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Old 07-09-2012, 01:58 AM
Poolman Poolman is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 1
Default She's Moving Too Fast

My wife and I decided to try polyamory about a year ago and feel our way forward gently. Originally she was reluctant, however, within the past six months my wife has raced ahead and has expressed her eagerness to pursue many relationships and explore for herself. She's frankly scaring me and I don't think that I can trust her to be honest with me as she is so eager to go ahead. *She's always been open with me but now she's secretive and demanding privacy on things we used to openly discuss. She's become very insensitive to my feelings.

Now I'm thinking of backing out of the whole thing but I'm afraid of the consequences. I've lost trust and I don't know what to do.

Take a Dip.
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Old 07-09-2012, 03:46 AM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,317

Hi and welcome...

How long have you been married?

What brought you to considering opening up you relationship?

What was the reasons for her reluctance ?
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Old 07-09-2012, 09:37 AM
sparklepop sparklepop is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 461

Hi Poolman,

Dingedhearts questions are really good ones.

Try not to panic.

Early poly is often fraught with mistakes and learning experiences. Often, people get carried away with NRE (New Relationship Energy) and can start acting like kids in sweet shops. However, it doesn't have to stay that way.

If it helps, I'm only 16 months into my poly relationship and the first 6 months in particular were quite messy. We both got carried away with the wrong people and acted almost like single people. It took a massive amount of communication and even now, we still make errors sometimes, but poly is something we genuinely love and appreciate.

I'd love it if you could tell us a bit more, some of the background, some of the issues in more detail.

me: open poly (31, female)

involved with:
GF: (41, female) my long-distance, long-term partner
Earth: (35, female) newly dating

Hubby: (38, male) GF's husband
Garcon: (28, male) GF's boyfriend/submissive

“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without." ~ Buddha
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Old 07-09-2012, 03:30 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,467

One of the most important methods or mantras to use when exploring poly is to go at the speed that everyone is comfortable.

This means regular discussions, and conscious decisions about how to proceed. It's sounding like you folks don't have that - you need to.

Have you worked out some boundaries, like about whether you get to meet each other's partners, etc?

What are the areas that she now wants privacy for? Is it about sexual details, or just about who she is dating?

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
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honesty, trust issues

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