Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #91  
Old 11-11-2013, 06:25 PM
Vicki82 Vicki82 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 148
Default

It was another awesome weekend with E. I had been worried that things would change since we hadn't seen each other in so long and communication had been sparse while I was on vacation. I know he wants to see a partner more often than he sees me, and a month is a really long time not to see someone. But it just wasn't doable until now, between vacation and work and family stuff.

He told me that he is no longer seeing D, and while he cares for her very much, he won't consider her as a romantic or sexual partner anymore. Apparently she's kind of falling apart and has pushed everyone away from her- she specifically told him she'll be out of contact for a month. He didn't tell me the details and they're really none of my business, but I had mixed feelings. Part of me was a little jealous of her, because I had wanted him to feel about me the way I imagine he feels/felt about her. Although I wonder if I was projecting something that wasn't there- there's no way to know. I knew she wasn't really interested in having a full on relationship with him again, despite his interest. They hooked up a couple of times but that was it. And honestly, I never really liked her, and it had nothing to do with her relationship to E. I spent some time hanging around her and while she seemed nice enough, she just wasn't the type of person I normally make friends with, and that's okay. I didn't mind spending time around her (although honestly I preferred not to), I just knew it wasn't going to be a friendship. But now that I know things are over between them, I am feeling sad for him. I mean, while I care for him and try to spend as much time with him as I can, I'm a married woman with a family. I can't see him as often as we'd both like. He deserves to have someone local available to be with romantically and sexually, despite the fact that I know I'd have issues with it if he was seeing someone seriously. That's my problem, not his. I wish things were better for him. But yeah- the selfish part of me is a little happy and that makes me sad.

I was a little worried about coming home and H having problems, so I made sure to stay in contact with texts and short phone calls all weekend to let him know I was still there. Happily, he was fine when I got home- told me he had a really nice weekend with our child and he was glad I had a nice weekend, too. We had sex and cuddled and it made me feel so much better.

The time with E was great, too. I had really missed him after not seeing him for so long. I feel like it was really intimate, too. While the sex was fantastic as usual, I know that what I am really craving is that closeness. It made me really happy that we went out on a "regular" date and just enjoyed each other's company, and that we spent a bunch of time just cuddling in bed and talking.

It's interesting, because while I know I shouldn't compare relationships, I keep finding myself thinking about the things E gives me that I never got from L. L and I spent nearly all our time in bed when we were together, just going out to eat and maybe for a drive. We didn't really do social things together because of the distance and because of his DADT. I remember telling him that I wanted more, that I wanted to do more gf/bf type of things and he kept asking me what that meant and I couldn't really explain it. But this is what it was- just two people who like spending time together going out and having fun. This is what I wanted- what made me realize that I'm polyamorous and not just polysexual.

I love E. It was hard this weekend not letting those words slip out, but I've made a conscious decision that's the way it will be. We had that discussion back in August, and I respect that isn't what he wants from our relationship, so I have no expectations in that regard. It's still hard sometimes, because our time together can be so good that it hurts to think that it won't be more. But I remind myself that it is indeed, THAT good, and after five months it's still wonderful being with him. Part of me still has hopes that things will change, but I've made peace with the fact that hope can exist as long as there is no expectation.

Whatever it is, it's pretty fucking awesome. The little moments still stay in my mind and replay themselves. Just the little intimacies... him brushing some hair off my face while we cuddle, or his arm tightening around me while we're lying in bed watching TV. I know he cares about me, so I don't need to be focused on labelling it.

I love him. I love doing kinky things with him. I love having sex with him. I trust him. And I just plain enjoy being around him. For now, that's enough.
__________________
Me: 31 year old poly bisexual Dominant female, married to Mark (married 9 years). Dating John, 4 months.


Last edited by Vicki82; 11-11-2013 at 06:40 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #92  
Old 11-18-2013, 04:50 PM
Vicki82 Vicki82 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 148
Default

It's been interesting seeing how I felt post last weekend with E. I didn't see him this past weekend because he had plans, but I will be seeing him this coming weekend.

I didn't have that big crash after seeing him that time, which surprised me a little. I still had that lingering feeling of sadness and wanting more, but less of the other negative feelings. I've also noticed that I have much less interest in finding someone new, someone who might want the same type of relationship that I do. I tell myself it's because I'm really happy with E, and that I care more about him as a person than potentially finding a new guy who would want to be my sub and my lover.

