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  #11  
Old 07-14-2010, 12:16 AM
immaterial immaterial is offline
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Acknowledged, both the truth and wisdom of what you say, Ariakis. I tried to couch my own reservations in some disclaimers. Perhaps I didn't do that strongly enough. I seem to not be communicating very effectively today. Nap time!

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  #12  
Old 07-14-2010, 02:33 AM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Default Regarding DADT policies.

Hate to pick fly-shit out of the pepper jar,..BUT,....

If DADT policies are to be used. There has to be some give. People shouldnt be allowed to hide 100%.

What is so hard, about giving a simple 'yes' answer ? It does not need to be a big production, of meetings, and chatting.

This story, lets use it as a example. Say she had this opportunity :

Shiny New Girlfriend needs that reassurance that someone is not lying about their open relationship. She needs to check with the wife.

Male gives shiny, new girlfriend the phone number. Shiny, New GF (SNG) calls :


* Ring, Ring !*

Wife : ' Hello ? "

SNG : " Hello, I am just checking to make sure your husband and you are in a open relationship ? "

Wife : " Yes. "


** ...click. **

-------------------------


Why wouldn`t The wife/husband (at home) want to make sure, that people understand, that they are not being cheated on ? It`s a source of pride in a way, isn`t it ? Even if it isn`t, why not say that one word, as a way of protecting the 'community' from cheaters who like to pose as poly, or in a open relationship ?

If it was standard practice to do this one simple thing, imagine the peace of mind it would bring.

Even if you do not want to know what your partner is up to, odds are many SNG`s or SNB`s would not call. Just being handed the phone in a forthright way, would be enough for them.

The few that do call,.....are in need of a 1 word acknowledgement. That`s it. I do believe some people need to get their head out of the sand, and at least help their partner in this way. Anything to the contrary, is suspect .

I am sure this has been covered a 1000 times before,..but it seems to be said 1000 more times.


...End of chocolate-milkshake-induced rant
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  #13  
Old 07-14-2010, 03:50 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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ok I know I keep jumping into threads to discuss topics. But this one interests me because it caused a huge stir on another forum.

SJ - what about couples who decide at the beginning that a DADT is fine (man and women marry, man is bi-sexual for simple reference). Further to that, what if the male partner has an anonymous sex fetish (aka bathhouses)

Now, as you know, DADT is not even in my scope, so just throwing out curveballs. What if it is consensual? And further to that the partners that the male is hooking up with, doesn't mind.

This ends up being complete consensual DADT?
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  #14  
Old 07-14-2010, 04:06 AM
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yep,..that is my focus Ariakas. The consensual couples.

Those that wish to know absolutely NOTHING about the others sexual and relationship choices.

This is a bit of a stretch, but its all I have on my tired brain right now, try and follow me..... Remember before a lot of policies become popular, people hide, and ignore all kinds of important issues. Safer sex, is a example.

We have now accepted the fact, that while it might not be the sexiest thing to do, we all generally promote having a 'safe-sex' discussion before engaging in sex acts. it has become the norm.


So thats my rambling, milkshake-loving, thought process in the last post. Why not promote a simple, quick 'must do' amongst those who follow a DADT policy ?
This would be a 'safer relationship' type of policy.


*Makes slurpy noises at the bottom, and end, of her milkshake. Ah phooey, all gone*
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  #15  
Old 07-14-2010, 03:45 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Superjast View Post
yep,..that is my focus Ariakas. The consensual couples.

Those that wish to know absolutely NOTHING about the others sexual and relationship choices.

This is a bit of a stretch, but its all I have on my tired brain right now, try and follow me..... Remember before a lot of policies become popular, people hide, and ignore all kinds of important issues. Safer sex, is a example.

We have now accepted the fact, that while it might not be the sexiest thing to do, we all generally promote having a 'safe-sex' discussion before engaging in sex acts. it has become the norm.
I get your meaning. By doing it, doesn't make it right or stop it from working, but it would be better if it was out in the open. Is that following ok I don't disagree, but unfortunately, others with stronger opinions about it do.

Quote:
So thats my rambling, milkshake-loving, thought process in the last post. Why not promote a simple, quick 'must do' amongst those who follow a DADT policy ?
This would be a 'safer relationship' type of policy.
hmmmm milkshakes ...fair enough, I think that would work. Except for the anonymous sex feitishtas

Quote:
*Makes slurpy noises at the bottom, and end, of her milkshake. Ah phooey, all gone*
Well god I hope so, its been 10 hours
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  #16  
Old 07-15-2010, 05:25 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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I haven't read the entire thread, so sorry if this is misplaced, but apart from just checking with wifey that she knows you exist probably being a good idea... I don't see why you have to hang with her if all is well on your end. I don't think that you need to change that. Time does wonders for making things normal. I'm sure with time she will get used to it and so will you.

However, in that phone call it might be respectful to let her know that if she ever wants to meet or discuss anything, that you would be open to that. After all, if you care for him then you should be caring for her. A little reassurance could go a really long way.
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  #17  
Old 07-15-2010, 05:56 AM
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Ariakas : Good points made. While it`s a nice fantasy of mine, I am not in everyone`s shoes, and have no idea for the various reasons a DADT policy might be there.
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