many questions...

[km34]

Originally Posted by thenewgirl79

thank you KM, reading your thread is both informative and helpful.

...

As for the std comment i made. Personally, these military doctors are insane when it comes to that crap. I got tested for STD's a month ago even though i assured the doctor there was no way i could have one because i have only been with my husband for 4 years. But, she tested me anyway. And the Army tested my husband at his last major check up back in February, which i am sure has to do with the Army. They test for things even if you assure there it's not possible. So, my husband and i have both been checked within the last 5 months. And since we have had no other sex partners in 4 years i am certain there is nothing "hidden" or "unerlying" in our bodies. What could possibly lay dormant for 4 years? So yes get her checked. We have proof that we were already checked. No need to again unless we have intercourse with someone else.

I'm glad something(s) I said have been helpful.

I understand that you've been std checked, but what I was saying is that there is no way for her to KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that either of you haven't been with anyone else, so being willing to undergo the same procedures you're asking her to go through would probably send a positive message to her about your intentions. Many couples looking for a unicorn get into the mindset of "She has to do x, y, z while we continue doing what we've always done" instead of adapting a little bit to the new relationship and showing equal respect to the woman (and by this I simply mean respect, not that the relationship has to be treated the same in all aspects - I'm not anti-heirarchy, though, as some people are). I'm not saying you ARE disrespectful, just that expecting someone to do something that you aren't willing to do generally isn't a good way to start off with someone.

Originally Posted by thenewgirl79

i got a notification in my email about a reply to this...it even showed me what it said...but its not here on the actual thread to read

to the post not showing up...forgive my vague wording that offended anyone. i was making a summary of a to do list...it was not meant to make the lady sound like a dog.

people treat me like i am not mature if i get offended by someone else's words but if you get offended by my words it somehow doesnt even show up on the thread...just my email...

i am sooo done with this forum. i want my profile deleted.

People around here get pretty defensive if it seems like a person (or couple) is going into a situation with unfair expectations. It's not to be mean or to chase you or anyone else off, it's just that harsh words seem to be most effective at getting people to think about what they are doing/saying.

[GalaGirl]

Listen, don't give up.

I see you as a learner. (Aren't well all?! The learning is never done.)

And in the struggle to name the Un-named in order to give it expression in the way you wish to Love, and get a handle on this in and within your marriage, and deal with other people's communication styles on this forum...

(my own style clarity waxes and wanes depending on my energy level -- I'm a chronic patient and me head is not always crystal clear, yah? )

Hanging out here participating -- It's still kind of a safe lick of the lolly. YKWIM?

Before you actually DO open up.

Invite a new person into your Loving Shared on the Real Life plane.

It's polymath to the max in forum world, before you get to Real Life World polymath equationing.

Loving on Poly? It is madness. It's horrible. It's wonderful. It's both.

Take a deep breath. You are doing FINE however it is you do it. There is no right way for all -- your way is right for YOU.

If you have not already, start reading some basics -- whatever type you absorb best whether it is online like the above link or at http://www.morethantwo.com/

Books like "Ethical Slut" or "Opening Up." There could be nuggets somewhere for you even if not ALL resources speak to you at the same volume or even at all.

It is only in the Human Pressure Cooker of Living that we get bopped about toward becoming our best selves.

Wishing you well, whatever you decide...

GG

[thenewgirl79]

Originally Posted by Dagferi

Op the STD check and etc is a good idea but you are opening your marriage up to another huge threat....

The person who looks good on paper for your hubby and you but then will run a muck through your relationship emotionally. It could be a woman who falls for your husband and he for her and then decides to push you out. Or a woman who falls hard for you... finds out she isn't interested in your hubby and wants you. You fall for her and then hubby feeling left out throws a veto. These things seem to happen a lot in the poly world. Especially when bringing a third party into the marriage bed.

thank you for your words i will consider them.

I plan to seek more information on being poly before i join into any more forums with so little knowledge. But, I will no longer be active in these particular forums (on this site). If i could delete this profile I would. But, apparently, deletion of a profile is not possible....which makes no sense.

Have good happy lives everyone. Try not to judge the new people so much. Everyone was new once. For those who were kind to me thank you. For those who were rude to me and knew they were so they tried to make it private...Adios!

[AnnabelMore]

Ok, I'm sorry, but you get a ton of thoughtful, thorough advice that you yourself say has been very helpful, then one person makes a comment that makes you feel judged, then thinks better of it and deletes it, and you're gone forever because of it?

I don't mean this to sound hurtful, I swear I don't. But I strongly suggest that you work to develop a thicker skin before opening up your marriage if your response to something unpleasant amidst a sea of good things is to run away.

[Emm]

For the record, the comment I made was about the phrasing of the OP's determination to "have her std checked". It was to the effect that you don't get an adult woman checked. You might get livestock checked, but you ask an adult human to show you a copy of her test results.

I invite the OP to paste a copy of my exact words from the email notification if she feels I breached the site guidelines. I didn't feel the need to keep a copy myself.