I don't have time for multiple secondary relationships, so it's not as easy as just leaving myself open to meeting more people. If I started dating someone new, I wouldn't have time for E.

And of course... hope springs eternal. It's still hard for me to accept that he has no feelings of that nature for me since the way I feel when we're together is loved and cared for. Sigh.

This weekend I'm having a party, and it was supposed to be a few of my vanilla friends who know I'm poly, E, and H. H told me a few days ago that right now in his current mental state, that he isn't able to cope with being around E in a social setting for the weekend. All of our friends would be staying here for the weekend so it's not like it's only a few hours.

I'm feeling sad that H is choosing not to attend my party, but I know it's better than him going and having a meltdown because he still feels shaky. He told me that he's fine with me having the relationship with E- just that right now he can't cope with seeing it. I really wish things were different. We talked again last night and I told him that it's hard for me to understand the difference in what he says, that I worry that what he's telling me is that he's NOT okay with my relationship and that's why he can't be there. He says it's not the case, but at least I was able to explain my feelings and why I've been so down lately. I had been really excited and looking forward to having all my favourite people around for my birthday, and I was prepared to negotiate limits with H on his comfort level for my behaviour with E in front of him. But, it's not going to happen for now. At least H is getting better at understanding his emotions. He's not very good with feelings at times and understanding how and why, and expressing them. So, this is a start.
__________________
Me: 31 year old poly bisexual Dominant female, married to Mark (married 9 years). Dating John, 4 months.

Reply With Quote
  #93  
Old 11-26-2013, 05:20 AM
Vicki82 Vicki82 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 148
Default

I isolated what I think is one of the most important facts about my relationship with E. Thinking back to my relationship with L- he told me that he loved me, but he never made me feel loved. Maybe he did in his own way, but he didn't give me the things I need to truly enjoy the feeling. The words were nice and gave me a thrill... but the actions meant more.

E doesn't say the words. It's likely that he doesn't have those particular feelings. But he does the actions that make me feel loved. Regardless of whether he loves me, or even if we have the same definition of the word "love", he genuinely cares about me and wants me to be as happy as he can make me. And that's a hell of a lot better than an empty ILY. Am I still greedy and want both? Absolutely But I'm also going to enjoy the hell out of what I've got.

I had a wonderful weekend with E. H did choose to leave and spend the weekend with his friends instead of attending my party, but we also had a heart to heart afterwards where he told me that he thinks he just needs more time to process things, and maybe next time we have a games weekend (every three or four months) that he might be okay with E being there. He's just feeling tapped out emotionally because of work so he didn't have the energy to try. I really appreciate that he's willing to keep trying because he loves me.

E baked me my favourite cake for my birthday. He really put a lot of time and effort into it, and it was really sweet of him. He told me that his goal for the weekend was to make sure I had as good a time as possible. He succeeded
__________________
Me: 31 year old poly bisexual Dominant female, married to Mark (married 9 years). Dating John, 4 months.

Reply With Quote
  #94  
Old 12-01-2013, 06:13 PM
Vicki82 Vicki82 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 148
Default

Well, just when I felt like I was learning those lovely lessons about myself, I got things sorted in my head just in time to get dumped.

E broke up with me last night. He gave me the usual bullshit, but basically said that he wanted to fall in love and it wasn't happening with me, and while he enjoyed our time together very much and cares for me, he doesn't have the time and money to invest in a long distance relationship that isn't going where he had hoped.

So, yeah. Maybe I'm not cut out for this sort of thing after all. I'd love to go crawl into a little ball, but H is away on a business trip and I'm effectively a single mom for the next 8 days. Also having some extended family stress, so this was a fabulous time for a breakup.

Oh, and did I mention he was a complete dickhead about it? I mean, I know logically that he was totally clueless but he told me he'd made the decision before my birthday but didn't want to spoil it (like knowing that didn't make me feel strung along, not to mention I would have had H home for support), he spent the entire day yesterday with me and my son (first time for him to meet my son, for heaven's sake) and behaved totally normally, and even after my son went to bed for the night we hung out on the couch and watched a TV series we liked. I asked him if there was anything he wanted and he smiled and said "your feet". So he actually rubbed my feet for an hour and a half while we watched TV before he finally told me. Umm... blindsided, anyone? And then he started crying. WTF? So not okay.

