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View Poll Results: What are your views on porn?
I think that some porn is good and I watch some. 19 70.37%
I think that some porn is alright 4 14.81%
I think that porn is bad, but like an addict, I can't help watching some. 1 3.70%
I think that porn is bad and don't go near the stuff 0 0%
Other (please specify in replies to thread) 3 11.11%
Voters: 27. You may not vote on this poll

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  #31  
Old 06-29-2012, 03:50 PM
JynLove JynLove is offline
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Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
I think the problem is only non-consensual objectification, and that consensual objectification is fine, and a lot of fun. I don't know how much watching porn with consensual (for the actors) objectification leads to objectifying (without consent) your sexual partners, but I don't think the blame should be put on the porn, which is a tool.
I believe it's possible to use sex toys and then expect similar things in sex, using the other person's body for your gratification without caring about theirs. So I don't believe the problem is specific to porn, I think it's specific to disrespectful, uncaring partners.
I do agree with that. It is a persons responsiblity to act appropriately themselves.

Sometimes I allow myself to be objectified by my husband, but he knows it is a gift to fulfill his desires. Making him happy is something I WANT and CHOOSE to do. He does not ask for it, but graciously accepts when it is offered.

I actually very often allow him to use me for his pleasure. It brings me a different kind of pleasure. And sometimes I get off anyway too, because seeng his enjoyment heightens mine.

Tonight is a perfect example. I am not particularly in the mood, but he is. I promised an oral favor when he gets home, and he is simply delighted with himself. I will probably even put on my sexy lingerie, and serve him a glass of wine when it's all finished. I enjoy pleasing him in this way.
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  #32  
Old 06-29-2012, 03:53 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
I've never needed porn to get off, as I've pretty much always had a willing, horny sexual partner around since I got started at age 16.
This sentence interests me the most. First because, partner or no partner, to me masturbating is completely different from partnered sex. No amount of sex, short of leaving me too tired or with no time left, would make me stop masturbating. It's just a different thing to me.
Secondly because 16 seems old to me. I mean it's young for a first time (mine was at age 19) but I started masturbating when I was 10 and I can't imagine having no orgasms until I was 16.
And finally because it seems to me it's not porn-or-partner, masturbating without porn is also an option. You might not need porn to get off and have zero partner.

So it was pretty interesting for me to read this sentence. It seems to show different experiences for the two of us (or a misunderstanding on my part, I guess).
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  #33  
Old 06-29-2012, 04:38 PM
km34 km34 is offline
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Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
This sentence interests me the most. First because, partner or no partner, to me masturbating is completely different from partnered sex. No amount of sex, short of leaving me too tired or with no time left, would make me stop masturbating. It's just a different thing to me.
.
You've said this before and it still amazes me. I don't like masturbating that much. I mean, I do it, but it seems purely functional to me - relieving biological sexual needs. It doesn't give me intimacy, it doesn't give me the pleasure and joy of seeing someone else's pleasure, all it gives me is basic sexual release.

I'm also in the camp that only really watches porn when I'm already turned-on. Or sometimes friends and I used to watch some of the REALLY bad plot line stuff to make fun of it. Unless I'm in a sexual situation IRL, video porn doesn't do anything for me except provide entertainment - no turn-on power in itself.

Now, I will READ porn anytime. Well, anytime that I don't mind getting incredibly horny. I've always found words more enjoyable that videos/pictures, though, so I'm not surprised at all that I relate better to written porn. I find it more effective to imagine myself involved when I am reading it than watching other people doing things.
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  #34  
Old 06-29-2012, 04:56 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
This sentence interests me the most. First because, partner or no partner, to me masturbating is completely different from partnered sex. No amount of sex, short of leaving me too tired or with no time left, would make me stop masturbating. It's just a different thing to me.
Oh, no, you didn't read my post well. I do masturbate, a lot. I don't live with either partner, so I jill off on the days I am alone. I also jill when my gf isn't in the mood when we are together. I even jill off sometimes right after partnered sex, even if I've cum a dozen, or 2 dozen times. I'm one of the horniest people I've ever met! hehe I got hornier the older I got, much more horny since I've stopped cycling.

