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  #21  
Old 11-11-2009, 08:22 AM
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Your colours make your post so EASY to read. Ahh, my computer-programming-bloodshot eyes thank you.

Also a great post!
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  #22  
Old 11-11-2009, 08:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rolypoly View Post
Your colours make your post so EASY to read. Ahh, my computer-programming-bloodshot eyes thank you.

Also a great post!
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  #23  
Old 11-15-2009, 07:27 PM
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Default loving and unloving behaviours.

So, my husband I were doing our parenting course homework and came across this fantastic chart... I can't make it a chart here I don't think but a list. It seems that we are learning more, or being reminded at the very least, about communication with our child. Which translates into communication with anyone!

Here is the lists:

Unloving Behaviour
  • Criticizing, putting down, judging
  • Persuading to see things the way you do
  • Attempting to get love
  • Making another wrong, blaming
  • Trying to make another change to do what you think is best
  • ďI know whatís best for you.Ē
  • Trying to hold on and have control
  • Believing you alone know whatís best
  • Trying to impose your suggestions or ideas
  • Trying to make others behave
  • Caring only about your feelings
  • Caring only about anotherís feelings
  • Trying to make someone change to make yourself feel better
Loving Behaviour
  • Listening and wanting to understand
  • Wanting to understand how others sees things
  • Giving love
  • Respecting anotherís choices
  • Being open to understand why you are upset by anotherís behaviour
  • ďIíd like to help you discover whatís best for you
  • Letting go and being willing to deal with anotherís choices, and exploring your discomfort
  • Having faith in your childrenís ability to find whatís best for them
  • Offering suggestions or ideas freely with no strings attached
  • Modeling behaviour
  • Considering anotherís feelings
  • Considering your own feelings
  • Making yourself happy
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  #24  
Old 12-16-2009, 03:10 AM
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Default Can we make this sticky?

Can we possibly make this one sticky? It seems so pertinent since communication is SUCH a big key to functional poly relationships and I had a HELL of a time locating it today!
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  #25  
Old 01-01-2010, 04:04 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Default Written communication

One key I find to good communications is to just acknowledge them as exactly that - a communication.
They are not direct actions etc. This is especially true in places like this where it's limited to written communications and you're devoid of tonality, facial expression, body language etc. People have a wide variance in culture, language, language skills etc and it's important to try to grasp the general concept of what they're trying to express. Avoid taking things too literally. Don't "assume" tone. When in doubt of the overall meaning - ask for clarification before assuming you understand.
And if you feel you have any need what-so-ever to go on the defensive, remember that it's pointless. You are who you are, you believe what you believe, and providing you've expressed it clearly enough for all to understand, you have no need to "defend". Clarify if necessary - for your own and everyone else's benefit - but if you feel a need to defend - there's probably more analysis necessary.

GS
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  #26  
Old 01-11-2010, 07:50 AM
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I wanted to pass on a link about non-violent communication as I think we could all benefit from it being a practice of the way we speak to each other...

http://www.cnvc.org/node/369

It says to begin with:"non-violent communications purpose is to create human connections that empower compassionate giving and receiving"
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  #27  
Old 01-11-2010, 07:56 AM
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Quote:
I wanted to pass on a link about non-violent communication as I think we could all benefit from it being a practice of the way we speak to each other...

http://www.cnvc.org/node/369

It says to begin with:"non-violent communications purpose is to create human connections that empower compassionate giving and receiving"
I agree with the idea and spirit of that write-up, but I STRONGLY disagree with the specifics, even within the defintion.

Also, I reflect on how sad it is that aggression and violence is so strongly a part of the fabric of society that one needs to address the "non-violent" means of relating to others.
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  #28  
Old 01-11-2010, 08:05 PM
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Drunken, what about the specifics do you disagree with?

The essence of NVC has changed my life tremendously and I adore facilitating it with others.
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  #29  
Old 01-11-2010, 08:58 PM
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I agree that the term "non violent" is unfortunate. I prefer more positive approaches to names, it takes something away from the compassion base behind its meaning.
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  #30  
Old 01-11-2010, 09:04 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I agree that the term "non violent" is unfortunate. I prefer more positive approaches to names, it takes something away from the compassion base behind its meaning.
Some circles of communication and speech therapists call it "facilitated expressive communication", though it refers specifically to the technique when teaching tools for people with autism to express themselves with.
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