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  #11  
Old 07-17-2012, 07:59 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Just wanted to point this out...

Could just be that your hinge guy has a certain love vocab/action plate.

Because he does the same type things with you in the newer rship that he did with her in beginning of the older rship doesn't have to mean you are less special to him than the other. It's just his way of going when HE is in love with people.

When I was open I called my loves "sweetie" or "hon" or nibbled ears hello or whatnot... That is part of MY love vocab/plate of actions. It didn't mean I loved A more than B or B more than A. It means *I* am in love and this is how I behave in love.

If you are comfortable sharing and going "Aw, isn't our Hinge Guy so cute in love? He always does that flower thing doesn't he?" that's great. If you are not comfortable sharing and feel like it takes away from specialness, perhaps back up some and don't share so much.

GG
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  #12  
Old 07-17-2012, 10:10 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anneintherain View Post
Then again, maybe she is very ready to stop sharing so much, but either forgot she asked you to share everything, or doesn't have the tools to figure out how to ask you to stop without appearing rude (I'm an eternal optimist, what can I say)
I don't know Anne, it sounds like she may have gotten a bit more out of her request than she intended and may have lashed out a bit in response. So you may well be right that a bit of renegotiation is in order (and that she is hoping for it).

Regardless, the only way that the approach of hinting and hoping / withholding in retaliation is going to actually make things better is by pure accident. If we want an outcome that is not entirely left up to luck we need to be up front with how we feel, where we are coming from, and where we hope to go.

Just remember that with all of your communication the goal is to connect - to understand one another in a constructive fashion.
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  #13  
Old 07-17-2012, 11:40 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Maybe specialness is an illusion in these type of relationships. The depth and intimacy blow through thoses barriers which is were those differences generally lie .
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  #14  
Old 07-18-2012, 12:07 AM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Default Specialness

I find that the idea of "specialness" is generally associated with "ownership".

What I mean is, "you only tell me you love me" is special, but it is also owning "I love you". "He only does this with me" is owning that particular thing. That gut wrenching feeling we have when someone else gets that thing comes from the fact that we think we are entitled to ownership and it has been given/loaned to someone else. In my opinion, ownership does not belong in a relationship between loving adults.

Specialness, in my world, comes from my partner being honest with me, dedicating themselves to me (when they are with me), finding joy in me and taking the time to get to know me. THAT is special; owning a phrase/action/time slot is not special to me, that is a logistical arrangement.

So for me, specialness in my relationships is alive and well - I just try to keep it separate from the trappings of ownership (failing at this probably as frequently as I succeed).
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