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Old 06-21-2014, 03:07 PM
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Iceley Iceley is offline
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Default Tangled Up, So in Love, and Sweet Tea Kissin' Off of Her Lips

Chapters 1-10: First Marriage, Bicuriosity, Exploration, New Relationship, Disintegrating Marriage, Realization of Different Worldviews, Letting Go, Annulment, Healing, and New Beginnings

Call me Iceley. I'm 27. No kids. Just two puppies. Married to Lillit for four months. I'm a Southern girl from the top of my head to my toes. I was raised in the Baptist church and converted to Catholicism prior to my first marriage. I never questioned monogamous relationships. I didn't expect polyamory to play a role in my life. Until it did.

I married the guy I dated thru high school and college. We had a cute story. High school and college sweethearts. We were going to raise kids, live in suburbia, drive a minivan, and love each other forever and ever. He was the guy next door, came from a good family, and marriage and kids seemed like the next steps. He was a good guy and treated me like his queen. There was pressure from both families. Nine years of dating and no ring? My family was pressed for him to make an honorable woman out of me. I come from a town where if you aren't married or knocked up by 21, you're failing at life. The ins and outs of small town life. My family acted like my name was LeBron James, and I was still waiting for a ring after being on the "team" for years. We did eventually get married. It was a happy occasion. The first two months were happy. I started questioning my feelings for women less than three months after the wedding. I confided in my ex-h about wanting to explore those feelings. I never told him I was polyamorous or even wanted multiple partners. I didn't start off with the intention of having more than one partner. Until I did.

My journey of self-discovery and exploration started. I was crushing on my brother, Aristides's, girlfriend, Lillit. Lillit had been around since I was an acne and brace faced teenager. I was past the braces, acne, and goofy, painfully awkward teen angst years. She started looking at me in a grown and sophisticated light. I started looking at her as something other than a sisterly figure. She came on to me while we were out one night. The chemistry was undeniable. We backed away before it went too far. Lillit was 1/3 of a closed triad involving Aristides and his wife, Briseis. Cheating wasn't something I was down with. We had conversations with our partners in the months following. My ex-h was down as long as it was just physical and not emotional. We all agreed to do testing. It happened out of the blue. The aftermath was the proverbial opening of Pandora's box. There was no turning back because Lillit and I were spending time together in and out of the bed. I didn't expect to fall for Lillit or for sex to even happen more than once. Until I did and it did. Lillit and I wanted a romantic relationship. Aristides and Briseis were happy. My ex-h disapproved and struggled following the revelation that I was falling in love with Lillit.

My and my ex-h's marriage went belly up. My ex-h wanted the monogamous marriage back. I wanted to be with him and her. We tried couples counseling. We tried D.A.D.T. I was living a double life and hiding what I was doing every time I was with Lillit. He pretended like my relationship with Lillit wasn't a reality. It pained me to see the hurt in his eyes. I couldn't force him to stay in a marriage that was making him unhappy. I weighed the options and accepted that I had to let him go. Our worldviews were incompatible and leading to heartbreak, sadness, and misery. My ex-h and I tried to hold on to something that wasn't good for him or me. I loved him. He loved me. I did the hardest thing I've ever had to do in asking him for a divorce. I didn't want him to hate me. I didn't choose her over him. He couldn't accept me for what I had become. We were on a one-way trip to Splitsville with or without Lillit being in my life. I couldn't ignore the changes in myself. My ex-h and I separated before our first anniversary. We wanted to minimize the longevity and pain, so we sought an annulment. The legal side was painless. The diocese wasn't speedy in how they handled it. We were separated and in the nullification period longer than we were actively married. My ex-h and I are friends. Strange, I know. We've both moved on. I'll talk about my second marriage over time. Its been a ride.

