RESPONSE TO MISMATCH

DH emailed me after reading my entry on the mismatch of a monoamorous person with a polyamourous person.

I sent him several other emails in response -- covering mismatch, jealousy and coping with jealousy. I also clarified there's many various pairings there. Even in ethical nonmonogamy -- could be a swinging person with a polyamorous person for instance. There's so many gradients in between -- so much of life is just Spectrum! But for the mismatch I'm talking about? It's the bold.
  • a monoamorous person with a monoamorous person in a relationship

  • a monoamorous person (who knows NOTHING about poly) with a polyamorous person (that just discovered this about themselves AFTER the rship was in full swing)
  • A monoamorous person (who is aware of poly and is NOT poly friendly) with a polyamorous person in rship (knowing all this BEFORE going into the rship)
  • A monoamorous person (who is aware of poly and IS poly friendly) with a polyamorous person in rship (knowing all this BEFORE going into the rship)
  • a polyamorous person with a polyamorous person

I don't think we're done on this conversation (Is any conversation on Deep Thinks ever done?) but it lead to a few in person heart to hearts that honestly? Turn me on. In all the buckets. I have to think on this some more so wanted to save it.

Quote:
Just some random thoughts; it's been some long drives to and fro work and I've been doing it silently just to hear things rattle around in my head.

I'm not too sure if I would characterize myself as poly-friendly (pf) or poly-amorous (pa). I'm also in no rush to do so. There's a joy in exploring that with you. I know that I am definitely friendly (very much so) but I think my only real experience not being an endpoint was that all too brief time in the summer of '93. Was it really poly if two accept it fairly willingly and the third only begrudgingly so (and only because it was "fair"). I don't know and it really only serves to give me some perspective since I haven't exactly remained static over the years.

Even knowing that I am friendly to it doesn't mean that it would be 100% jealously free but that's not exactly a detriment or deterrent. I experienced that in our earlier v's and it wasn't a negative then either though admittedly the stakes are different now. I would like to think that it could be "used for the forces of good".

Just on the pervy-body level it could be pretty interesting; "What, he managed nine fingers? Hrm, only because he has smaller hands!" I would like to know (not just think, but know) that my partner has her needs met on all levels and no one is Superman.

I would hesitate to describe pf <-> pa as a mismatch. A puzzle piece with two/three/four connectors doesn't have join to a likewise piece. Okay, not the best metaphor since I've never seen a puzzle piece with a single connector.

So maybe some nerd wooing is required here.

Look at a simple water molecule (this is a water dragon year after all).

A oxygen atom has two slots in its second electron shell while a hydrogen atom has a single electron in its first. A single oxygen atom plays very nicely with two hydrogen atoms and everyone is very balanced and stable (even the two H's play nice with each other).

Hrm...now that I think of it, you can look at nuclear bonding for all sorts of metaphors; especially when describing more complicated relationships, those that are stable and those that are not.

I love you dearly,
-me

@>---}----

Then he started emailing me pictures of water molecules. Stealth porn. Yay.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 08-12-2012 at 05:04 AM.
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  #14  
Old 08-12-2012, 04:45 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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FLIRTING

DH likes to email me songs lately. He's wooing me. Music is one of his loves because he is an Audio person --learns best through his ears. I'm a Visual learner so he's stuffing in lyrics through my eyes.

He sent me "Growing Up" by Peter Gabriel this week. To mess with my head because of polyamorous configurations we've been playgrounding in our heads -- a "V", and "N", a triad, a quad, etc. Also topics like top space, sub space, female ejaculation, and vaginal fisting.

Yeah. It's delicious alright. That man makes my toes curl. Bliss.

