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Old 07-20-2012, 12:57 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
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Just something I was thinking, you should probably tell bf about your feelings for og sooner rather than later. Otherwise, if they get stronger rather than less so, to the point that you feel compelled to act on them, it's going to feel to him like an even more of a betrayal because you knew that this was brewing and could have talked it out with him.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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Old 07-20-2012, 05:24 PM
LostInCanada LostInCanada is offline
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 21

Originally Posted by Anneintherain View Post
Well it isnt TOTALLY ridiculous. Perhaps OG will agree that he will try a monogamous relationship with your bf That is between them. Of course I usually assume anybody who is like - hey lets be mono FWB while we aren't really friends and I have actual relationships... to be somebody who is going to be told "oh sure" and then whining a month later all surprised that a person who agreed to that went off and had their own relationships because they didn't consider your request to be real since it's so ridiculous. Hopefully if OG is thinking "no thanks I like your gf too" he manages to express that (otherwise is he really ready to be in a healthy poly relationship at all?)

YOU however, yep, sounds like you'll have more negotiating to do. I'm guessing you've written posts before but I don't recall them directly. I hope you can do a firm "these are my boundaries, and this is what I wont accept" sort of statement to your boyfriend. And yes, even a - well no, if you have sexual partners I am going to also so lets discuss the reality. check never hurts.
Thanks for the reply. I see why my boyfriend thinks why his idea is feasible. OG works a ton, averaging probably 60 or more hours a week, so he thinks that as long as his sexual needs are being fulfilled he won't need or want someone else. The part he's missing out on is the fact that it's not always all about sex. Guys have emotional needs to, and I don't see why he doesn't get that since he himself has them. I think what I'm going to do is ask him to put himself in OG's position. Being the third person coming into a relationship and being told you have to do X because this is what we want, and how that would make him feel. Maybe empathy will kick in for him.

And AnnabelMore you menitoned telling him about my crush for OG. I want to tell him but at the same time I kinda want them to get to know each other more. But I will tell him how I feel sooner rather than later.
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coming out, polyamory vs. monogamy

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