Oh, and since he waited so damn long to tell me that there were no more buses back to his city last night which put me in an awful position. I just wanted him to leave so I could be by myself and cry but if I threw him out he had nowhere to go and no transportation. I let him stay in my basement and kept my son upstairs in the morning until he left. When he had the nerve to text me and thank me for the good times and tell me there was still a space in his heart for me as a friend and he hoped to hear from me soon. Yeah, I'll be jumping at that.

I'm just not cut out for dating. I'm not good at protecting my heart.
__________________
Me: 31 year old poly bisexual Dominant female, married to Mark (married 9 years). Dating John, 4 months.

Reply With Quote
  #95  
Old 12-01-2013, 07:53 PM
wildflowers wildflowers is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Boston area
Posts: 178
Default

So sorry it turned out this way! I would have found the apparent contradiction between his words and actions confusing too. Good luck with getting through the next week or so on your own.
Reply With Quote
  #96  
Old 12-03-2013, 09:16 PM
Vicki82 Vicki82 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 148
Default

Yeah, I think a big part of what I'm feeling is confusion, because it just doesn't make sense that he spent all our time together being so loving and caring towards me, and then for this to come out like a bolt from the blue. But in the end, I suppose it really doesn't matter.

What I guess makes me feel even sadder is that now I feel that I can't attend the parties I had wanted to. They're in his city and I have nowhere to stay there now, and I am not really up to facing him right now. But this was my outlet- my personal life has become really stressful lately, and just winding down and having some sex and cuddles or some BDSM play really helped me out.

I mean, I'm sure I'll find another man. I worried about that when my relationship with L ended, but logically I know there will always be another man. And perhaps I won't have those niggling doubts if I find someone who wants the same things that I do- I knew this relationship was unbalanced and that I was suppressing things that I wanted. But, the endorphin rush was so good, that it was worth it. Perhaps the fizzle would have come for me at some point too, although I probably would have been willing to accept it for much longer because of the great sex. Hell, I would have been willing to drop to merely FWB with him if he'd wanted, but either he didn't think of that or wasn't interested. I have more self respect than to suggest it.

But I digress. My point is, is this all that it is? Since I'm happily married, and I'm not looking for a co-primary situation, is my life going to be one heartbreak after another as relationships end? I don't know if I can handle that. A few months of happiness, and then the pain of loss? I'm not good at protecting my heart; when I'm falling for someone, I leave myself wide open. My husband has always said I wear my heart on my sleeve.

I'm thinking that perhaps what I should take away from this relationship is that it is helping my husband and I communicate better again. I wrote him a really long email that basically described my wants and needs and thoughts, and he really listened to me. I hope now that he understands my needs a little better.

But as for what to do in the future? I have no idea. Maybe I'm just not cut out for this. I can't even think of this continuing to happen over and over, but I also know I won't be happy remaining monogamous. It seems like a problem with no solution.

In the next post is the email I sent to my husband, if anyone cares. He had asked me why I had to keep having more... why I couldn't just be happy with an open marriage. And he's right. When we first negotiated this, it was purely sex only, and it was supposed to be when he was on the road, not when he was home. Then there was that fucking mess with L where I fell in love and didn't talk to him about it until the situation had already progressed to becoming a problem. Yay me. I was just so selfish that I didn't want to give up something that made me happy, so I tried not to consider his wants and needs because I wanted him to put them aside for me. And you know what? He did.

Then I got into kink, and he was okay with me starting to go away on weekends for parties even if he was home because he wanted me to be happy. He keeps giving and giving and I keep wanting more. It's been so hard not knowing myself, what I need and want, because the last thing I want to do is hurt him like this. So I really tried to sit down and tell him everything so that he can make a decision about what he needs.

And once again, he's tried to give me what I want. He thanked me for writing the email and took it to heart. He told me that I could have my weekends, and have a real relationship if that's what I needed to have. Just for the meantime, he didn't want to have to see it. That meant no texting when he was around. If that wouldn't make me happy, then he asked me to close for three months to give him some time to process and to work on our marriage together, and he'll see if it's something he can handle then. He thinks that it might be possible if we're back on good footing again, now that he understands more about where I'm coming from.

