Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 07-25-2017, 06:05 PM
sunray sunray is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Western Massachusetts, US
Posts: 111
Default Prismatic Reflections of Sun

There's something compelling about sharing (and reading) personal stories, and I feel like sharing mine with you here. I imagine that rewinding through twenty-odd years of history will take me several weeks or more, but be patient, my friends. I'll get us to the present day as quickly as may be.

Origin: Part One

My poly origin story is a pretty common one. In the beginning, there was a couple, and they opened their relationship. Isn't that how it almost always starts? But I find it interesting to reflect on the attitudes and experiences that predated that opening; the foundations that helped to make my transition to polyamorous relating smoother than average.

I guess my first exposure to the concept of loving more than one person at a time and engaging in multiple honest intimate relationships simultaneously came from reading the unabridged edition of Stranger in a Strange Land during high school. It didn't stand out tremendously to me at the time; I was (and remain still) a voracious reader, particularly of fantasy and science fiction, and I have been exposed to many unusual ideas thereby. Constantly surrounding myself with unusual ideas while feeling like an outsider as I was growing up had some unexpected effects. I think it encouraged me to consider ideas on their own merits and not through the lens of whether they were culturally acceptable or congruent with my preexisting ideas.

It's also true that even then, I had less than the average jealous feelings, and a certain ruthless practicality. When a good friend of mine ended up going to the big dance with the boy I had been dating (because I had too much social anxiety to contend with *dancing*), I was (unexpectedly to her, I think) totally cool with it. I mean, she liked dancing, he liked dancing… certainly they should go to the dance together! I was just annoyed/disappointed that it had to mean that he and I weren't dating anymore. My friend probably thought that my lack of jealousy stemmed from not being terribly emotionally invested in this guy… which was definitely not true, even if I was too shy to kiss him. I was just perfectly content to see two people I cared about enjoying themselves together.

Then came college, and my first serious relationship. My willingness to consider new ideas came in pretty handy when one of my best friends fell in love with me. She fell hard. My friend (I’ll call her Jester) took over a month to come clean to me about her feelings. And boy, did it throw me for a loop. It had never even occurred to me before that moment to ask myself if I could be interested in women! The answer came back with a tentative ‘maybe’ because I cared about her as a person, and was willing to give this romance a try... and by the time a few months had gone by, it had turned into an enthusiastic ‘yes’. Thus started a thirteen year relationship that was not always easy but was always beautiful, and rewarding, and very close.

One of the dynamics of my relationship with Jester was a certain philosophical (at first, and later practical) openness to outside sexual experiences. The women's college we attended fostered a wonderfully sex-positive atmosphere, at least among my group of friends, and both of us identified as bisexual. Jester felt pretty strongly that just because I was in a relationship with her, it shouldn't mean I was forever cut off from exploring the other side of my sexuality. We jokingly (and also semi-seriously) orchestrated some near-misses of threesomes that might have happened if we had only been more confident. It took until after college to make any of it a reality.

The next big influence on Jester’s and my burgeoning curiosity and willingness to explore non-monogamy was a housemate we lived with from the late fall of 2000 until the spring of 2005. It seems like such a short span of years, yet the three of us lived in three different apartments together and shared space at various times with two other housemates and a rotating cast of pets. I’ll call this intensely charismatic, fierce feminist housemate BeeGoddess. Bee set the tone for our joint household, and it was a clothing-optional, sex-positive, anarchist, body-positive, culture-jamming vibe. Damn the patriarchy and pass the glitter silicone dildos/vintage My Little Ponies/rainbow floggers/box of donuts! Bee was into BDSM, and hosted play parties on occasion with our help. Bee was instrumental in developing my attitudes towards safer sex. It was in this environment that I first read The Ethical Slut, and it was with this open, accepting, and playful attitude that I came to my first poly relationship.

It all started… Well. It all started with that long-frustrated ambition of mine to finally explore the other half of my sexuality. It was early July, 2003. A good friend was coming to town, and I made lighthearted plans to try and seduce him. Jester and I were philosophically comfortable with a sexually open relationship, and even though we hadn’t done a great deal about that philosophy yet, we had done enough to know that it wasn’t going to explode our relationship for me to experiment a little. I was interested in doing that experimentation with someone I already trusted and liked. Although Jester’s and my relationship was not the soundest ever (which was only clear in hindsight), we weren’t looking to fix problems in our relationship with this move. It was just what seemed a golden opportunity for some sexy good times.

