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  #1  
Old 08-31-2011, 06:15 PM
Lucia Lucia is offline
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Default Talk about emotional.

My hubby doesnt want to talk or tell about his emotion.
I can see his annoying and angry, but when I asked him, he said its ok, im ok, doesnt matter.
I asked him, tell me what, why you get grumpy or annoyed. What sort of thing we should do or shouldnt do.
so I can try to not make him grumpy or annoyed.

He is struggling to try to both of us not hurt and jelouse.
I try to ignor what my hubby and his gf does, but my hubby said my face was all annoyed. So He has to say to his gf, cant chat with her now. That's make him annoyed and grumpy, I guess.
I know I shouldnt get annoyed about he talk to his gf.

Should i just wait for him wants to talk?
What poeple do if one of you dont really want to talk about emotion.
I think its become bandlies and roles issue....
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  #2  
Old 08-31-2011, 07:03 PM
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SoCalExile SoCalExile is offline
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You can wait, but there's a difference between patience and letting your husband avoid the conversation altogether. Based on what you shared in your last thread, I strongly recommend professional help. It seems there are some deep problems in your marriage and neither of you sound very happy.

At some point (probably sooner rather than later) your discussions need to happen. Pretending the problems don't exist and/or simply refusing to talk about them is not going to make them go away (I should know!)- and may even make them worse because one or both of you are going to just build up emotional pressure until something explodes.

What's happening now really doesn't sound healthy.
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  #3  
Old 08-31-2011, 11:25 PM
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As the pivot of a vee for several years now.... and your husband might not like hearing this.... his behaviour to me is not acceptable. Some people are good at poly in theory, but in action, they aren't so good. His "grumpiness" is not appropriate behaviour towards you or his girlfriend, ESPECIALLY as he is not talking!

I don't think making yourself feel that you are in some way "wrong" for feeling the way you do is also not okay. You are entitled to every emotion you have and his response should be one of compassion.... he should be asking, "what is going on for you that you are struggling with my talking to her on the phone?" I would suggest he find ways to manage his communication better; perhaps learn some new skills and get about treating the loves of his life like he CARES about what they think and feel, rather than thinking he is entitled to a life dictated by his mood. He is entitled to his feelings and thoughts too, but is not entitled to harbour them and assume and expect that everyone he is in a relationship suck it up so he gets his way....

Sorry, this sounds harsh. It isn't meant to be and I say it with as much empathy as I can muster.... much of my time is spent making sure that I have a smile on my face as we launch into another round of communicating. That is just how it is if it is to work I have found. *eye roll*
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Old 08-31-2011, 11:32 PM
Lucia Lucia is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SoCalExile View Post
I strongly recommend professional help. It seems there are some deep problems in your marriage and neither of you sound very happy.

I think we need to talk about it with professional, but my hubby doesnt trust poeple who call counceler.
there is problem in our marriage which he doesnt want to get marriaged, but he did for me. and we were soo happy untill I come back in uk.


At some point (probably sooner rather than later) your discussions need to happen. Pretending the problems don't exist and/or simply refusing to talk about them is not going to make them go away (I should know!)- and may even make them worse because one or both of you are going to just build up emotional pressure until something explodes.

What's happening now really doesn't sound healthy.
I did explode my emotional really badly, I couldnt take it to be no respect attitude from him.
Then I told him we really need to talk, but seems to be not happen.
I just simply dont know how we can talk about it.
I will wait for while....
Do you think set a day is good things?
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  #5  
Old 08-31-2011, 11:41 PM
Lucia Lucia is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
As the pivot of a vee for several years now.... and your husband might not like hearing this.... his behaviour to me is not acceptable. Some people are good at poly in theory, but in action, they aren't so good. His "grumpiness" is not appropriate behaviour towards you or his girlfriend, ESPECIALLY as he is not talking!

I don't think making yourself feel that you are in some way "wrong" for feeling the way you do is also not okay. You are entitled to every emotion you have and his response should be one of compassion.... he should be asking, "what is going on for you that you are struggling with my talking to her on the phone?" I would suggest he find ways to manage his communication better; perhaps learn some new skills and get about treating the loves of his life like he CARES about what they think and feel, rather than thinking he is entitled to a life dictated by his mood. He is entitled to his feelings and thoughts too, but is not entitled to harbour them and assume and expect that everyone he is in a relationship suck it up so he gets his way....