It's funny how writing it all out shows me how lucky I've gotten in my marriage. I guess sometimes our perspective gets so biased and skewed that you forget to see things from the other person's side. He deserves better than he has gotten from me.
__________________
Me: 31 year old poly bisexual Dominant female, married to Mark (married 9 years). Dating John, 4 months.

Reply With Quote
  #97  
Old 12-03-2013, 09:17 PM
Vicki82 Vicki82 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 148
Default

My email to my husband:

************************************************** ****

************************************************** **
It's funny... I've tried to spend the evening analyzing myself because sometimes introspection is a good thing. I have found that I've learned a lot about myself over the past two years even when it hurts.

I'm a total fucking mess right now, and it's not why you think. I feel like just a few months ago, I had everything I wanted. Well, with the exception of a good relationship with my mother. But nothing's perfect, and I could deal with that.

First, there's [our son]. He's much better and we're having more good days than bad, but he's still just a little lighter on the emotional trigger, a little tougher to console, still showing signs of regression, and just in general not quite himself. I talked to a friend of mine about it and she said it might last months. So he's tapping much more of my energy and I'm happy to give it to him because I know he needs me but it's really rough when I'm tapped out. But he pretty much said it all today. He was angry and told me to go away forever when I forced him to take cough syrup (he's sick again which means maybe no school tomorrow), but then he cried and told me to stay by his bed and cuddle him and never go. He needs me so much right now.

And yeah, I got dumped. Shit happens. I'm more worried about the lack of extended sessions of oral and the lack of someone to go to parties with, to be honest. He was fun to hang out with but I'm sure there are lots of people who are fun to hang out with and do kinky stuff with. It was just great sex and great kink along with someone whose company was enjoyable, and a massive endorphin rush from those activities. Was he a real coward and an asshole the way he dumped me? Absolutely. But now my worry is that I can't go to parties in [city] by myself and right now I don't want to run into him and I don't know if my friends are still my friends since they were his first.

But the big issue is you. You're the glue that holds my life together. When things go wrong, I need you. My first thought is always that I want you to hold me. Now. And the thought that I might lose the thing in my life that truly matters (other than [our son]) is what makes me feel like my world is crumbling around me. It's like I had all my ducks in a row and someone shot them all out of the pond. Hmm. Guess the simile falls apart because having ducks in a row makes them easier to shoot. But you get the idea.

I just simply cannot deal and yet I don't see how we're going to make it work and that crushes me even more. Are there things that I want, that I'm willing to compromise? Absolutely. I have made some along the way, as I know you have. But I've treated you very badly and I want to acknowledge that. It was really selfish of me to try and get you together with E at my party. I wanted it so, so badly, but it wasn't fair to you and I can see how difficult I made it for you. I should have been more respectful of you.

But I think emotional monogamy is going to be a dealbreaker for me, ultimately. I remember back to January when I fucked all those random guys after my breakup with L and it just didn't make me happy. It's fun once in a while to just fuck a new cock without worrying about anything else, but it doesn't meet that need I have for connection along with it. It doesn't need to be love. I just need at least friendship, communication, and enjoyment of company. Throw in kink and I'm a very happy woman.

You don't meet my need for intimacy and physical contact. You just don't want it as often as I do, and it's the primary way that I feel close to someone. I need that touch, that sense of rightness when I'm being held. When you give it to me and there's no expectation of time pressure, it's so good that I could cry. But you have to be honest that you rarely do. I know my need for touch is much, much higher than yours. But I lose my connection when I don't get that, and even if we keep that going, I am just not having my needs met. If you can't give that to me then I need it elsewhere. A casual fuck is not going to hold me the way I need to be held. There has to be something there that's more than sex to meet that. That, and my sex drive is much higher than yours. I would have sex twice a day for multiple hours a session if I could. I know that's not something you want or enjoy. This isn't a need, it's just a want. But I find if I'm not having sex, it's easier to keep not having it, and before I know it I'm starved for physical contact at all. And then my heart starts hurting and I feel distant and that negative feedback loop starts.