This is how I first experienced polyamory. I'm polyamory friendly. Being the monogamous one in a polyamorous marriage presents its own special challenges. Mama didn't tell me there would be days like that. Hang on for the ride. The going is about to get good.
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Iceley: late 20s, monogamous and poly-friendly, wife of Lillit
Lillit: late 30s, polyamorous, married to me, in a long-distance triad with Artisides and Briseis
Aristides: early 40s, brother & metamour, polyamorous, married to Briseis
Briseis: late 30s, sister in law & metamour, polyamorous, and third leg of the triad

Last edited by Iceley; 06-21-2014 at 03:41 PM.
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Old 06-21-2014, 04:43 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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I'm hooked! Can't wait for the next installment....
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Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
TT: poly male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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Old 06-21-2014, 07:04 PM
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swirlingnurse swirlingnurse is offline
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This is fantastic! I got my popcorn and I"m ready for more!
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I am D, a bisexual Cougar (white)
J is my younger, heterosexual husband (black)
P is my younger, heterosexual boyfriend (black)
S is my bisexual best friend and girlfriend (white)
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Old 06-25-2014, 04:21 AM
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Iceley Iceley is offline
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Chapters 11-15: U-Haul Lesbians, Rumor Has It, Secret Engagement, Coming Out to Both Families, & the Decision to Elope.

We've had a lot go down in the 3+ years we've been together. Can't talk about the present without touching on our history.

Lillit invited me to move in her home to help me save money after I separated from my ex-h. We hadn't been together but a hot second. Some people call lesbians who move in together super fast U-Haulers. Funny term. I loved the idea. It wasn't considered a serious step in our relationship. F.Y.I. I lived in a little podunk town where Sonic, Wal-Mart, and Mickey D's were the hangouts. Nightlife? Jokes. The was small enough to have a rumor mill. Moving out of that town was a hideaway from all the judgement and criticism I was facing post-separation. Lillit stood by me during the separation, backlash, and endless annulment. She offered space for me to grieve for the failed union.

Lillit and I kept our relationship a secret until the Declaration of Nullity was issued from the Tribunal. My family and her parents thought we were room mates. Living in the city meant we were free to go out on dates, be affectionate, and not have to hide. How long did we wait for the civil and religious annulments? Civil took a year. Religious? Y'all, we were still married in the eyes of the church for three wedding anniversaries. We split before the first one. Ain't that a blip?

No one knew why my ex-h and I had split. They all speculated. Some folks took teams. #TeamIce and #TeamExH. Some were still holding out hope. It was scandalous enough because I had just had this big fancy schmancy wedding and was seeking to invalidate that same union the same year. The mill spit out rumors like chewing tobacco. Rumors of cheating. Rumors of him being gay. Rumors of him being impotent. Rumors of my inability to have a baby. Rumors about us having gambling issues, money troubles, substance abuse problems, and any thing that could break a solid couple. None of that was true. The rumor mill would've branded me a shameless harlot or heathen and Lillit a homewrecking jezebel, who couldn't respect the institution of marriage, if it was even suspected that I had left my ex-h for Lillit. I didn't but who would've been trying to hear that? Ins and outs of small town life, I tell you.

Lillit and I were engaged before my annulment was final. The balls of this shameless harlot. Heh. Mama must've not raised me better than that. We decided to tell our parents about our relationship before everything was a done deal. Mama was confused as all get out by me and the abrupt end to my marriage. She suspected something was up. I came out to mama as being a lesbian, in a long-term polyamorous relationship with Lillit, and about the engagement. Mama asked me if I would marry Lillit even if she didn't approve of what we were doing. I told her yes, ma'am. She hugged me and we cried together. We might not have even been crying for the same reason, but it felt nice.

It was a huge deal to tell Lillit's parents. They don't know about her being with Briseis and Aristides. She has been with them more than half of my life. They only know of them as friends. I thought Lillit was just saying what most people said when she said her dad wouldn't understand. Lillt's dad once refused to accept her being bisexual. He arranged a marriage for her in his birth country, so she wouldn't disgrace the family's honor. He said her sexuality was a result of western brainwashing. He wouldn't stand for it. She refused marry the guy and stood up to her father. I don't know all the ins and outs, but I do know he has come around in the 21 years since then. Telling him about our relationship and engagement was a helluva risk. A risk that paid off but a risk. Polyamory? That's enough to get you arrested in his home country. A woman was arrested weeks ago for being in a vee with two men. Repressed ain't even the word for that society or the religious teachings they follow. Lillit's choice to continue keeping her parents in the dark about her relationships with Briseis and Aristides is one she's thought about for years. Her decision to be honest with them about me has resulted in coldness aimed at me from Briseis. It didn't used to be that way.