GG
-------
DH's Email:

Quote:
More flirt I think some of the imagery here can deliciously re-interpreted:
Folded in your fleshy purse
I am floating once again
While the muted sounds are pumping rhythm
All the walls close in on me
Pressure's building wave on wave
'til the water breaks - and outside i go, oh

One dot, that's on or off, defines what is and what is not, one dot
Two dot, a pair of eyes, a voice, a touch, complete surprise, two dot

Growing up, growing up,
Looking for a place to live
Growing up, growing up
Looking for a place to live
Growing up, growing up,
Looking for a place to live

My ghost likes to travel so far in the unknown
My ghost likes to travel so deep into your space

Three dot, a trinity, a way to map the universe,
Three dot
Four dot, is what will make a square, a bed to build on, it's all there,
Four dot

My ghost likes to travel so far in the unknown
My ghost likes to travel so deep into your space

All the slow clouds pass us by
Make the Empire State look high
As you take me in your sea-stained sweetness
It spills, it tingles and it stings
All the pleasure that it brings
'til the door has let the outside inside here

Well on the floor there's a long wooden table
On the table there's an open book
On the page there's a detailed drawing
And on the drawing is the name i took

My ghost likes to travel so far in the unknown
My ghost likes to travel so deep into your space

Growing up, growing up,
Looking for a place to live
Growing up, growing up
Looking for a place to live
Growing up, growing up,
Looking for a place to live
Growing up, growing up,
Looking for a place to live

My ghost likes to travel
My ghost likes to travel
Moving inside of your space
My ghost likes to travel
My ghost likes to travel
Moving inside of your space
My ghost likes to travel
Moving inside
My ghost likes to travel
Moving inside of your space
My ghost likes to travel
Moving inside
My ghost likes to travel
Moving inside of your space

The breathing stops, i don't know when
In transition once again
Such a struggle getting through these changes
And it all seems so absurd
To be flying like a bird
When i do not feel I've really landed here
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  #15  
Old 08-13-2012, 09:42 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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MY GAME BOOK: ETHICS IN RELATIONSHIP

My first boyfriend had the simplest agreement:
  • 1) Do not lie to me. Just spit it out and hard truth it to me.
  • 2) Do not cheat on me and cootify me
  • 3) Don't be a ass. Play like honorable Jedi. Whatever it is, barring horrors, we can work it out. Horror being something evil like you being a rapist, serial killer, or BBQing babies. Let's keep it real.

He could not keep it real. He didn't outright lie, but there were lies of omission. He could not hard truth it to me. He never cheated or cootified me. Where he became the biggest ass? Was in not wanting to deal with me in full color. He didn't want to love all of me uncensored – he was young and it was easier for him to cope with conventional than unconventional.

I learned I needed to state full colors from the get go. I hadn't been clear so he didn't know what he was signing up for fully.

I also had not set a firm limit at the outset of the relationship, so breaking up came hard for him. I had not set my limit well. I assumed my limit was his limit for the expected duration of the rship.

And I was too nice in breaking up because I felt bad about not setting clear limit and not giving full colors. So the break up went longer than it needed. Ugh. I was upset with him, myself and the whole relationship. It was like Pigs in Space. Not entirely Muppet Backstage Chaos, but not exactly Jedi either.

So I also learned to break up hard and swift. To set better limits for clearer understanding of the mission being undertaken, and whether or not where would be an option to renew. He had his bag of things to own but so did I.

I got tougher about Loving Hard.

I played the field a bit for a short while with these revised rules – still the spirit of the old rules but more clear on the HOW of execution. This is how you stay in right relationship with me:
  • Do not lie to me. Just spit it out and hard truth it to me. I find this reasonable. If you do not, do not play here.
  • I am not looking for exclusive. Do not cheat on me and cootify me. If one of your others is looking to go loverly, give me the heads up so I can make a decision about my own sex health. I do not get excited unless it is time for me to get excited. Tell me when you have someone new, then tell me again when it looks to go lover. I find this reasonable. If you do not, do not play here.
  • Don't be an ass. Play like honorbale Jedi.
    • Lie? That's a one strike you are out.
    • Anything else? I'm willing to negotiate. But own it. More than 3 times on the same thing? You are not a serious try player. Goodbye. 3 strikes you are out.
  • If you cannot do these things, do not sign up for the mission. We're better off as friends.

I ended up in a dating and then settling into a “V” of a kind. A mono male + poly female + mono male thing with me as the hinge person.