Sorry, this sounds harsh. It isn't meant to be and I say it with as much empathy as I can muster.... much of my time is spent making sure that I have a smile on my face as we launch into another round of communicating. That is just how it is if it is to work I have found. *eye roll*
NO its not harsh at all. you are right about it.
I dont know how much he gets grumpy with his GF, by the way.
He is hurting because me and his GF get jelouse each other, he simple wants to live with both of us, but thats not going to happen any more.
I dont know how i can support his strugglness, try to not be jelouse, but sometime its on my face.....
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Old 09-01-2011, 04:26 AM
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It seems to me you both have struggles. Him with letting go of HIS agenda and you with your jealousy... how about getting together to TALK about is all....? help each other out.

Have you looked closely at your jealousy? Done some reading here? Have you talked to him about it? He needs to understand that the more he helps you and is considerate of you, the more he gets out of it... pouting about not getting his way is going to eventually put him on the fast track to being single I would think... the furthest away from his dream. I think he needs to realize that people have emotions and they are their for a reason... find out the reason, find a solution and act on it... sounds simple, but its a shit load of work, especially with more than one partner.
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  #7  
Old 09-01-2011, 06:24 AM
Lucia Lucia is offline
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[QUOTE=redpepper;100099]It seems to me you both have struggles. Him with letting go of HIS agenda and you with your jealousy... how about getting together to TALK about is all....? help each other out.

yes, I am struggling too, but he is more struggling to make both of us happy.
which is not success yet.
Do you mean talk about it with 3 of us?
He wanted to talk with 3 of us, but I dont think 3 of us talking isnt going to happen.
I dont know what i say to her.
I already asked him to tell his gf, I want to have sparate life that when he is with me dont interraput, but i dont know if he told her that.
She doesnt want to talk with me, so....

Have you looked closely at your jealousy?

I am still looking at my jealousy.
so far, I jealous cos I havent got time to be only two of us, he always gets text or phone call, chat message from his GF. I dont do that, when I know, think they are together, because I dont want his gf feels a same way as i feel, and also, I want him to enjoy with her time.
I havent got attention as mush as i had before.
It isnt a same way that he treats me before, I dont feel Im specail princess to him anymore.
I dont feel his love....because what has he done to me since i come back in uk.
fear for my visa issue. if someone report it, I wont be able to with him.

Done some reading here?

not all of them yet.

Have you talked to him about it?

not really talk about it when he is sorba.
I was over my emotional limit, and told him how i feel, so he know why I am jealouse.

He needs to understand that the more he helps you and is considerate of you, the more he gets out of it... pouting about not getting his way is going to eventually put him on the fast track to being single I would think... the furthest away from his dream. I think he needs to realize that people have emotions and they are their for a reason... find out the reason, find a solution and act on it... sounds simple, but its a shit load of work, especially with more than one partner.

He know he has to work it out really hard and trying, but looks like he's also avoiding it as well.
for example, he gets nasty grumpy when he drinks, so I told him he should stop drinking, and he nodded. but he did drink when i wasnt at home. Drinking cos he was grumpy. for me, he drinks cos he wants to escape from reallty, but it doesnt any change....

Am I too high expectation?
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  #8  
Old 09-05-2011, 11:30 AM
Lucia Lucia is offline
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I red more posts....

I wrote what couse of my jealous.....
Main jealous is fear of loosing my hubby.
He says he loves me, but he doesnt know if he wants to be with me. ( which incuding, he doesnt know if he wants to divorce.)

That's make me really really scared....

I only guess, because he feels guilty towards me, so not comfortable with me.
on the other hand, with his gf, he doesnt feel guiltness, so more fun and comfy.

I only can do is make sure he is comfortable at home with me, at the morment. try to not talk about our ploblem...( which is not ideal, we should,, but for whole)
so he doesnt need to be feel guilty...

I am not sure, am I doing right things,,,,
if there are anything i can do more, please tell me....
thank you.
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