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  #11  
Old 08-10-2012, 05:14 PM
katja24 katja24 is offline
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I have another issue as well: Lacy has been trying to get in touch with me about once a week. She texts me, and every time she does, I have the same reaction: I get totally emotionally flooded, and I end up feeling crummy the rest of the day. My counselor suggested being very direct and requesting that she stop contacting me. Thoughts?
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  #12  
Old 08-10-2012, 05:29 PM
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What NYCindie said

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Originally Posted by katja24 View Post
I have another issue as well: Lacy has been trying to get in touch with me about once a week. She texts me, and every time she does, I have the same reaction: I get totally emotionally flooded, and I end up feeling crummy the rest of the day. My counselor suggested being very direct and requesting that she stop contacting me. Thoughts?
Frankly my advice is much the same as before. Tell her you need some space and to try again in 2 weeks and see how it goes. Then at 1 week 6 days, send her a text first or even call her and see how it goes, even if it's to say "I'm sorry, I'm still struggling with this, let's try again next Saturday."

This shows:
Your not just blowing her off
Your not just hiding in a hole somewhere
You are trying to work through this
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  #13  
Old 08-10-2012, 05:37 PM
katja24 katja24 is offline
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I think that is great advice if I wanted to continue seeing her. But I broke up with her almost a month ago. I want to heal and move on. I am not interested in seeing her or having a relationship with her. And hearing from her randomly means that whatever pieces I have picked up get thrown back on the floor. Maybe I just answered my own question...
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Old 08-10-2012, 06:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by katja24 View Post
I think that is great advice if I wanted to continue seeing her. But I broke up with her almost a month ago. I want to heal and move on. I am not interested in seeing her or having a relationship with her. And hearing from her randomly means that whatever pieces I have picked up get thrown back on the floor. Maybe I just answered my own question...
My mistake, but it does sound like your husband is still in contact with her and therefore at some point you might have to deal with her as your metamour. The time limits might have to be different, but knowing when the contact will happen will allow you to prepare yourself and not allow all the pieces to fall to the floor. Do not allow the contact to be random. If you send out the first contact, it will be on your terms, your topic, not hers you have control. No sitting waiting in fear of random messages.
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Old 08-10-2012, 07:33 PM
katja24 katja24 is offline
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Yes, I agree with you... I need to take control of the contact, at least for now.

I am also wondering: I can ask J to not text or call her when we are together for the next two weeks, but what about the two of them getting together in the next two weeks? That floods me completely. It doesn't seem fair to him to ask him to not see her for the next two weeks, but I also feel that it would be unfair to me since I am the one that needs to heal and repair from the break up.
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Old 08-10-2012, 08:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by katja24 View Post
I am also wondering: I can ask J to not text or call her when we are together for the next two weeks, but what about the two of them getting together in the next two weeks? That floods me completely. It doesn't seem fair to him to ask him to not see her for the next two weeks, but I also feel that it would be unfair to me since I am the one that needs to heal and repair from the break up.
Ask J! Only he can tell you if he thinks it's unreasonable. Say, just what you said here. He may actually have a compromise you haven't thought of yet.
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