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Old 08-06-2012, 01:33 AM
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nightrush nightrush is offline
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Originally Posted by CielDuMatin View Post
So you have unilaterally decided to renege on your commitment, because it doesn't suit you any more.

If I were A, I wouldn't be very happy about the fact that you didn't hold up to this commitment.

Did they agree to this new requirement at all?

B understands now why i require that and is in agreement with me. Nothing was ever on paper, we just had talked about it being that way, both B and i.

A at one point was going to leave B's house (thats whos house we will all live in) and let us live there and be happy... again..complicated...my head hurts
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Old 08-06-2012, 02:10 AM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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I just have one thought. It's not really unconditional if the condition is 'everyone has to be equal.' or whatever the condition is.

Personally, I don't believe in unconditional love. Well, that's not quite right. I believe in unconditional love, but I absolutely do not believe in unconditional relationships. I will love CBF forever, and I will always forgive him anything. What I won't do is live with him until conditions are met. I had to get over the condition that someone I loved should grow into living with me, in order for me to love FBF again. I love everyone that I've ever loved, I can't help loving them. However, most of them are gone from my life, and not nearly all of them are gone because I put them out. They left. Doesn't mean I don't love them. I couldn't meet their conditions.
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who now lives in a house far away-with stairs I can't climb)
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Old 08-06-2012, 02:30 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is online now
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I guess I just do not see it as complicated. Hard to feel, sure. Hard to articulate, sure. But basically it boils down to everyone sitting down to SPIT IT OUT.

First: Where do we come from?
Take the tally, hold into account on the old system what needs to be held. What played well? What did not? What do we keep moving forward? What has to be discarded.
Next up: What are we?

Wants, needs, limits from each of the cast of characters please. We've evolved, we have grown. What are we NOW? In this time? In this place?
Next up: Where are we going?
Given the first two bits, what do we want to be next? What is the best next configuration? Is everyone on board? Everyone in or out -- honestly? How do we best navigate changes/transition? What negotiation does there need to be?
Because there is a time and place for everything. And everything in its time and place. And you may come to find that stars align and can move it forward now. Or it may be the right time, but not the place. Or the right place in your lives but not the best time. Or some time of mix and match with the players -- some at right place/time in their lives for this change and others just not.

Hang in there. Breathe. Take it slow. But an honest assessment of all people needs to happen.

And I find these conversations are easier when people take a breath, and Speak Their Truth to THEMSELVES first. Then to their Others... out loud. If even at a whisper.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 08-06-2012 at 01:39 PM.
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Old 08-06-2012, 01:04 PM
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nightrush nightrush is offline
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Thank you all for your advice and kind words during this transition period.

I do believe in unconditional love, however that does not mean i have to be with that person. I love Ex partner A and he will always hold a place in my heart, however i know that we are past that period of romantic love. Am i open to it coming back to a closed triad, yes. Do i expect it, no. However, without that little bit of hope, what else is there to live for? When logic fails, what else can i use to prop myself up and continue to move forward other than faith and hope.

We are all sitting down tonight and discussing where we can go from here. I have made my conditions clear and i know i am putting a lot of pressure on partner B, however, i feel it is wrong to allow someone to be left in the dark on the stance of everything for such a long period of time.
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Old 08-06-2012, 01:17 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Location: Upstate New York, USA
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As a suggestion, in order to make this less confrontational, I would suggest that you use the language of your "needs" and "wants" rather than your "conditions". Each person needs to feel free to put their own needs and wants on the table and then the three of you can work together to see what (if anything) is possible that meets all the needs.

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
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