I didn't know how my family would react to the three bombshells. Most people came to one or two of three conclusions: I cheated on my ex-h with Lillit and that was why the marriage ended, she was a rebound, or I was a closeted lesbian who married a guy to make 'em hush up.

Being part of a polyamorous relationship completely went over most people's heads. People were confused about me being a lesbian. They got over it, and the questions about the wedding started soon after. When? Where? What are you going to wear? Have you created a registry? Can I host your bridal shower? We're going to the Turks and Caicos for your bachelorette party! What kind of cake do you want? Can I sing at your wedding? Who is your dress by? What's your budget? Where are you honeymooning? Do you want a religious and non-denominational ceremony? Can my kid be your flower girl? What are your wedding colors? What's on the menu? Have you hired a florist? Have you found a venue? My cousin's aunt's baby daddy's nephew twice removed wants to cater! It was overwhelming. Lillit and I retreated. I had already had the big church wedding. I didn't want that again. Lillit told me I could have my dream wedding but the kinda wedding she wanted was one that would make me her wife. After the fire brigade of questions, the light bulb came on. Elopement.

What's a wedding without some drama and coldness from a metamour? Not everyone was happy about us doing things on our terms.
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Iceley: late 20s, monogamous and poly-friendly, wife of Lillit
Lillit: late 30s, polyamorous, married to me, in a long-distance triad with Artisides and Briseis
Aristides: early 40s, brother & metamour, polyamorous, married to Briseis
Briseis: late 30s, sister in law & metamour, polyamorous, and third leg of the triad
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Old 08-20-2014, 12:25 AM
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Iceley Iceley is offline
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Chapters 16-21 The Elopement, Fallout with Briseis, Relocation and the Start of a L.D. Triad, the First Visit Overseas, Newlywed but Single Life, and I Was Jealous

Deciding to elope was easy. I would've been happy in a baseball cap and jeans. Pulling a formal ceremony together in two months? Work, work, work. We decided to include our parents. My metamours were salty about this. More on that down the entry. Lillit is an only child. I would've felt pretty doggone bad if I had married her and told them after. Her dad wanted to attend. We didn't feel right inviting just one parent, so we invited them all. We decided to conduct the civil ceremony and fly to a remote location for the symbolic ceremony. Destination Elopement was a secret to everyone accept our parents and those who helped plan it. We found a resort that we loved in Cambodia. Offbeat, I know. Thru e-mails and research, we discovered that they were LGBTQ friendly and no request was too big or small. The staff handled the A to Z's of the ceremony and dinner reception.

We took off for our vacay. Our friends thought we just wanted to get away from the cold weather. Our civil ceremony in New York was short and straight to the point. We didn't exchange rings until the second ceremony. How did we celebrate? We ate lunch at Buttermilk Channel before we headed to the airport. Our wedding night and the following day? Spent entirely on planes. No mile high club mischief. Most romantic wedding night, huh? Our party made it to our destination the evening before our wedding. It worked out so that we were able to sleep overnight and wake up fresh on the local time.

I spent most of the day with my parents and getting ready. In keeping with the different faiths of our parents and our interfaith marriage, we incorporated traditions from each heritage and religion present. After I was dressed, dad put my shoes on. Tradition in Armenia says the closest male relative puts a bride's shoes on. Mama and Lillit's mama put my veil on. Tradition says a woman who has been happily married for a long time puts the bride's veil on. As a nod to her father's culture, our hands and feet were painted with henna before we left. For my Catholic faith, my bouquet was laced with grandma's rosary beads. My nod to dad, African-American roots, and Baptist upbringing? Jumping the broom. Our ceremony was the way we wanted it to be.

Happiness was short lived when we returned home. Aristides and Briseis weren't happy with our elopement and the fact that we left them out of it. Just like mofos to make it all about themselves. Lillit and I didn't set out to offend them. We wanted a moment that was just ours and not for all of us. We just wanted that one thing that we could call ours. Talking about we should've talked to them before we eloped. Can I live and breathe without sharing every waking moment with them? Fall back. We didn't feel like we needed to ask for permission or seek approval. I'm a grown woman. What do I look like asking for permission from a metamour to marry my fiancee? She doesn't own Lillit.