But even before my friend arrived, my feelings began to shift. So if we’re talking about my transition to a poly relationship, not just an open relationship in general, it all started for me... with a dream.
__________________
--Sunray
-----------------------
Me: (39/F/cis/queer/poly)
My loves:
MonkeyMan (36/M/cis/het/poly--married 10yrs)
RacingSnail (40/M/cis/het/mono--BF about a year, LDR)
MightyCupcake (34/F/cis/bi/mono--bestest exGF, engaged to Dynamo)

Follow the sun at...
https://sunrayfox.wordpress.com/
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 07-26-2017, 10:21 PM
sunray sunray is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Western Massachusetts, US
Posts: 111
Default Origin: Part 2, Beginning at Poly

One night in the summer of 2003, as I was eagerly anticipating a visit from my dear friend RacingSnail (and unbeknownst to him, hoping to add some ‘benefits’ to our longstanding friendship), I had a vivid dream. I dreamed that something terrible had happened to him, and nobody thought to tell me, because nobody knew he was important to me. I spent the duration of the dream running around, filled with panic and dread, wondering what had happened--was he dead? It was not a pleasant dream, but it was one so arresting that I struggled for long moments after I had awoken to realize that it hadn't been real. And then, as I clawed my way back to reality, it came over me like a thunderclap--I really, genuinely cared for him. There was no way I could casually sex him up and send him home (if I even succeeded at that). My heart was already more involved than I had realized.

This required a whole new conversation with Jester.

To her credit, although this stirred up a lot of insecurity for her, Jester was willing for me to pursue a relationship with RacingSnail (depending of course on how he felt about things). We were still very much in the mode of a permissions-based, hierarchical model of poly at that point, of course. And it was all so new that we had very little idea of what it really meant for us. But for what it was worth, I had her blessing. And so, brimming over with excitement and possibility, love and terror, I waited for RacingSnail to arrive.

What a whirlwind of a week it was. I was delighted to see RacingSnail, and despite my trepidation, after many anxious hours and much tense sleeplessness, I screwed up my courage and declared my feelings for him. He was willing to give it a chance! We snuggled. We kissed. We spent nearly every hour of those long July days and nights in each other’s company, and I was all awash in sweet delight. Jester, meanwhile, was struggling, but unwilling to own it or show it. It was more important to her at that time to make things easy on other people than to stand up for her own needs. She did make a bid, mid-week, to turn this new-fledged V into a triad, but when RacingSnail demurred, she accepted that with good grace. And all too soon, the week was at an end, and I was launched into a whole new phase of life as a person with multiple relationships, one of them long distance.

Jester continued to struggle, but was determined to support me in what she saw as a brilliant and beautiful connection (one which she often feared would outshine our own). She loved to feel included in my other relationship however she could, and helped me make gifts and surprises to send to RacingSnail, and willingly listened to me talk about him and bemoan the difficulties of long distance, and even planned for a long term future for the three of us together, someday when RacingSnail was out of school. At the same time, she felt a need to balance the scales, and set out to establish some outside relationships of her own, first with a mutual friend of BeeGoddess’s, Airman, and then, much later, after that had started to wane, with a local fellow, GreenLantern.

I saw RacingSnail twice more over the course of that year; once when I flew out to see him in January, and once when he came to visit me, the following July. He and I had such chemistry, such magic. We inspired each other, and challenged each other. But after that visit in the summer of ‘04, suddenly I didn’t hear from him anymore. And as the weeks dragged into months, I grew lonely and dispirited. Jester and I still had a strong relationship, I was really enjoying getting to know GreenLantern through her, and by November I was even building a deeper friendship with a guy I had met in a writer’s group I had joined a year earlier with RacingSnail’s encouragement. But none of that was a balm to my sorrow over RacingSnail, and at the beginning of December, I took a stand for self-preservation and broke things off with him.

He wrote to me then, just briefly. And though he was of course crushed (as much as he could be just then, numbed by depression as he was) he was also… proud of me. And though I was angry, and sad, and couldn’t bear to talk to him for a good long while, something about that fact seeped through, and left my memories of my time with him unsoured by the way things ended. And so we stayed distant friends for many years.

