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  #11  
Old 07-08-2012, 05:12 AM
km34 km34 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Arrowbound View Post
Not to me. It's unrealistic to expect my SO not to look at other women, and it's unrealistic for him to expect me not to look at other men or women. Illogical, irrational, etc. I've told a girlfriend of my view on this before and she agreed but acknowledged that she still can't handle being witness to an SO looking at anyone else. To each their own I guess.
I second this.

Expecting no looking to occur = ridiculous. It's pretty much an automatic reflex for most people, and while it can be controlled to a certain extent, more than likely it's always going to happen unless a person keeps his or her head down and never looks at anyone.

Expecting a partner to be respectful about it = fair.

Polypenguin - I would say if you're making it obvious that you're checking others out or making comments about others being hot all the time, it's not cool. If she just watches for signs that you're doing it, that's her problem.
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  #12  
Old 07-08-2012, 05:18 AM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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A bright and shining moment of my youth stands out in this category. I was newly out and bi, and I was dating a very handsome bi man. We stayed together in his dorm room a lot. He had a roommate, Phil. One morning, we were all waking up, lazing around, thinking of getting up. My amour was spooning me and were both facing Phil's bed (their beds were opposite each other).[oh to be young again, and able to sleep double in a single bed without waking up in agony]

Phil was sleeping in shorts or something, no shirt. He reached a muscled-arm down to the floor, picked up an aluminum can (probably beer) and crushed it. My date and I both shivered with delight, and caught our breath. It was completely weird, and completely lovely at the same time.

That said, most of the men I've been with pretty much only look at me when we're together. I sort of like that. My high school boyfriend and I checked out women all the time; and I did that with the complete and total knowledge and confidence that he only wanted me; and it was just an exercise in eye candy. Had I thought for one moment that he was shopping, I would have been deeply wounded.
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  #13  
Old 07-08-2012, 04:08 PM
polypenguin polypenguin is offline
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EMM, I can understand where you can get that from, but the truth is, i'm trying to find out whether i'm just being a chovenist by looking at other wemon. Genebean doesn't usually read my posts.
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  #14  
Old 07-08-2012, 05:05 PM
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BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
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I think we're genetically predispositioned to admire the human form. Runic Wolf and I sit in the mall food court and check people out together over dinner. Wendigo and I once had a conversation about who, in our larp, made our ooh, I'd love to hit that, but know it's never gonna happen lists.
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  #15  
Old 07-08-2012, 05:44 PM
Vinccenzo Vinccenzo is offline
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We've got eyes and a biological drive towards reproduction on a primal level so I find it completely normal to notice when someone is attractive.

However there is a difference between noticing and leering. Single me found being leered at by someone out on date night with their partner just as uncomfortable as married me does. If they are both into it and whatnot they cool for them, I still find leering at people to be a bit classless.

When I'm out of a date, I might finds someone else attractive. My eyes see it and I internally think "that person is hot" and it takes all of about a split second for that to happen. I don't need to draw anyone else into that process if I'm out of a date and I find it to be derailing to my focus being on my date and the time I'm having with them especially now with poly since not all my dates are with one person. They have to share my attention all the time already, they shouldn't have to share it while I'm with them too.
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  #16  
Old 07-09-2012, 03:33 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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So people enjoy people-watching, others enjoy ogling, and still others don't. trying to come up with a blanket rule for this is futile, in my opinion.

So my answer is - that totally depends on your relationship.
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  #17  
Old 07-09-2012, 05:21 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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I'm personally fine with a partner who doesn't feel like looking at others, or with a partner who likes looking at others and does. What I don't like is a partner who wants to look at others, but doesn't and builds up resentment because he feels it's my fault he can't.
Once again communication is key. I've had a lot of experiences with ex-partners "sacrificing" something "for my sake" and resenting me for it when I didn't ask for anything in the first place.
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  #18  
Old 07-09-2012, 06:01 PM
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Arrowbound Arrowbound is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
I've had a lot of experiences with ex-partners "sacrificing" something "for my sake" and resenting me for it when I didn't ask for anything in the first place.
I had this issue with my ex. One of the most aggravating things ever, especially since I encouraged him to acknowledge his attraction to others. He'd get so twisted inside and feel so guilty he'd ask for 'breaks', like that was supposed to be a cure-all.
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  #19  
Old 07-10-2012, 05:21 PM
polypenguin polypenguin is offline
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I guess it just seems to depend on your relationship. I personally don't feel it's wrong, but I can't speak for everyone.
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  #20  
Old 07-10-2012, 08:12 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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I think it has to be put down as a big FAT depends. Wrong ...no ...maybe ?
Bad form maybe ....with your pregnant wife ...and get caught ...pushing the wrong side of things. So it depends.. Hope that helps
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