Far as I was concerned, we didn't need to talk about anything that wasn't going to affect their triad. Their triad has been together for 16 years. I've only been around for 1/4 of that time. I've never had veto power or considered myself more important than either of them. What difference was it going make if I was a girlfriend, fiancee, or wife? In the years I have been around, never have I ever interfered in their relationships or meddled. Like a ring was going to change that? Girl, bye. My metamour needs to check herself and her insecurities. Quit projecting that mess on to me. I know my role, play it well, and I'm confident in it. Do you, boo?

Two strikes were against me when it came to Briseis and Aristides: Lillit's parents know about me and I married Lillit without including them. Wonk, wonk, wonk. I wanted to and STILL want to tell Briseis to build a chair, take some steps back, and have a seat. So as y'all can see, Briseis and I aren't on a breezy note right now. She can stay away from me. It won't hurt my feelings at all. Sad how we used to be good friends and closer than blood sisters.

Newlywed life has been a ride. Aristides and Briseis relocated a month after the elopement. The entire group knew when it was going to happen. The biggest changes were for Lillit. Two out of three of her partners were moving away. Lillit went thru it. The three of them decided to stay together and maintain L.D.Rs. The changes spilled over into our marriage. Lillit was bummed out and withdrawn. It brought down any joy I had about being married again. She was distracted and too distant to be emotionally or mentally involved. As a new wife, it didn't make me feel I was on my P's and Q's. I slick felt like I was bombing my second marriage and maybe this marriage thing wasn't for me. I didn't know how to support Lillit, and it wasn't something I could make better. I felt helpless. I casually suggested she use some vacation time and go visit them. She apologized for being unavailable to me. She promised to do better, and she stuck by her word.

Lillit talked to Aristides and Briseis. Briseis's schedule was more flexible because her new job hadn't started at that point. Lillit talked with me about when she was looking at visiting. I was thinking a week or two. Oh no no no, darlin'. Try much longer. She ended up spending the entire month of June and the first two weeks of July with them. Lillit's one of those employees who doesn't use her time but once or twice a year. Can I file this visit idea under things that sounded good but are trash in practice?

I was down with her going. I understood that she had to tend to those relationships. Hey. I get to sleep next to her every night. I get to eat breakfast with her. I get to watch bad Lifetime movies with her and kiss her every day. They should get those same chances. What was six weeks? I dead ass recreated the Stepbrothers scene after they had built the bunk beds. My mind was thinking, "I'm going to have so much time and space in my life for activities." Y'all that lasted a good week before I was tired of sleeping alone, going to dinner with my girlfriends, spending money on concerts, and blah blah blah. I was going thru the motions to distract myself. I told my girlfriends that I was tired of seeing the same bum, broke and fake balling ass dudes at Prive. I was tired of the awful service and overpriced meals at places like Grand Lux Cafe. I loved spending time with them. They just weren't her. At the heart of it all, I wanted and missed Lillit.

The other side was I was getting no play over here because I'm monogamous. That six weeks meant six long, hard weeks of celibacy. They were having more sex with my wife of four months than I was. Yeah, I was salty. Lillit and I were stuck with getting it popping on iChat and Facetime. I'm sorry (not sorry), but iChat dates and sexy time on cam ain't all they're cracked up to be. Busting it wide open on cam like I was a porn star wasn't my idea of sexy.

While on her mini getaway, Lillit called me and told me she was taking a short trip with Briseis to celebrate their upcoming anniversary. My envy was real out here in these streets. I faked like I was just feeling compersion out of my ass. What was I gon to do an ocean away? I had the Miss America smile plastered on. I really wanted to wreck something. Yeah, I was happy that they were celebrating their anniversary and spending time together. I was hit with jealousy and envy hard when they were on their anniversary getaway. I got on Facebook one day. I scrolled thru like I do all the time before posting. I came across pictures posted by Lillit. With every swipe, the jealousy and envy were hitting home. They were kitesurfing, having romantic dinners on the beach, feeding zebras, posting cutesy coo pics and vids of them together, and I couldn't even get a date or some sex over here with the one person I wanted both with. I was jealous.