Meanwhile, Jester and I were still going strong. Jester’s relationship with GreenLantern was developing in tandem with GreenLantern’s relationship with his lady, Rockhound (who happened to be someone that Jester and I knew in a friendly way from college). And my friendship with the guy from writer’s group, MonkeyMan, seemed to be turning a corner into something romantic. The stage was set... for the genesis of a polycule!
__________________
--Sunray
-----------------------
Me: (39/F/cis/queer/poly)
My loves:
MonkeyMan (36/M/cis/het/poly--married 10yrs)
RacingSnail (40/M/cis/het/mono--BF about a year, LDR)
MightyCupcake (34/F/cis/bi/mono--bestest exGF, engaged to Dynamo)

Follow the sun at...
https://sunrayfox.wordpress.com/
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 07-27-2017, 02:21 AM
starlight1 starlight1 is offline
Spaminator
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: London
Posts: 724
Default

I have wandered over to your word press blog an found myself immersed for some hours. Your writing so exquisite and refreshing. It feeds my soul in a way many writings don't, where my own has devolved into regurgitation of facts, yours takes me to your own home, mind, and spirit and I feel for a minute rested and rejuvenated in your garden of words. Not to mention inspired.

Thank you for writing here too so we could discover you elsewhere and authentically being you.
__________________
Starlight1- 31f/bi/poly-ish
shooting star and rosebud - children of Starlight1

My current social circle:
Landon- M/straight/open and poly friendly (husband to Ariel)
Ariel- F/Bi/Open / poly friendly (Wife to Landon)
Ginger- F/gay/mono/poly friendly
Kiki - female/gay/mono/poly friendly-poly curious (just started being interested in each other)
Rocky- male/straight/monoish/ex bf


Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 07-27-2017, 02:44 PM
sunray sunray is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Western Massachusetts, US
Posts: 111
Default Origin 3: The Amoeba

Early 2005 was a tumultuous time. My relationship with MonkeyMan was deepening and developing in fits and starts (a fascinating saga that deserves a whole post of its own sometime). Jester and I were flirting with the notion of establishing a quad with GreenLantern and Rockhound. But overshadowing all of it was the breakdown of our shared household with BeeGoddess. Over the course of the spring, Jester and I moved into a place of our own, two towns over. Our new apartment was lovely, overlooking the farmer’s market on Saturday mornings, but the end of living with BeeGoddess and the end of planning for a joint future with her was a miserable wreck of poor communication, resentment, and simmering silences.

Still, we were off to a fresh start. GreenLantern and Rockhound took an apartment upstairs in the same building a few months after we moved in. MonkeyMan lived just around the corner. Our attempts to build enough cross-connections to form a quad didn't pan out, but we were all friendly, and spent most of our time together. With MonkeyMan in the mix, our relationship structure resembled a W: two V’s, linked, with Jester as the big middle hinge. (MonkeyMan/me/Jester) + (Jester/GreenLantern/Rockhound) We were open to additional outside connections, but this 5 person polycule was our family, and family came first. We called ourselves the Amoeba.

In addition to being a fine example of kitchen table poly, the Amoeba had one other quality that stands out to me… and this was part of its eventual downfall. We (all five) believed very much in the Relationship Escalator. Over the course of the next few years, our polycule had two legal marriages and a commitment ceremony, and the five of us moved again and all started living under one roof.

GreenLantern and Rockhound married first. Jester was happy for them, but also miserable on her own behalf, because GreenLantern was closeted with his family, and she was left feeling very much secret and secondary throughout the proceedings. Then, in the late fall of 2006, she and I threw a grand ten year anniversary celebration and commitment ceremony with a pirate theme. (I generally refer to it as ‘the pirate wedding’ in casual conversation.) It was a big step for us in some ways (we both invited our families and all of our far-flung friends, and in contrast to the previous wedding, GreenLantern and MonkeyMan were part of the ceremony) but in others… I think it was also an attempt to pull the slowly fraying threads of our relationship back together with a grand gesture. Not long after, we all five moved in together. And finally, in the summer of 2007, MonkeyMan and I were legally wed (with an eye towards future possible procreation).

