Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old 08-03-2012, 11:23 PM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,290
Default

I'm sorry you are hurting Mag.
I don't know if you remember my story.

But, I cheated.

It's been a long haul to make up for the damage I caused. OBVIOUSLY there is some I simply can't ever fix. Not ever.

I don't know if either of them is willing or interested in actually putting in the time and effort to EARN your forgiveness.

But I do know that you deserve to be treated with respect, honor and honesty. If they can't or won't commit to facing the fact that they didn't live up to that standard, and that they owe you much more than a "oh, sorry" response, it's not worth your time.

There is a LOT LOT LOT of work for a cheater if they want to make true amends.

Mono and I have both written EXTENSIVELY on this board regarding that topic as we both have cheated in the past.

Don't let them off without doing the work.

YOU DESERVE to be angry.
YOU DESERVE to be hurt.
YOU DESERVE to be distrustful.
YOU DESERVE to be heard as you express these emotions.
YOU DESERVE how ever long it takes you to work through those emotions.

Don't sell yourself short.
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 08-04-2012, 05:51 PM
Magdalena Magdalena is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 27
Default

I am still realing from the betrayal of my husband. However I am shocked at her attitude about it. I am so glad that we found out just how crazy she is. I confronted her and I was very angry (obviously) as they had both earned my trust. She contacted my husband and was furious that he gave me the access to their secret account without telling HER first. She was also pissed that he didnt wait till the weekend as they had planned. She was very apologetic to me, but then behind my back (again) she told him that she had to endure hours of MY shit! Can you imagine? She has NO remorse at all, she says that she owns her part, but honestly she is not showing it. I was seeing these inconsistencies before and was having a few concerns, but I had NO idea she was this self absorbed.

He had told her in the beginning that he would tell me about what was going on, and she agreed. My husband is very remorseful and is begging for forgiveness, she said to me "Why should I be remorseful Really? Wow, the denial is staggering. So she is gone forever out of the picture, as for him, its still up in the air. I am not sure I can ever get over that type of betrayal.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 08-04-2012, 06:15 PM
snowmelt snowmelt is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 166
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdalena View Post
So she is gone forever out of the picture, as for him, its still up in the air. I am not sure I can ever get over that type of betrayal.
I know your life is a roller coaster of emotions right now. I like the boundaries you have up. I highly recommend taking as much time to process this as you need to before making any major life changing decisions. Although he is the one who cheated, the decisions you have to make will deeply affect you as well. Don't make them out of fear or anger. Take as much time as you need to make sure you make those decisions from a place where you can clearly see what works for you.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 09-13-2012, 07:48 PM
Magdalena Magdalena is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 27
Default

Update: So after much discussion, tears, screaming, yelling and loving, we have decided to stay together and try to work this marriage out. Also, after a lot of thought on my part, I realized that people are human. I thought about two of my closest friends that are the other women in this very type of situation. I thought about how I love them and know they are good women, that have found themselves in love with men that are taken. I know many, many people that have made these same mistakes, and yet they are good people in every way. So we decided to put her on friend status. So far it seems to be working ok, healing slowly. There are days I feel awesome, and then there are days I am full of anxiety and fear. Love is not always pretty and easy, sometimes its downright painful and dirty. Thanks for this forum and all your help Poly people..Hugs.

Mags.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 09-14-2012, 12:28 AM
jasaty's Avatar
jasaty jasaty is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 22
Default

I'm glad you've been able to talk and work things out. I can only imagine how hard it has been. I know I haven't been here long at all, but I know this forum has been very helpful and supportive.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 06:29 AM.