Where are we now? Lillit and I didn't really find a balance while she was gone. The separation was closed a few days early, and y'all I was ready for our separation to come to an end. I was over it. Don't get me wrong. I respect their triad and the need to spend time together. I'm not a controlling or possessive person. I might have wanted to, but I never called and told her to get her ass home. I will never want all of her time. I have a job. I'm perfectly capable of spending time with myself. I'm #TeamSelfCare. I have friends and interests outside of her, hobbies I participate in because I love them, and I'm a social butterfly. None of those things changed the fact that I missed her or that my needs weren't being met.

Lillit wants to visit them at least once or twice a month. We're not in agreement right now, and we've shelved it because we keep going in circles. I looked at her like she had lost her mind. Int'l flights ain't a dime a dozen. The way she was balling on vacay? Doing THE most. Lillit had no control. Could we afford it? Yup. We're DINKs or Dual Income, No Kids. But we still have to be mindful and not ball so hard like we're Jay-Z and Kanye. She can wine and dine, but do it on a budget. Better take 'em to McDonald's and get 'em a fish filet. They have 'em all over the world, and they love to see you smile.

It ain't all been bad. Married life has been sweet since we've been back together. We decorated our house, and it feels like home. All settled in and having a housewarming party in the coming weeks. We're on vacay and taking some much needed L&I time. Turn up the Etta James because life's pretty doggone good. At last.

But seriously mama really didn't tell me there would be days like the ones I've had this summer.
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Iceley: late 20s, monogamous and poly-friendly, wife of Lillit
Lillit: late 30s, polyamorous, married to me, in a long-distance triad with Artisides and Briseis
Aristides: early 40s, brother & metamour, polyamorous, married to Briseis
Briseis: late 30s, sister in law & metamour, polyamorous, and third leg of the triad
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Old 08-22-2014, 02:44 AM
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I'm contemplating flying back to Dallas ASAP. Lillit and I are two-three hour flight away from Aristides and Briseis, and last night over dinner, she slid in the idea to spend our last few days of vacay in their new city. I just stared at her in disbelief. Ludicrous comes to mind. I almost turned up in the restaurant. I had to dial it down and walk it off. If this "romantic" trip was supposed to be about us spending quality time together, why would I want to spend time with my metamours? Ain't nothing romantic about being around two people who you don't f-ck with like that.

I know how it's going to go. I'll be stuck in some hotel room by myself while she's dating, sexing, and traipsing with them. I ain't doing the group thing because I don't like Briseis. I might f-ck around and choke her out if she comes at me incorrectly. I didn't fly to Europe to be by myself, uncomfortable, forgotten, or the fourth wheel. I'm looking at Lillit and wondering if this whole trip was orchestrated as a way to get closer to Briseis and Aristides. We could've vacayed anywhere in the world, and she chose a place within flying distance of where they live? Come on with the come on. All too convenient. They just "happen" to not have any plans for the weekend. Mama ain't raise no fool.

I don't think I'm wrong. I understand she misses them, but this is too much. I need not to be around Briseis. Why even put me in the position to have to socialize with her? Why cut our time short when she has been gone damn near all of the summer chasing behind them? I wanted some time with no work, bills, and the daily grind getting in the way. I wanted some time to walk around, admire the history, embrace the culture, and get fat off the foods. How often do we get to tuck into authentic Italian cuisine made from scratch? I wanted to lay in bed until 12 in the afternoon, cuddle, watch rom coms, and dance even if there was no music playing. I wanted to go skinny dipping in the Mediterranean. I wanted to make memories. I wanted some time to focus on us and our short term goals for the remainder of the year. I wanted some time to get that newlywed feeling back. She doesn't realize it, but that time she was away broke the rhythm we had. We've been married six months, and it has been a helluva ride like we've been doing this thing for a good six years. Now, I'm feeling like this trip was a rouse to get her closer to them. I was thinking about her because I missed her. I was looking forward to having some time with her. Even when we're in the same city, I miss her. I thought this was about us, but she's thinking about them. Silly me. Guess my monogamous programming got the best of me. Guess I should've extended an invite and asked the other two to join us to make this the "awesome foursome" romantic getaway.

I don't feel like talking about this with her because all she's gon do is deny it. She'll say it won't be the way I described, but she and I both know it will be another story when she's with them. It will start with going to dinner, and then, staying the night. Then, spending the entire next day and subsequent night. We'll meet up at the airport, and she'll give me a rundown of her time away from me during "our" vacay. Yeah, that makes sense. I'll save myself the heartache and go home.