Somewhere in there, between the pirate wedding and my wedding with MonkeyMan, just before we moved into our consolidated household, I started dating MightyCupcake. (MonkeyMan and I both dated her, briefly, but my connection with her had more staying power.) MightyCupcake was my game changer, though the full effects of her relationship with me took some time to develop. She modeled healthy independence in a way that threw a spotlight on my own codependency with Jester. She was my refuge from the chaos (both physical and emotional) of the Amoeba.

That was something that slowly started to bother me more and more once we were all under one roof. Physically, temperamentally, I was not well suited to deal with the level of mess and noise and chaos that Jester and Rockhound preferred in a living situation. GreenLantern hid from it in his room, MonkeyMan hid from it in his head, but I… was being driven slowly but steadily crazy. (I took treasured breaks from it at MightyCupcake’s beautiful apartment, but that couldn't do more than let off some of the pressure.) I could live with it well enough at first, but the idea of never living any other way, the idea of trying to raise a kid under those conditions? In the summer of 2008, just after we had renewed the lease for a second year, I realized that I needed to draw the line.

Emotionally…. As fast as we knitted ourselves together into a unit on one end, things started to unravel on the other. The outside relationships that Rockhound and GreenLantern and especially Jester were pursuing brought a whole new level of drama into the household. Starting in the fall of 2007, and continuing for the next year and a half, Jester’s relationship with GreenLantern took on a cycle of breakup and make-up that put a strain on my relationship with her… but the chaos and drama of that messy situation were so compelling that I couldn't compete with it for her attention.

Maybe I never asked loudly enough. I felt at the time like I shouldn't have to, like the years I had invested in our relationship should have carried enough weight with her to compel her attention. But it’s easy to see in hindsight that our communication was terrible in that era of our relationship. She kept doubling down on her troubled connections, and I was starting to look up… and ultimately out. Growing up and moving on without her.

The group’s investment in the idea of the Relationship Escalator meant that when I took a stand for splitting the household (though not the relationships in it)... it came off as a step backwards. An emotional disinvestment in our polycule. And then? Slowly, relentlessly, despite my intentions, everything came tumbling down.
__________________
--Sunray
-----------------------
Me: (39/F/cis/queer/poly)
My loves:
MonkeyMan (36/M/cis/het/poly--married 10yrs)
RacingSnail (40/M/cis/het/mono--BF about a year, LDR)
MightyCupcake (34/F/cis/bi/mono--bestest exGF, engaged to Dynamo)

Follow the sun at...
https://sunrayfox.wordpress.com/
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 07-27-2017, 02:46 PM
sunray sunray is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Western Massachusetts, US
Posts: 111
Default

Thanks, starlight1! I love writing, and it's a real treat to find a new audience. Hope you continue to enjoy!
--sunray
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 07-27-2017, 10:08 PM
sunray sunray is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Western Massachusetts, US
Posts: 111
Default Origin 4: The Alliance

In the aftermath of the Amoeba, three households formed. Rockhound and GreenLantern stayed a happily married couple and got one apartment. Jester struck out on her own, and after living with a succession of housemates, settled down with one of those outside connections that had so troubled her relationship with GreenLantern. (We never speak, and only retain two friends in common, but I believe she is also happily married now, and stepparenting his kids when they're with him.)

And me? Well, I moved on into another poly household. MonkeyMan and I rented a house out in the country with MightyCupcake and MonkeyMan’s oldest, dearest friend, Em. (They were never romantically or sexually involved, but in other ways he and Em were like partners to each other for many years.) We styled ourselves the Syntropy Alliance (distancing our new group from the chaos of the old). And it was only a couple of months into living with the Alliance that I found myself in the family way. (A planned, though surprisingly quick to catch pregnancy.) Transition after transition.

That summer I went on a ‘babymoon’ vacation to Virginia Beach… with MightyCupcake. That fall I took childbirth classes at the hospital… with MightyCupcake. I knew just who I wanted with me in the delivery room! But at the same time, she and I were transitioning to a post-sexual relationship by her request. It was bittersweet for a while, but my feelings settled down in the end, and our friendship has remained strong and true ever since.

And so, when my kiddo was born, in the early winter of 2010, I was living in a drama-free, supportive household filled with people I considered family. It felt wonderful. It was a great support in those early months at home with a baby, recovering from my C-section and struggling with breastfeeding. I can't overstate the awesomeness of having extra adults around when there's a baby in the house. MonkeyMan was able to get his sleep so he could go to work and be mostly functional. MightyCupcake ran all of our errands. Em was a champion middle-of-the-night baby snuggler (thanks to their insomnia) and companion on stroller walks in the afternoons.

