Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner


Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 09-12-2012, 02:18 PM
coreymcdonald855 coreymcdonald855 is offline
New Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1
Default New

Hey all! Firstly, let me say I'm glad to be here and I can't tell you how fortunate I feel that there is a supportive community out here. Secondly, I have questions and concerns about this relatively new undertaking regarding my relationship. My wife and I have been married for just over 4 years now and the last 2 have been more than rough. From screaming matches to the fact that she used to be a bit physically abusive (I know, right?) which, for all intensive purposes, is water under the bridge. We've since worked things out. Well, we actually just took the drama out and BAM! Boredom. She's bored, no interest in sex, argues all the time. I'm bored, no interest in giving her the time of day, plus I live about 2 1/2 hours away (I'm at college, she's at home). Last night, she brought up something we had discussed about a year ago after a wild night with our friends: Opening the relationship. I have class in half an hour, so I can't give this the attention it really deserves, but I'll try to express my concerns briefly. Ok, one concern, briefly. Jealousy. I know it's a bit of an illogical emotion, but it is still an emotion. So far, no amount of critical thinking had alleviated the awful feeling I get when I imagine some stud humping my wife. The only time I was okay with (enjoyed) it was that one night, because I was INVOLVED and we were both enjoying ourselves TOGETHER. But that isn't really feasible with the distance. Anyways, I want to get more in depth, but class is calling. Thank you for the helpful advice I am sure will follow. And thank you again for being here. More to come soon. Adios.

Last edited by coreymcdonald855; 09-12-2012 at 04:25 PM.
Reply With Quote
Old 09-12-2012, 06:33 PM
MusicalRose's Avatar
MusicalRose MusicalRose is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Central Ohio
Posts: 405

I really only have a short answer to your question, but it is the observation I have made that poly will NEVER fix a failing relationship nor will it help to strengthen any existing weaknesses. Even the most balanced couples can be knocked out of whack by all the new dynamics that it introduces. It is a huge risk to be taking for couples who are already having major problems.

I'd advise maybe seeking some professional counseling to see if you two can't come to a more balanced and compatible point before attempting something like this.

Do you two have an end game for your long distance relationship? When will you be able to live near each other?
Reply With Quote
Old 09-12-2012, 11:09 PM
MzWiz MzWiz is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Eastern Canada
Posts: 22

I agree with MusicalRose
If you have a pitcher to hold water, and it has holes, no matter how much water you put in, it will never be full, it'll just make a bigger mess
Reply With Quote
Old 09-13-2012, 04:23 PM
AnnabelMore's Avatar
AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285

I gotta ask, why are you married to someone who used to hurt you, when you're not interested in each other? What do you two get out of this? Maybe it was just a mistake?

Don't drag another person into this mess until you sort yourselves out, it's not fair.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
Reply With Quote
Old 09-14-2012, 12:35 AM
jasaty's Avatar
jasaty jasaty is offline
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 22

I agree, if you two aren't happy together then bringing someone else in will not help at all. I think you should take a step back and really look at your relationship and decide if you even want to be together.
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 12:02 PM.