Then there's the D/s. It's not all about just flogging someone or whatnot. What really arouses me is the power. I think I commented to you before, would you let someone you only knew casually put you in unbreakable bondage? You admitted that you would not, and it would be stupid to say yes. And having a man on his knees in front of me, knowing that he will take pleasure out of making me happy, whatever that is- it's a rush beyond all rushes. But once again- a man that I do stuff with every once in a while and have no connection to will be simply playing a role- he's not really invested in my happiness. So I don't get that charge that I want so badly. It's why it means so much to me when you do the little things just to make me happy. It's nearly as satisfying to have you fill my water without being asked as it would be to have you do some kinky thing for me. I enjoy the little aspects of power exchange nearly as much as the actual kink activities themselves. Or rather, I enjoy the way the kinky activities foster that power exchange, if it makes sense. It's why it gets me so hot in a certain way to fuck you up the ass- I claim you as mine. I take what I want. And then afterwards there's almost a blanket of intimacy between us- I'm sure you know what I mean. I feel so close to you when we do things like that. But it's also not something I WANT to do unless things are good between us, because I know it won't be any more than fucking. It's the connection that matters to me the most. Am I being clearer about my thoughts? It's really hard to write all this to you.

The last thing I ever wanted to do is hurt you. I love you more than anything, and I want to be your wife. I feel like I'm not myself if I'm not with you, and not in a codependent way. It's more than I feel more myself because I'm with you. It's like I feel like I can take these leaps and explore myself and learn more about who I am and the way I think because I have a man who loves me and accepts me no matter what. I'm sorry that I've treated you poorly and that I didn't give you what you needed to make you happy. Sometimes I have trouble seeing your side of things because I suppose I've become immersed enough that what I do is normal, and so I forget that this is something that is way out there to you.

Where I feel that I am now though, is that I will wind up being tempted to cheat on you emotionally and just trying to hide it. I can promise you to try and restrict my activities to what you want, but I don't know that I'll be able to keep that, and I don't want to lie to you. One thing that I have loved about having this style of marriage is that I can be open and honest with you and I felt like it brought us closer together. If I start lying to you now just to make my life more convenient, we might as well just call it quits. It's one reason I really hate the Don't Ask Don't Tell that you want, because I feel like it puts walls between us. That's what spurred my disrespectful behaviour towards your need to be away from it, because I was frustrated at the idea that I had things in my life I couldn't tell you. That doesn't excuse me pushing you out of your comfort zone though.

My mind can't even comprehend a life without you. Certainly, I don't want [our son] deprived of his father. You are an amazing father and I want us to be a family. But I also don't want to make you miserable and I don't want to make me miserable. So I don't know what to do. All I can do is pour out my heart and tell you what I've been thinking about. I don't know where this leaves us.

Believe me, if I could give up my need and not have it anymore to keep you happy, I would. But it's not a want. I can trace it back through all the ways we've connected through our entire relationship. Remember how I'd always want you in the bed for cuddles and you'd always be trying to escape? It was my way of feeling close to you, secure, and it made me happy. I know you never liked that- you're not as much for touch as I am. I need it to be happy, though. I don't mind having the general need met elsewhere as long as I still have some intimate touch (not necessarily sex) with you. It's when I don't get any with you that it becomes a real problem whether I'm getting it elsewhere or not.

So please don't think this is me being selfish and just trying to take... that's the last thing I'd ever want. Is there any way that we can make this work? I just wish I knew some way to show you how much I love you and what you mean to me. I want to cut through all the crap that we do to each other and go back to having our healthy, open, and honest relationship. We're both tapped out and then it's so hard for us to relate to each other in the way we both need. We're both very different in ways of internalizing and externalizing the way we relate to one another that it takes that extra work to do it... and when we're both drained it can be tough for us to go the extra mile and do what needs to be done.

Let me know when you're ready to talk.

************************************************** ******
__________________
Me: 31 year old poly bisexual Dominant female, married to Mark (married 9 years). Dating John, 4 months.

Reply With Quote
  #98  
Old 02-22-2014, 09:10 PM
Vicki82 Vicki82 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 148
Default

So my husband and I temporarily closed our marriage for the past three months so that we could work on our own connection and deal with our issues. Straightforward since I wasn't seeing anyone anyway.