It's true that in the most technical of senses, from the summer of 2009 until the fall of 2016, I was living monogamously with MonkeyMan. But despite making my primary focus child-rearing and my health for a long while there, polyamory was in my blood. Households that include more than two adults always feel the most natural to me. And starting in 2014 or so, I began to connect more with the local poly community.
__________________
--Sunray
-----------------------
Me: (39/F/cis/queer/poly)
My loves:
MonkeyMan (36/M/cis/het/poly--married 10yrs)
RacingSnail (40/M/cis/het/mono--BF about a year, LDR)
MightyCupcake (34/F/cis/bi/mono--bestest exGF, engaged to Dynamo)

Follow the sun at...
https://sunrayfox.wordpress.com/
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 07-28-2017, 10:18 AM
sunray sunray is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Western Massachusetts, US
Posts: 111
Default Origin 5: Family and Community

After that first year of raising our kid with the Alliance all under one roof, the landlords sold the house we were renting out from under us. It happened that MonkeyMan and I had come into a little money around that time, so we decided to start house hunting with Em. MightyCupcake opted to rent an apartment on her own, as group living with messy folks like MonkeyMan and Em didn't suit her neat streak as well as she had hoped. That was just about when she and I started our tradition of me having a ‘night off’ of childcare for a monthly sleepover at her house. Those are great nights. TV and talking and maybe more in the way of mixed drinks and less in the way of baking brownies, but otherwise it's a lot like high school sleepovers all over again. I do so love spending quality time with my bestest exGF.

A few years after we had settled in our new house, as our kiddo got old enough to be put to bed by Em, MonkeyMan and I started going to some local poly meetups and potlucks. Connecting with the local community felt great, and oddly enough, I found that going out with MonkeyMan to hang out with a bunch of poly folks and talk relationships was quickly becoming a favorite date of mine. I made new friends. I started a little lending library of poly and relationship books for the local community. I tried (unsuccessfully) to get a few activities going for local poly parents and families. When it got off the ground, I joined the smaller group that started for Queer Poly Women and Nonbinary folks. I spent a few months having an unrequited crush on a friend. And sporadically I met up with a few folks from OKCupid for coffee (none of which went much of anywhere, but it was nice to get out some).

I was ready to find a new relationship, but I didn't want to rush anything. I set up a little altar in my room, celebrating all of the abundant love already in my life, and taped above it a fortune I had once found in a fortune cookie. “Keep a green tree in your heart, and one day the singing bird will come.”

Meanwhile, I read More Than Two, and followed that up with a slew of relationship books of various kinds, from books by Harriet Lerner and Brené Browne to Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski and Woman on Fire by Amy Jo Goddard. I listened to Polyamory Weekly and Sex Nerd Sandra. I worked on my relationship with MonkeyMan. I poured energy into my parenting, into my art, into managing my chronic health condition and building stores of resilience and practicing mindfulness to limit its negative impact on my life. Basically, I worked on being awesome.

Life threw us some curveballs during these years, too. My kiddo needed Early Intervention services and ended up on a special ed track at school. Em’s mental health took a dramatic turn for the worse and they had to move back in with their parents (luckily just one town over). MonkeyMan’s business failed and he had to find a new job. But we weathered it all together, growing and changing and leaning on each other when we needed to.

And that's how things stood, with my nesting relationship stronger, perhaps, than it had ever been, when I fell in love again last November, and resumed the ‘actively poly’ part of my life.
__________________
--Sunray
-----------------------
Me: (39/F/cis/queer/poly)
My loves:
MonkeyMan (36/M/cis/het/poly--married 10yrs)
RacingSnail (40/M/cis/het/mono--BF about a year, LDR)
MightyCupcake (34/F/cis/bi/mono--bestest exGF, engaged to Dynamo)

Follow the sun at...
https://sunrayfox.wordpress.com/
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 07-28-2017, 06:48 PM
sunray sunray is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Western Massachusetts, US
Posts: 111
Default And finally, Origin 6: Something Old, Something New

So much for this taking me weeks to write! I guess that's what happens when I come down with a summer cold and get really bored! Anyway, here's what happened next....