It was fun most of the time. It was interesting. It satisfied for a long while, in many buckets. My friends with benefits became Loves. But eventually I had to narrow down further. It had challenges, mostly good ones. I regret nothing.

The break up with one side was the best break up ever. I was hard and clean and swift. It was first confusing to him and then SO understood by him.

That made it sweet – the bittersweet sweet. Dialing it down to friends and then gentle fading out of my life like he'd gently faded in . Couldn't ask for better parting.

Life with then FWB-then BF-Now DH has been sweetness of another kind.

So a new crossroads as we kick around the idea of Opening A Marriage. Old rules revisited and straightened up. I kept posting them so much in my early posts on this forum as I stepped out of years of lurker-dom that I finally just put it in my profile as a quick link.

But to have it in a post in my story thread in full? Here's my current contract of rights and responsibilities. DH and I play by these in a closed polyship of 2. It would be pretty much same/similar if it were opened. The other parties would be invited to add their things to it to help make it their banner to fly under too. But my bits? They are pretty firm.

I'd have to ask DH if there's anything there he would change.

Quote:
In a relationship (of whatever configuration), the people in it have worth, value, and dignity. It demands respect. You have to TRY to play ball and be in right relationship to your people.

How I roll:

A) No lying. That's a 1 strike you are out.
Any lie of any kind – overt and lies of omission. Don't bother. Hard truth it to me. I may not like the news but I will Listen without shooting the messenger.

B) Anything else I'll negotiate on with 3 strikes you are out. Four times on the SAME issue? You are not a "give serious try" Jedi player who holds up rights and responsibilities in rship. Don't play with me. Bye.

I'll go Dossie Easton-ish for HOW to be a Jedi Player to me in our agreed upon relationship:

You have:
  • The right to clear communication
  • The right to expect support from partner
  • The right to be nurtured
  • The right to get your needs met
  • The right to responsiveness
  • The right to constructive feedback
  • The right to constructive conflict resolution
You are:
  • Responsible for knowing and stating your needs, wants and limits
  • Responsible for knowing your math tiers of this configuration
  • Responsible for following through on promises
  • Responsible for your own and your partner's buckets: mental health, emotional health, physical health, and spiritual health buckets. Carry buckets with minimal slosh. (You are NOT a footloose single any more. Don't ding me intentionally. )
  • Responsible for emergency preparedness
  • Responsible for caring for your own equipment/stuff

Life is NOT a dress rehearsal. Play hard. Play ball.

Love hard like honorable Star Wars Jedi. Not like the Muppet Show.
I love the Muppets, and they are fun to watch on TV. But I don't want to live in Muppet Backstage Chaos all the time.

I want partner(s) with hot ethics, beliefs and values.

Last edited by GalaGirl; 08-13-2012 at 09:47 PM.
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  #16  
Old 08-15-2012, 05:36 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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AGREEMENT ADDENDUM: YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR TELLING

I had a strange night last night. It's crazy timing too because I'm reviewing our agreement of how to be in right relationship.

Without spilling too many beans, a married friend of mine is experiencing problems because they Opened with NO framework. Now they are struggling.

I tried to be a Supportive Friendly Ear to let friend vent. It took hours. It was sad. It was just heartbreaking. I felt so bad for my friend.

But this kind of stuff makes me bonkers. HOW can you be a responsible adult person and Open WITHOUT thinking things through to the best of your ability? You abilities may not take you all the way and may need growing but you at least STOP to work some of that out, right? Not just jump in willy nilly?

I did what I could for my suffering friend and can only hope friend takes charge of their situation in a good way.

But in a rare move, I tacked on a specific even though I feel it is covered under "You have the right to clear communication" and "You are responsible for your own and your partner's buckets"

I put it down in the responsibility bucket too in even more crystal clear fashion.
  • You are responsible for telling if keeping a confidence can hurt someone/is hurting someone

Honestly. They teach my kid this in school all the time about GOOD secret keeping and BAD secret keeping.

It's fine to keep a secret or confidence for a short while so Daddy can have a surprise birthday party. We are not keeping the secret to HURT him.

