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  #11  
Old 04-20-2010, 12:33 AM
samaki82 samaki82 is offline
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I'm not seeing the reason why it would be your last?
What I meant is that I didn't know if I was going to be able to emotionally handle another relationship right now and probably not for a while.

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As you mentioned, the other guy was a poor communicator. So if your first boyfriend ever had been a poor communicator, would you have sworn off dating for good?


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One idea for next time could be to take it more slowly and getting a feel for his communication skills before it gets too far.
I agree with you there. Sometimes it is hard to keep those feelings in check and I tend to jump into relationships fast.

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More importantly, how did it go for you and the boyfriend of 6 1/2 years?
The relationship part he was ok with and was very open about it. We kept a really good line of communication going the entire time. There were some difficult moments at the end of the relationship with the other guy because it affected me.

I feel that this experience has made me appreciate my current relationship more and made me realize what I have. Sometimes in long relationships that can be lost a little. I feel a lot more stable in my relationship now.

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Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
One of the great things about poly is you can have "NRE" (new relationship energy) while maintaining the comfortable stability of a long-term relationship.

If your ideal setup is the one long-term relationship with a series of side flings, I would probably suggest being honest about that with any new partners: that you're not looking for a second long-term relationship. That way they're not investing too much long-term energy into something only to have the rug pulled out.
I wouldn't really say I was looking for flings. I've had that. It wasn't something that I was seeking out. It just happened. I was very open from the beginning and throughout the relationship with everyone involved. I just think that the other guy wasn't being honest with himself and thinking that he could change what he wanted.

I appreciate the response, thank you.
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  #12  
Old 04-20-2010, 12:58 AM
QuantumOfComputing QuantumOfComputing is offline
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Greetings!

I asked Samaki if it was OK if I posted a bit of my side of how things went down on here and she was OK with that. So I'm the 6.5 year SO described above.

Firstly I'd like to thank you all for taking some time in discussing her feelings with her. We spend a lot of our time talking about that and I know that it has helped for her to get outside advice. Honestly, I was hoping that she would post here earlier because that may have altered the trajectory of her other relationship. But I'm proud that she's decided to share and explore her feelings in a somewhat public setting.

For me, I just want us to have a happy and healthy relationship no matter how that looks or works. She has always been a person that loves sex and we have had a lot of fun with other people sexually. So I didn't have any jealousy issues to deal with during this.

The relationship thing has happened a few times in the past but before it was usually a feeling that lasted a week or was with someone that she couldn't actively pursue. This time, it was with someone close and available so I think it caught her more by surprise than anything else. And to be fair to the guy, he wasn't a horrible person. We actually hung out all together a lot and we always had a good time. Honestly, I think he was more surprised that he actually liked pursuing this as much as he did.

It was a bit strange to me because I think he has an easier time communicating with other guys than with women. So often we would all be talking together and they would say a lot more to each other than they would if they were alone. From that, I figured that the long term prospects were not going to be the greatest. He also had some issues with her and my sex life and did some semi-jerky things in bed that didn't inspire me with much confidence in his ability to cope and adapt.

For her, she really did want to have a long term thing with him if he was willing to take it one day at a time. One of the greatest things about her is that she loves to experience new things and is very open and honest about every part of her life. I think that is a wonderful feature in a person and it was sad for me to see that someone wouldn't appreciate it the way that I felt that they should.

The future is a big "who knows" right now (except for us, that's is and always has been "always" thing, thankfully). So thank you for taking the time to listen and I hope that the feedback will help grow us as people and help us grow our relationship.
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  #13  
Old 04-20-2010, 02:35 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is online now
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OUCH! Those are some not so nice things to say to a person. I feel for you.
Maca and I have had some struggles with that ourselves. I didn't go to a poly-lifestyle in a very nice way.
I had an affair.

Of course everyone said the way to fix our marriage was to get rid of GG and even if we were going to be poly now-it shouldn't include him.

But the reality is that I love both of them, and our kids love both of them-so that wasn't a functional or realistic option.

Fortunately we were all three willing to start busting our butts to find a solution that was more functional for ALL of us (us 3 and 4 kids). That has had it's up and downs, but overall it's been moving up.
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Old 04-20-2010, 02:46 AM
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Quantam! Welcome to you as well!
It's so nice to be able to hear from both partners! It really fills in the gaps MUCH better!

I hope you both stick around and share.

It sounds like you really have a good sensible appreciation for your SO's good traits! That is SUCH a nice thing to have!

I hope to hear more from both of you soon!

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  #15  
Old 04-20-2010, 02:58 AM
samaki82 samaki82 is offline
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Fortunately we were all three willing to start busting our butts to find a solution that was more functional for ALL of us (us 3 and 4 kids). That has had it's up and downs, but overall it's been moving up.
Sounds like it's been a rough road for you, but I'm glad to hear that things are working out better now. Thank you for sharing your story.
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  #16  
Old 04-20-2010, 03:30 AM
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Its been crazy.

But to have two men who love me, who are willing to stand by me, who are there for me, that's awesome.

There is LOTS more of the story all over the board. I'm sure if you stick around you'll run across it.
I tend to talk a lot-take a few days off then mouth off some more.

But I'm always heartfelt-so if you ever need cheering up-let me know!
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  #17  
Old 04-20-2010, 03:36 AM
samaki82 samaki82 is offline
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Its been crazy.

But to have two men who love me, who are willing to stand by me, who are there for me, that's awesome.

There is LOTS more of the story all over the board. I'm sure if you stick around you'll run across it.
I tend to talk a lot-take a few days off then mouth off some more.

But I'm always heartfelt-so if you ever need cheering up-let me know!

Sounds like it has been.

You're lucky to have that in your life and it works for all of you; I have to admit I'm a bit envious-in a good way.

Thank you so much for all your advice and communication with me. I really appreciate it. It's made me feel better about my situation and I feel like I have more clarity.
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  #18  
Old 04-20-2010, 03:46 AM
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I'm glad you are feeling better about your situation!

It sucks when your heart gets broken!
I don't tend to wear mine out on my sleeve so much-it gets broken-but I tend to naturally keep that to myself (bad bad habit fyi-working on getting more talkative about my vulnerabilities!)

My son though-he's a "fall in love right now" and get his heart broken when you leave kid. (he's only 10) It's so hard watching him struggle in confusion as to why people don't move through problems to keep loving each other. He truly just does not understand it because he's not like that!

I hope you keep posting-you are likely to make some new friends!
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  #19  
Old 04-20-2010, 03:57 AM
samaki82 samaki82 is offline
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post

It sucks when your heart gets broken!
I don't tend to wear mine out on my sleeve so much-it gets broken-but I tend to naturally keep that to myself (bad bad habit fyi-working on getting more talkative about my vulnerabilities!)
I do tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, which can end in a lot of heartbreak, but I always feel grateful just for the experience whether it turns out good or bad.


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I hope you keep posting-you are likely to make some new friends!
Thank you! I hope I do.
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  #20  
Old 04-20-2010, 04:00 AM
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I think having your heart so close to the surface is a good thing. Just not always an EASY thing. But it's definitely a good thing. If you have your heart hidden deep down inside, it's hard to really open yourself to give or recieve love!
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