Y'all comment frequently about owning one's stuff. It's not Lillit's fault that I feel this way. I gotta remember that I'm not the only one in her heart or thoughts. The proof's in the way this hurts. That monogramous mindset or programming ain't no joke. Too bad I'm left feeling like I'm not enough to stimulate her. She's with me and wanting them. Ain't that a blip? Remind me how to reconcile that again?

This idea wasn't even brought up to hurt me, but it hurts all the same.

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Iceley: late 20s, monogamous and poly-friendly, wife of Lillit
Lillit: late 30s, polyamorous, married to me, in a long-distance triad with Artisides and Briseis
Aristides: early 40s, brother & metamour, polyamorous, married to Briseis
Briseis: late 30s, sister in law & metamour, polyamorous, and third leg of the triad
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  #7  
Old 11-05-2014, 06:46 PM
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Iceley Iceley is offline
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Default Let it Go...Let it Go!

Enjoying a day off. I work for one of the most unorganized federal branches. Inefficient comes to mind. Everybody's just kinda out for themselves. I need a day off from the crazy on the job.

It has been a long few months. Where to start? Last post, Lillit and I were in Italy for a wedding. BTW, it was a stunning wedding. We didn't go to where Aristides and Briseis live. I was minutes away from changing my flight and hopping on the next thing smoking after she suggested that buffoonery. Lillit talked me out of it. We had an enjoyable trip. I gained about five pounds. It was Italy. Eating is a must.

My metamour and I have been going at it virtually all year. She gets off on being condescending and nasty towards me. That woman blamed me for Lillit not being able to see her while we were "that close." I rolled my eyes and carried on. She showed up the Friday before Labor Day. No heads up. No prior announcement. No warning. That's not the icing on the cupcake. Lillit and I had already made plans to attend a wedding weekend of two good friends. When she called and said she was there, we were about to hit the road. I told Lillit that due to increasing issues, I wasn't down with Briseis coming to my home turf and trying to jump stupid. Lillit respected it completely and she told Briseis when she'd be available. Honey child, I didn't see her that weekend. I talked to her and she went off on me. She told me I was being "inconsiderate of her needs" and "not respecting her relationship." Say what now? She went on to say that I could see Lillit any day of the week and shouldn't have a problem giving up a weekend because she was there. So I'm supposed to cancel the plans that have been set for months because Her Royal Pain in My Ass has descended upon us? Girl, bye. If I had seen her, I would've laughed in her face. Mind y'all, Lillit told me that she wanted to keep her plans with me and see Briseis when we got back on Monday afternoon. I told Lillit more than once that if we needed to return early, I'd be fine with that. She insisted that we stick to our plans. Briseis blamed me like I was the one buzzing in Lillit's ear and telling her not to spend time with her. No, you nutty fruitcake, you showed up unannounced and expected us to 86 our plans to suit your whims? Girl, bye. Y'all wanna know how many times she called, texted, and tried to reach me that weekend? She called me 23 times, left 9 voicemails, and sent 33 text messages. That's why I had to block her. No wonder she was out for blood when she saw me later that month.

September was already off to a heated start and it only got hotter. Lillit did see her on Labor Day and chose not to stay overnight. I don't think they had sex either. Briseis blamed both of those things on me, too. What was I supposed to do? Force my wife to sleep with her and stay overnight when she wanted to be at home with me? Excuse me for being me and excuse Lillit for wanting to spend time with her wife. Once again, girl, bye. Lillit told me what she was going to do and cleared it with me to make sure there were no other plans. I gave her to green light because I was just going to cook dinner and work on a paper that was due at midnight. Lillit saw her again the following day before she left. She said she was salty, mad, and she had to get her straight on her blaming me for her lack of availability during the long weekend. She made it clear that every move she made was because she wanted it that way and not because I requested it to be like that.

