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  #1  
Old 07-19-2012, 04:38 AM
flux29 flux29 is offline
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Default married and poly

Hi, I have a few questions and I hope some of you can give me answers. I am married to my wonderful husband however i have always felt like i could love more than one person and be married to more than one person. He is not interested in having anymore wives but is very open and has given me the "ok" to search out a position as a sister wife. My main question is this... Is this a situation that is unusual?
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  #2  
Old 07-19-2012, 04:43 AM
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Maybe a bit as it sounds like you are limited to married men? But generally, no, there are many couples (including my men and I) who are so called mono/poly. Meaning one having multiple relationships and one having just one partner.
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  #3  
Old 07-19-2012, 04:53 AM
flux29 flux29 is offline
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No, im not limited to married men. I just used that because it was what i was thinking about at the time. I am very open to single mono men. I am happy to see that you have mono men. I am starting to feel a lot less "weird" the more i read here.
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  #4  
Old 07-19-2012, 06:15 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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You would not be a sister wife. He would be... kinda... but your partner is not his brother. Or do you want to be with your sister's spouse? Or be the other wife to a couple? Like an "N" or a "W" config?

I don't think you mean that. I think you mean YOU are the hinge. And your DH is ok with that. But he doesn't want any other loves, so just you is it for him.

To him then they'd be metas or metamours. "My lover's other lover."

Better still -- call it a "closed poly-fi V" structure. I think that is maybe what you are after and I don't know your plan to dating but getting some vocab down better could help you succeed in finding what you want. Esp if you are writing personals and stuff.

He is married to you, you could not actually be LEGALLY married in some places to your Other Significant Other (OSO) but could have a poly commitment ceremony for spiritual/emotional reasons if/when that gets to that place. I think that's what he is saying by being "open." Is that what he is saying?

But basically I get the vibe you are thinking like it would be a closed thing to just you three in the end of your dating time to find the right fit, right?

With you as the hinge with the two spouses, and the arms of the "V" being friends. He says he's not open to more spouses, so he's not looking for a triad situation. Then it would be like 3 "V" laying on top of each other because each person IS involved with the other two romantically, sexually etc.

Anyway, that's what I'm hearing. I'm not sure.

GG

Last edited by GalaGirl; 07-19-2012 at 06:20 AM.
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  #5  
Old 07-19-2012, 07:24 AM
Courious Courious is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
You would not be a sister wife. He would be... kinda... but your partner is not his brother. Or do you want to be with your sister's spouse? Or be the other wife to a couple? Like an "N" or a "W" config?

I don't think you mean that. I think you mean YOU are the hinge. And your DH is ok with that. But he doesn't want any other loves, so just you is it for him.

To him then they'd be metas or metamours. "My lover's other lover."

Better still -- call it a "closed poly-fi V" structure. I think that is maybe what you are after and I don't know your plan to dating but getting some vocab down better could help you succeed in finding what you want. Esp if you are writing personals and stuff.

He is married to you, you could not actually be LEGALLY married in some places to your Other Significant Other (OSO) but could have a poly commitment ceremony for spiritual/emotional reasons if/when that gets to that place. I think that's what he is saying by being "open." Is that what he is saying?

But basically I get the vibe you are thinking like it would be a closed thing to just you three in the end of your dating time to find the right fit, right?

With you as the hinge with the two spouses, and the arms of the "V" being friends. He says he's not open to more spouses, so he's not looking for a triad situation. Then it would be like 3 "V" laying on top of each other because each person IS involved with the other two romantically, sexually etc.

Anyway, that's what I'm hearing. I'm not sure.

GG
How did you talk to him about being poly? Was it hard? What did you say? I'll be talking to be SO soon....
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  #6  
Old 07-19-2012, 09:50 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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I am in a vee. I am the female hinge between two mono men.

I have been married to D for 11 years, and we have 3 kids. He is the one who knew I was poly.. He is the one who opened up things for me to see other men. But D is wired kinky and likes feeling a bit like a cuckold..