Remember RacingSnail? Well. We had started to text sporadically in the autumn of 2016, just joking around like we like to do. He was on my mind a bit. I spent some time thinking about our previous relationship, and its melancholy end. And then in November, he sent me a marvelous birthday package that was, at its heart, an offer of connection. He didn't intend it in a romantic way… but that didn't stop me, over the course of a few weeks, from falling for him all over again. With him, it seemed, my feelings had two settings, ‘dim and distant’ or ‘full throttle’. And so, I screwed up my courage one more time, and told him about it. And we took a few months over it, sidling ever closer, but indeed, have ended up long-distance dating. Again.

So, that pretty much brings us up to the present. RacingSnail spent three days visiting in April and six in July, and seeing him in person couldn't possibly have gone better. MonkeyMan is nothing but happy for me. Long distance is hard, and the options for doing anything else are limited since we're all so much more settled now than we were twelve years ago. But I like to think there's some long-term potential here. And for now, I’m very, very happy. (And some of it is NRE. And some of it isn't. And I’m content to see how it all plays out.)

I have roots, and wings
Living life with many loves
Face turned towards the sun
__________________
--Sunray
-----------------------
Me: (39/F/cis/queer/poly)
My loves:
MonkeyMan (36/M/cis/het/poly--married 10yrs)
RacingSnail (40/M/cis/het/mono--BF about a year, LDR)
MightyCupcake (34/F/cis/bi/mono--bestest exGF, engaged to Dynamo)

Follow the sun at...
https://sunrayfox.wordpress.com/
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 07-29-2017, 12:11 PM
sunray sunray is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Western Massachusetts, US
Posts: 111
Default 10 Years!

Expecting to be out of touch for the next two weeks, as I'm traveling to visit my family, and my computer access will be limited. But I just had to take a moment to squee over today being my tenth wedding anniversary with MonkeyMan.

At the tail end of my family visit, my parents are watching the kiddo so he and I can get away for a couple of nights, first time in seven years! I'm excited to have a mini romantic vacation. So! Excited!

It will be especially nice to reconnect, since I came down with my cold directly as RacingSnail was heading home, and MonkeyMan and I haven't had a chance for any sexytime in a couple of weeks now. It hasn't been a big deal between us... the lovely thing about long term relationships is the ability to take the long view!

Now if I can just get over this miserable cold and enjoy family time, too....
__________________
--Sunray
-----------------------
Me: (39/F/cis/queer/poly)
My loves:
MonkeyMan (36/M/cis/het/poly--married 10yrs)
RacingSnail (40/M/cis/het/mono--BF about a year, LDR)
MightyCupcake (34/F/cis/bi/mono--bestest exGF, engaged to Dynamo)

Follow the sun at...
https://sunrayfox.wordpress.com/
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 08-01-2017, 12:18 PM
sunray sunray is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Western Massachusetts, US
Posts: 111
Default

Some days I am struck by how I contain multitudes. Who am I, as a child? As a parent? As MonkeyMan’s long term partner? As MightyCupcake’s BFF? As RacingSnail’s love? As a poet? As a person, all by myself? The more contexts I have, the more I can explore my own complexity. And gain new insights as I move from one space into another…. Understanding myself as a child in the context of being a mother. Contrasting the feelings that arise in me in a longstanding relationship versus a newer one. I love the scope for introspection that polyamory wakes in me.

And it's not just an intellectual exercise, either. Insights I gain in one relationship or from one person spread through my web of connections. I know that MonkeyMan feels it too, that my expansive relating enriches our relationship.

And there's something of balance in it, as well. Moving from sphere to sphere, from state to state, throws the things that remain the same across all of these dynamics into sharper relief. The things that are central to me. It aids me in being anchored in my sense of self in a way that monogamous relating doesn't. (And that the cultural stories around monogamous relating actively counter.)
__________________
--Sunray
-----------------------
Me: (39/F/cis/queer/poly)
My loves:
MonkeyMan (36/M/cis/het/poly--married 10yrs)
RacingSnail (40/M/cis/het/mono--BF about a year, LDR)
MightyCupcake (34/F/cis/bi/mono--bestest exGF, engaged to Dynamo)

Follow the sun at...
https://sunrayfox.wordpress.com/
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 04:12 AM.