Fast forward to the end of September, the grands and kids of my Nan co-hosted her birthday party. I didn't have much say in the guest list. It was strictly family, and well, Briseis is family because she's married to my brother. She was on the list. I expressed my concerns to Lillit. She talked to Briseis. Briseis promised that she'd act right. We made it thru most of the evening. I stepped out to take a call because the music was loud. She walked outside, too. She asked me why I hadn't returned her calls and why I was stopping Lillit from seeing her. She kept asking questions. I said repeatedly, "Leave me alone. Leave me alone." I turned to walk away and she grabbed me by the elbow and pulled me. That action was hurting me and I asked her to let go of me. She refused to comply. I hit her in the jaw and she let go. Not before she called me a b-tch. My cousin and Lillit walked outside and caught the end of it. My cousin knew that while I wasn't a fighter, I was about to beat her down for calling me out of my name. He was holding me back. Lillit was arguing with her and asking if she had lost her mind. All the while Briseis was hurling profanities and insulting me. Aristides heard the commotion because he was nearby and diffused the situation by putting her in the car and leaving. Lillit and I ended up getting into it because I felt like she hadn't done enough. It shouldn't have reached that point. I told her that Briseis wouldn't be allowed to step foot in our house or welcome to be around me as long I was breathing. My cousin grabbed my hand and told me to come with him to cool off. I don't cry but I cried from frustration. My cousin called Lillit and told her where I was. There was a park nearby which is where we were. She showed up and just apologized. I asked her why Briseis hated me enough to want to hurt me? She didn't have an answer but promised to find out what the hell was going on. I was able to pull it together to return to my Nan's party. We all agreed to not ruin her special night and to keep the fight amongst ourselves. It's not always a good thing to have everybody in your business.

I haven't talked to Briseis since that night. I have no desire whatsoever. Lillit has maintained contact but she's tired. She hasn't seen Aristides or Briseis since September 22nd and it's now November. No trips planned to visit them either. I posted in the relationships section about the upcoming holidays. Lillit's folks flying in from Armenia and Saudia Arabia to meet me and my fam. It's a big deal because she's the only openly out member of her family. I'm surprised they're not disowning her and saying that she's dishonored them or shaming them. While they don't believe in homosexual relationships, they're still willing to meet and embrace me. When the elders of her family proposed the "joining of the two families," we jumped at the chance to have both families in the same city for a break. What better reason than food and football? Well, when we agreed to take on this hosting gig, it was before Briseis and I got into the altercation. It gets muddled because my parents and brother are part of my family. Well, Briseis is my brother's wife. Thereby part of the family, too. Since I don't want to be in the same house as her, the plans for the holidays are in limbo. Aristides and I may fuss and fight but we always work it out. Briseis and I are done. I barred her from stepping foot on my property and I meant that. I'm not backing down. The conflict comes in because Lillit was adamant about having all three of her partners and "family" in the same place for the holidays. I don't want to be put of my own home. Lillit is well aware that Briseis and I ain't on speaking terms and don't need to be in the same place. A big gay old family gathering this won't be. I'd hate it if Aristides didn't come but I'm willing to risk that to keep wife away and to keep the peace.

I was already hesitant to have my metamours around because Lillit's folks and parents don't know anything about her being polyamorous and figured it would be hard on Briseis. Lillit has informed me that Briseis is upset about me being introduced to her folks as her wife when I haven't "put in the amount of time she has." Somebody on here termed it "sweat equity?" There are some hints of jealousy and envy. Lillit and Briseis have been together for 16 years, and she's still just a friend to her folks. I don't have any control over that. I didn't put a gun to Lillit's head and tell her to tell her folks about me. She did it because she wanted to.

Briseis projects her sh-t on to me. I can't shake the feeling that she's salty about being demoted/displaced (Poly Hell?). She went from being a primary to being less than secondary because she moved overseas. That ain't got a thing the first to do with me. I didn't take her place or bump her from the throne. I've been with Lillit in some capacity for a few years now. Homegirl is acting like this is a reenactment of Frozen and I'm the Ice Queen. Acting like I froze her out of the Polycule Kingdom. I have to laugh at that myself.
__________________
Iceley: late 20s, monogamous and poly-friendly, wife of Lillit
Lillit: late 30s, polyamorous, married to me, in a long-distance triad with Artisides and Briseis
Aristides: early 40s, brother & metamour, polyamorous, married to Briseis
Briseis: late 30s, sister in law & metamour, polyamorous, and third leg of the triad

Last edited by Iceley; 11-05-2014 at 10:27 PM.
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