We did a lot of talking and I am really proud of him for taking the time to explore why he was unhappy and not just write it off as a hard limit. We did some really open and honest discussion of thoughts and feelings, and while it was painful, I think now we might finally be able to heal.

He told me that he starts to have an issue with my relationships when HE feels like the secondary one. That when I get so excited about my new partner and spend all my time texting and planning to see them and invest less energy at home, he gets unhappy. I can't really blame him for that. I didn't realize I was doing it, but I can see myself in the throes of NRE and say it's likely I'm guilty of it.

He knew I was really miserable over not being able to have a D/s relationship these past few months. I still went out to BDSM parties, but while play is fun, what I was really craving was the intense mental connection of Dominating a partner. I tried to keep my feelings to myself because we had made an agreement, but he's right that I was unhappy at basically having to keep part of myself locked away with no means to express it.

He had offered during that time, that it was okay for me to have a D/s relationship with a woman, or to have sex with either gender, but he was uncomfortable with the idea of me having a D/s relationship with a man. To me, D/s is very intense, and it is emotional and sexual. I asked him, if everything else was the same, to please think about why the gender of my partner mattered. That's when he did his thinking and realized he just needs to feel first in our life, which is fine with me and I'll do my best to make him feel that way. We also set out specific boundaries about family time which I think will help a lot.

But I feel better. I was worried that our marriage was ultimately going to end because I had all these fears that he really isn't happy with me as myself, that he wishes he had a vanilla monogamous wife. I was worried to put all my effort back into improving things between us and then realizing that we'll be fundamentally incompatible if I can't explore my interests in BDSM and D/s, which I don't think I can give up and still be happy. We love each other, we're fantastic partners and parents, but it's been tough getting back to that place where we feel happy with each other again. I think I can feel the clouds receding, though.

He's told me to go ahead, when I'm ready, to pursue a relationship that will make me happy. I'm still a little anxious and wondering what will happen when I meet someone, if things will be okay at home or if we'll go back to this mess. I'm not sure I'm ready to do that yet. But at least knowing I can helps me feel better.
__________________
Me: 31 year old poly bisexual Dominant female, married to Mark (married 9 years). Dating John, 4 months.

Reply With Quote
  #99  
Old 02-23-2014, 11:28 PM
4allinfl 4allinfl is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 6
Default

Vicki much has appeared to have transpired with yourself and hubby. Some good and some stressful. It sounds that deep down you both still care and love each other deeply. Some of your interests and needs have changed. Hopefully with you being to explore for a relationship that you desire also helps close any gaps for each of you.

Finding that right person that fills your needs and is accepted by each of you can be a challenge. Hubby appears from you last post is acknowledging that you need to find what completes that other side of you.
Reply With Quote
  #100  
Old 03-02-2014, 04:48 AM
Vicki82 Vicki82 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 148
Default

It's kind of funny... I had just decided to take things easy and not really look for anyone. I mean, we literally just agreed and set some boundaries that made H comfortable.

It seems like single guys just don't show up at munches and play parties, and I will no longer date vanilla. So I was just enjoying being friends with people, getting in some casual play, and feeling like something was missing.

Then I met J at a party. Things are still new between us, but I felt that connection. He's certainly making a significant effort to show me how interested he is. He's a smoker, but has never smoked around me (and we've been together 7-8 hours at a time). He has also walked an hour each way in -20 weather to see me. It's really nice to feel appreciated and wanted like that!

So I don't know... I want to take things slowly, though. Both for my own sake, and for that of my marriage. The NRE is already starting to hit because we've spent so much time together the past two weeks, and lots of it was cuddling time. Oxytocin will do that, I'm well aware.

The D/s energy between us is intoxicating. This is what I've been missing for so long. He's right that I've been unhappy being unable to express this aspect of my personality, and I just feel so much... lighter. Happier. It's not that I'm not happy with H as my husband. I just need an outlet for my Dominance, too. And I value intimate connection so highly. I'm just happier in more than one relationship. I connect deeply with friends too. This is just who I am.

One day at a time... I don't want to get back on the roller coaster.
__________________
Me: 31 year old poly bisexual Dominant female, married to Mark (married 9 years). Dating John, 4 months.


Last edited by Vicki82; 03-02-2014 at 04:51 AM.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 04:41 AM.