Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21  
Old 06-30-2012, 07:51 PM
rekkerafthor rekkerafthor is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 7
Default

I have to say, I'm really pleased with all the responses I've seen here. I'm grateful for all the input. It's really helping me Sort things out in my head.

Sparklepop hit it right not the head. I just want to be respected by my wife's "others". I want them to acknowledge that I am there and to respect our relationship. Being married is a huge, important (the most important actually) part of my life. I've cut family out of my life for not respecting that. (that's a whole other thing that doesn't involve poly as much as an entire side of my family being racist pigs)

This guy has now recontacted her. I've expressed the fact that I have a base gut feeling about him that says this will be trouble, but because it is just gut instinct I have no tangible reason to say no. She explained to me that she would like to meet with him again, and explain how poly works for us.

So they are actually on that lunch date right now. While I am still not thrilled my wife is making an effort to get things with this guy to a point where I might be comfortable. We shall see where things lead. I'm a lot more comfortable having had time to bounce things around on here and try to sort things out in my head.
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 06-30-2012, 11:49 PM
Arrowbound's Avatar
Arrowbound Arrowbound is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Tri-State
Posts: 275
Default

It always helps to have outside perspective, positive and even negative too. I'm with you on the huge-and-important part too, as I've had to distance myself from most of my family as well because of my relationship. Generally I try to steer clear of people that would hamper it, and it'll be the same whenever I venture out. From what you've said, your wife is understanding enough to acknowledge your discomfort at the very least, which is good.
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 07-01-2012, 04:16 PM
sparklepop sparklepop is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 348
Default

Quote:
Sparklepop hit it right not the head. I just want to be respected by my wife's "others". I want them to acknowledge that I am there and to respect our relationship. Being married is a huge, important (the most important actually) part of my life. I've cut family out of my life for not respecting that. (that's a whole other thing that doesn't involve poly as much as an entire side of my family being racist pigs)
I'm really glad that you felt understood by my post and all of the other responses

I've definitely found that outside events (i.e. your family basically forcing you to cut them out) effect our expectations in our relationships. If you put a metaphorical $1,000 on the table, it feels nicer when your partner puts the same amount in - more money to spend; better holidays

Quote:
So they are actually on that lunch date right now. While I am still not thrilled my wife is making an effort to get things with this guy to a point where I might be comfortable. We shall see where things lead. I'm a lot more comfortable having had time to bounce things around on here and try to sort things out in my head.
That must be really tough for you. I have a stubborn streak and when I get 'that' feeling about someone... regardless of the reason... it's hard to let it go. Sometimes we just aren't going to love our partner's secondaries... but we can at least be civil and give them a second chance.

I hope that wherever things lead, they go really well and that you are both happy!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 08:39 PM.