It is NOT fine to keep a secret or confidence if you know someone is being hurt or could get hurt. Knowingly participating in activities that hurt yourself or your partner or another.

You are supposed to tend your own and your partner's well being right? The buckets of mental health, emotional health, spiritual health, physical health?

But JUST IN CASE YOU ARE TOO STUPID TO KNOW...

We do not keep secrets that can hurt / are hurting someone.

That's so not Jedi. It's not even Muppet. It's not just uncouth.

It's barbaric --- savagely cruel!

Thppppt to that!

GG

Last edited by GalaGirl; 08-15-2012 at 01:03 PM.
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Old 08-15-2012, 06:28 AM
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Thumbs up! Loving that you are taking all these great gems and putting them in one local!
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"Love As Thou Wilt"
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Old 08-15-2012, 07:29 AM
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Thanks -- It helps me keep a line on it all for me too.

GG
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Old 08-15-2012, 07:50 AM
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A TENDER MOMENT OF COMPERSION

I am exhausted. We were talking while cleaning the bedroom and preparing for the delivery of the new bed tomorrow. And it eventually led to a heart-to-heart thing. And I have to sit with all that and digest it. But I wanted to capture a feeling snapshot.

In the course of conversation, I mentioned my ex. We were playgrounding the "what people are off limits?" Obvious people NOT to date would be like my parents or his boss. But what about the fuzzy people? Existing friends? Exes?

We bookmarked that conversation to explore more deeply at a later date but I mentioned his ex and I know I'd have a problem there. He said he would have a problem himself there. I'd mentioned another of my exes that I'd have a problem with too. He shrugged.

Then I asked what happens if we are not in agreement -- say I have a problem with his ex and he wants to go there anyway. THEN what? He said "Ah. Right. I see your point."

Many sticky wickets to navigate, no?

Then I mentioned the exBF that had been in the V.

DH: I know we'll have a deeper conversation on that one later but just so you know? Right now? I'd be ok with that one. And I don't even know him all that well -- back then or now. But you? The smile goes to the eyes whenever you think of him. Even 20 years later. And I love seeing you smile like that.

Me: Well... um.... yah. (*headwedgiecumstars*)

DH: Hee hee.

Me: Just so YOU know? We'll talk. But that is SO not happening right now. Too many years and it would have to start all over like from ground zero. It's not just pick up where we left off. All of us have changed. And NOTHING ruins good ghost memories like trying to go back to the well too many times. I hate that.

DH: I know. But just so you know? I'd be alright with you exploring that one if you decided you wanted to come to me to negotiate that one. Because it still goes to the eyes.

Me: Gah! Cut it OUT. But yeah.... to the eyes. THIS is why the poly thing. And STOP looking at my eyes. I want to stuff my head under a pillow! Gah!

He just laughed.

I rarely blush. If I could really stuff my head under a pillow as I type this I would.

I burn! That intense pleasure BURN.

But THIS is the why for me. It's not just the kooshy compersion thing. It's being understood to the bone thing. My partner gets me in mind, body, heart, and soul to the fucking bone.

Unbearable sweetness. Horrible! Wonderful!

Me: UGH!!!!! Horrible man!

DH: Hee hee.

Me: See? And if I could have two of you like this? I would be SOOO great then.

DH: Yup. And I'd be in trouble with all the "wheee!" flying around. I'd need it just to get a break from you and your wheee. 'Help! Help! Come help me and take some of the load off me, please! She's gonna kill me with all her whee!'

Me: Argh. Horrible man!

DH: Hahaha. We need to sleep because there's too much tomorrow. Such a shame.

Me: Why?

DH: New bed coming. Last night on this one. It's our last chance to try to finish breaking it.

Me: Argh! Horrible man! You dare! I will get you!

DH: I know. I dare a lot of things. Like this...

It devolved into smoochies and a promise/threat for more shenanigans later. Because we really must sleep.

But yeah. Totally stuffing my head under a pillow now. Yay.

GalaGirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 08-15-2012 at 07:06 PM.
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Old 08-15-2012, 07:12 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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TECHNIQUE: ON CHECKING ALL THE BUCKETS

(Excerpt from this post.)

I believe people are mind, body, heart and soul. I call those the health buckets. Mental health, physical health, emotional health, and spiritual health. Together they make the metabucket person -- the whole person and their whole well being.

At my house it is not unusual to ask for bucket checks. We even teach this to the kid.

She rolls her eyes and thinks I'm insane but that's fine. When she's older I'll suddenly be genius again.

And I've had to teach people in my real life the bucket thing. It helps break something down to bite size sometimes... even to oneself when doing some soul searching.

Quote:
My DH was NOT great at articulation at the start. It isn't so much that he cannot articulate. It is that he comes from a background where articulation put you in the dog house. It took him a while to believe and then do and then see that I am different.

YES, if you tell me something I do not like to hear I may have a minor side GRRR moment. I still welcome the news. No, you are not in the dog house. I just need to steam valve on the side for a moment before I can return to this thing and address it like a sane person. I go ballistic at information withheld. I do not go ballistic at information given that I don't love to hear. There IS a difference.

He often would say "I don't know." To hem and haw and hedge his bets. He doesn't do that any more and he's much more up front but sometimes he gets stuck. To this day it still helps when he goes "I don't know" to ask him for his buckets.

"Alright. You do not know the metabucket answer from all your health buckets combined. Gimme the buckets separate then. How are you on this ...
  • In your BODY? Anything tense? Hurting? Stomach butterflies? Relaxed?
  • In your MIND? Mind racing and won't shut up? Mind stuck or slow as molasses?
  • In your HEART? Is it dark in there? Heavy? Sweetness and light?
  • In your SOUL? Hang time at the forge? Soaring? Where is spirit?


The other day I asked him on a minor issue -- "Hey, where you at? Can I go out to coffee with a friend?"

He goes "I don't know."

I sigh and go "Gimme buckets."

He thinks. Then answers slowly.

"Well... my body is tired. It was a long day at work. I did not sleep well last night. My mind heart is full and content. My brain is fried. I have crazy clients. You would not even believe! My soul? Um. My soul is peaceful. Content?"

I respond "So I'm getting 2 counts of tired, and 2 neutrals. So you really ought to nap and skip parenting duty tonight. And I really ought to schedule my date with the gals for later in the week so you have a chance to rest. Is that the ball park we are in?"

He blinks. "Um... yah?"

"Great! You get nap, I get to carry on and fix my calendar. Thanks!"

And I go off to do my thing cheerfully. And he gets to nap cheerfully. And nobody has any cows. All well with the world.

But seriously he used to make me CRAZY with the "I don't know" thing. It is fine not to know and need extra time to sort that out. If that is TRUE.

But do not default there because you wish to avoid having to think or do the work required to give me my right to clear communication. Do not avoid, shirk, or obfuscate. Just SPIT IT OUT. So I can know where we stand and I can move on to dealing with whatever it is on my end of the equation.

And I have a drop dead date -- because if I need to move a thing forward and make a decision and your indecision is holding me up? Then I need to move without taking your information on board then. And you cannot get mad at me for doing that because YOU declined to exercise your right/opportunity to get your information ON BOARD.

Everyone holds their own bag!

Maybe try the technique of asking him for his buckets separately rather than the Meta-bucket of all things combined in one answer? Get a better temperature check in bite sizes?

GalaGirl

I've been lucky enough to experience body orgasms flying solo or in partnered sex. I've been lucky enough to have heartgasms and headgasms with lovers and friends. A few times I've been lucky enough to have me a soulgasm. Sometimes even 2 out of the 4. Or 3 out the four.

But in that Metabucket place? All areas at once? The Metagasm 4 out of 4 buckets set fire to at once?

Oh, my,my. Oh, HELL, yes!

And that's been with one person -- DH. And it took years to get there. Decades even. But then that is getting to what Old Relationship Energy feels like to me. Some things are earned. And that's a whole other topic.

Last edited by GalaGirl; 08-15-2012 at 08:23 PM.
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