How not to be a "homewrecker"

[JynLove]

I have been setting boundaries. I am probably going to not share as much as I used to since that seems to provoke him. So far so good, although he abruptly stopped messaging me today when I got on him about saying things he wouldn't want his wife to see.

[GalaGirl]

So you are in love. That's fine. Feel what you feel when you feel it. Nobody can help how they feel.

But we CAN help how we choose -- to just REACT or act with intention.

In this case? I would act with intention and make it clear that this is a friendship only and keep it in the bucket. Keep (and enjoy) your love feelings to yourself. There's nothing wrong with enjoying love from afar with no return. Crushies are crushies.

BUT... Don't feed a lost cause there by fueling his ill-conceived fantasy. Keep it in the friend bucket.

THEY are not open and they seem rocky. You say you don't want to get in the middle and be like some homewrecker.

So you can be a supportive friend at best only -- encourage him to communicate with wife and sort out whatever rocky they got (and you don't need to know about it.)

Tell him you're not interested in that kind of relationship with him, you want a friendship. If he insists, tell him he's not being respectful of you. If he insists again, stop spending time with him. It doesn't really matter why you don't want a relationship with him. If you say you don't, he should respect that.

Yup. Keep it honorable and keep it clean. And if you can't? Do the honorable thing and cut it loose.

GG

[LostInCanada]

If it were me, I'd tell him that if it isn't such a big deal, he should have no problem telling his wife about how he feels for you. Not should he have a problem telling her that he wants to take your relationship to another level. And distance my ass! I've met two people who used that line on me. I fell in love with both of them, and moved over 2000 miles to be with one, who is now my boyfriend.

[LovingRadiance]

Originally Posted by CielDuMatin

The problem with "harmless flirting" is that it is rarely harmless. A good question to ask, in situations like this, would be "if his wife saw this, would she be upset?" If the answer isn't an immediate "no", then a boundary has been crossed.

Precisely. Love your point blank, clear cut responses Ciel!

[JynLove]

Originally Posted by GalaGirl

So you are in love. That's fine. Feel what you feel when you feel it. Nobody can help how they feel.

But we CAN help how we choose -- to just REACT or act with intention.

In this case? I would act with intention and make it clear that this is a friendship only and keep it in the bucket. Keep (and enjoy) your love feelings to yourself. There's nothing wrong with enjoying love from afar with no return. Crushies are crushies.

BUT... Don't feed a lost cause there by fueling his ill-conceived fantasy. Keep it in the friend bucket.

THEY are not open and they seem rocky. You say you don't want to get in the middle and be like some homewrecker.

So you can be a supportive friend at best only -- encourage him to communicate with wife and sort out whatever rocky they got (and you don't need to know about it.)



Yup. Keep it honorable and keep it clean. And if you can't? Do the honorable thing and cut it loose.

GG

This is what I have been doing. I have altered my behavior greatly to not be misleading, and I am very clear about my intentions whenever things start to shift.