One big reason for me being poly is, no one partner can keep up with my sex drive.

All I meant to say was, I prefer my own fantasies to porn or erotica.


Quote:
Secondly because 16 seems old to me. I mean it's young for a first time (mine was at age 19) but I started masturbating when I was 10 and I can't imagine having no orgasms until I was 16.
Yep, it's true! I didn't become orgasmic til age 16, and didn't actually masturbate until after I'd already had several bfs I'd pet with, and one bf that I had intercourse and orgasms with. Late bloomer! But, I've sure made up for lost time since.

I recall makeout sessions with one bf when I was 15. He'd finger me for an hour or 2, kissing, breast play, and I'd get a warm feeling, but no contractions, no orgasm.

Now I can cum even without clitoral, vaginal, or even breast stimulation. I can cum from giving oral, or being spanked on the butt, or giving a partner a beating, or sometimes just from having a hand or arm stroked. I've even cum just from being ordered to cum, fully clothed, in a restaurant.

Quote:
...a misunderstanding on my part, I guess).
Yep! I should add, I am an artist, and starting back around age 11 thru my 20s, I used to draw my own porn as well. It was stimulating from age 11-16 to draw my erotic pictures, but didn't cause me to want to masturbate.
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Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 61) loving miss pixi (poly, F, 39) since January 2009, living together since 2013
"Master," (mono, 34), miss pixi's Dom for 3 years

Last edited by Magdlyn; 06-29-2012 at 05:00 PM.
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  #35  
Old 06-29-2012, 06:28 PM
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Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
Touching your lover with a feather or end of a scarf over the eyes gently is on the softer end of tactile play than whips and chains, right?

It's all spectrum.
True...

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Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
And it also changes with the partner in question. For instance, with DH? After twenty years together? I go into all kinds of corners of his/my eros. Light or dark. It's all good. But I don't kiss and tell. Too often anyway. HA! ;D
Lol ok :-)

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Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
I would not be so keen to go all over the map with a brand new lover -- some things can only come with time clocked. Clock the time, then we'll see. Build up along the journey, build deeper connection, trust, then we'll see where it goes on THAT relationship's spectrum. Everyone has their preferences.
True.

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Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
I am disturbed by some friends in their early 20s who seem to have the strangest view of sex... like they're supposed to be porn stars or something and when they come to find they are NOT, feel inadequate.
Yeah, I definitely don't think that's good. Would be interested in knowing exactly what it is that pornstars have that they don't have (well toned body or something?).

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Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
Sex ed needs to happen for these young people HARDER than ever because they go looking up all kinds of crazy online.
Yeah.

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Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
More parents and churches need to get on board with that like with Our Whole Lives curricula.
Yeah, those unitarians seem to be pretty good.

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Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
They are leaving the kids out in the cold and without clear critical thinking of the erotic materials (soft or hard) that they access.

JMHO.
Aye.

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Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
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Originally Posted by Scott View Post
Lol :-). It seems from what you're saying that you are therefore.. lesbian?
Bi, married to stray man, closed at this time.
Ok :-)

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Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
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Originally Posted by Scott View Post
Had a look there.. didn't really see a list of movies to see.. probably just couldn't find the right link there.
That explains what feminist porn awards ARE. For shopping list, you scoot over to the movies and there's a subcategory for the past award winning titles.

http://goodforher.com/catalog/adultd..._award_winners
Ah k thanks.

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Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
No, do not see it too often in porn -- cast/crew commentary. Would elevate it a bit if it DID. But there are some few here and there that try.

GG
Agreed.
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  #36  
Old 06-29-2012, 06:58 PM
km34 km34 is offline
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...

Yeah, those unitarians seem to be pretty good.

...
UU conferences for teens also have "cuddle puddles" which are done at a lot of poly conferences as well.