My boyfriend M and I have been together around 4 months. I spend several days at M's house. He is more like me on many levels. I just kind of fell into step with M.

My relationship with the guys is kind of separate but equal. They know about each other. They actually finally met last weekend when D's car died and he needed my car. I was at M's house for the weekend and had to have M follow me home to drop off my car so D could get to work. They get along just fine but prefer to keep things separate. D likes to hear what I have been up to with M.

There will never be any cohabitation between the guys. If M and I want to make a more permanent commitment to each other it will be a non legal type of marriage. You can have the wedding hoopla without the piece of paper.

Luckily M likes space every once in a while and works midnights. I go home and bug D. It works well as things are now. Every other weekend M gets me for the whole weekend. That is only sort of a problem when it also falls on a weekend D is off too. I also tend to stay over with M on his days off. Tonight is a rare night I am not with M. But the car situation with D put a damper on that.. But M understands.

The hard thing is when I want to take M to a function (like work parties) but can't cause I am kind of closeted.

Last edited by Dagferi; 07-19-2012 at 09:54 PM.
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  #7  
Old 07-25-2012, 11:40 AM
JJ87 JJ87 is offline
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Hi Dagferi, can I ask you something? Where are the kids when you are at M's house? I'm just curious. My kids are older, with the youngest being 18 and still at home. He has mild autism so he will be at home for awhile. With that being said, I don't know how to broach the subject of momma having a boyfriend LOL
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  #8  
Old 07-25-2012, 08:23 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JJ87 View Post
Hi Dagferi, can I ask you something? Where are the kids when you are at M's house? I'm just curious. My kids are older, with the youngest being 18 and still at home. He has mild autism so he will be at home for awhile. With that being said, I don't know how to broach the subject of momma having a boyfriend LOL
Sure...

My husband either is at home with the kids like this coming weekend. My husband D is off every 3rd weekend. Or my oldest son is here. He is 18.

I really don't discuss my love life with my kids. My 18 yo doesn't want to think about me having sex with anyone...lol. My 9 and 5 yo boys know M is mom's friend and she cares for him very much.

M really hasn't been around the kids yet. They have seen him through the winow two weeks ago when we had to drop off my car for D and when M dropped me off that Monday. When I was dating D he didn't meet my oldest son until I knew he was going to be around a very long time. When I know M is definately sticking around then D and I will set some ground rules.
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  #9  
Old 07-27-2012, 06:42 PM
TuttiandHubby TuttiandHubby is offline
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WOW!!!!!!! I am in NO WAY judging you but theres NO WAY that I could let my wife leave me and our kids every other weekend for another guy. If all our kids were grown and out of the house,then I could see it but at that young age,I couldnt do it and I know my wife could NEVER leave her kids every other weekend for a guy or a woman!!!!!
How long have you been doing this??? What would you do if your hubby says" Hey,since your having all the fun,im looking into finding a GF so can have fun too and go away for weekends!!!!"

Last edited by AutumnalTone; 07-30-2012 at 04:53 PM. Reason: changed formatting
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  #10  
Old 07-27-2012, 08:11 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TuttiandHubby View Post
WOW!!!!!!! I am in NO WAY judging you but theres NO WAY that I could let my wife leave me and our kids every other weekend for another guy. If all our kids were grown and out of the house,then I could see it but at that young age,I couldnt do it and I know my wife could NEVER leave her kids every other weekend for a guy or a woman!!!!!
How long have you been doing this??? What would you do if your hubby says" Hey,since your having all the fun,im looking into finding a GF so can have fun too and go away for weekends!!!!"
Um, hello there claming-to-be-nonjudgemental-yet-still-judging person... you are aware that this is a site about POLYAMORY, aren't you?

Sheesh, the closed minds of some people.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by AutumnalTone; 07-30-2012 at 04:54 PM. Reason: changed formatting in quoted post
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