Random fact.
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  #37  
Old 06-29-2012, 07:34 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Thanks for the clarifications, Magdlyn

I had a friend who never masturbated until after she was married (she married her high-school sweetheart, so she was still young) and only started after she had her first orgasm with him, so I knew it happened, but I guess it's always like some kind of revelation to me. When I was a teenager, I always assumed everybody masturbated :P

I think the reason I dissociate it from partnered sex so much could be because my first experiences were when I was so young, and not sexual in the emotional or psychological sense. I remember one of my first orgasms if not the first was from climbing rope in a playing area. The effort from my abs mixed with the slight rubbing of the rope on my crotch caused it, and it was confusing and amazing at the same time. At first I only masturbated that way... I did a lot of climbing rope lol.
As I grew up though, I understood what was going on and started doing it differently, and in private. But still, at the time I didn't know much about penises and how they worked, I didn't know about erections or ejaculation for instance. I didn't picture sex, I did picture boys or men, but it very different contexts.

I think in a way, it's similar to sucking on your thumb when you're a child, in that for years I just did it before going to sleep, because that's the only time I had the privacy, and so it's stayed for me some kind of comfort/relaxation activity, like hugging a teddy bear or something. A lot of the time, I would fall asleep before climax, so I don't tie it 100% with orgasms either, although it's the usual outcome.

I like the anecdote about creating your own erotic material and having an outlet that way, without the physical aspect of masturbating. That's pretty neat.
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  #38  
Old 06-29-2012, 11:10 PM
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I prefer photos over videos personally.
I see. Any idea why?

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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
But, I'm not opposed to my partners watching videos and I have watched a few with them. Generally I get stuck staring dumbfoundedly when the sounds, words, music whatever don't correlate for crap with the actions. That leaves me at a loss for interest and certainly not moving into "turned on" mode.
I also seriously dislike canned sounds or anything else that looks fake.

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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
But, there have been a few over the years that I could lose myself in the obvious enjoyment of the participants.

It's not classified as porn, but the movie Better Than Chocolate was an assigned film for a class I just took this summer. I LOVED the sex scene in it between the two female main characters. It was so damn obvious by the facial expressions that they were enjoying the activity. THAT turned me on beyond belief and led to a great personal experience with my husband.
Cool :-)

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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
I get turned on by sincere enjoyment, it doesn't generally matter what it is that they're doing-as long as everyone who's participating is enjoying it. I can enjoy watching a BDSM scene, or lovemaking, guy on girl, guy on guy, or girl on girl, or more than 2 groups as well. But, I'm not excited if they aren't all VISIBLY enjoying the activity.
Same.
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  #39  
Old 06-29-2012, 11:11 PM
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Originally Posted by km34 View Post
UU conferences for teens also have "cuddle puddles" which are done at a lot of poly conferences as well.

Random fact.
Lol, cool :-)
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  #40  
Old 06-29-2012, 11:15 PM
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Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
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Lol :-). That's so cool to know though; I wasn't really sure what happened while pregnant, other then that sex was still possible; now I know -.-
Well, pretty much everything that happens normally. But going slow to check in more often and having lots of support pillows is an added bonus. And that's not all. Later in pregnancy, the Peanut would wake up and COMPLAIN that mom is having an orgasm. Stretch out, kick whatever. It was amusing to think about what that must be like : Minding your own business taking a snooze in the cozy dark and then your whole world being all shook up! Later breastmilk spraying when extremely aroused or orgasms happened -- that was interesting.
Lol, interesting indeed :-)

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Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
Oh, so much fun! A different kind of intimacy with a lover while pregnant. Cada epoca tiene su encanto -- Every epoch (or stage or season) has its enchantments (or charms.)
Cool. So you speak spanish well? I speak it fairly well; my father was born and raised in Mexico and I learned it before I learned english :-p.

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There's a line of pregnant porn out there somewhere -- for some people that's a thing.
Lol :-).

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Not a thing of mine, but I did enjoy being pregnant and that stage of life. There really is nothing new under the sun. People are people, and where there's people sooner or later there's sex and it's many expressions.
Yeah. I love the (potential) intimacy of sexual expression.
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