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Old 07-06-2012, 07:12 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 1,444

Originally Posted by AnotherConfused View Post
When I read about people here being in a V or N or triad, does that mean that's who you're having sex with? When it comes to love I think I am in more of a starburst, with some strong rays coming off, and some faint rays, and everything in between, too many to really count.
I think it means there are people you consider to be in a relationship with one another. And as we see, the definition can differ. I don't think it's about sex though. Many people will say things like "I'm in a V, and I also have a friend with benefits" which would make it a Y or an N (depending if the person talking is a hinge or an arm) if it was about sex. Other times people talk about some partners who are part of the V, or N, or whatever, but that they don't have sex with. And finally some people are asexual and don't have sex with any of the people they have relationships with.

Some people might define it with sex, sure. Personally I define it with commitment. If there was just him, would I call this person my boyfriend, and invite them as my +1 for everyone to meet him? If so, he's part of the relationship network. If not, then he's a friends with benefit, or maybe a casual partner whose name I never bothered to learn. I lean heavily towards committed relationships so there isn't really a blurry line for me, but if I was also into casual sex, that is how I would differentiate.
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Old 07-06-2012, 07:55 PM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 931

Originally Posted by AnotherConfused View Post
I am most definitely in a relationship with C, and he considers himself in a relationship with me, even though we keep it discreet and even though he expects to end it when he finds a girlfriend he can have a more complete relationship with. (He and I don't have full-on sex, and I can't live or travel with him because I'm married and busy raising children.) We love each other a whole bunch, there is romance, there is sexual intimacy within the boundaries I negotiated with my husband, there is daily communication (typically at least a couple of emails a day), and we miss each other when we are apart. It's been going on over a year, and it doesn't feel shallow in any way. If I didn't have a husband we would surely let everyone know we were in love.
This is where I am with my BF. Except he's the one who's married.

I think he used the word relationship after I'd been out of town and his wife teased him mercilessly that we must be in a relationship because it was so obvious he was missing me the whole time I was gone.
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Old 07-06-2012, 09:22 PM
snowwhite snowwhite is offline
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Georgia
Posts: 14
Default hi

Your situation sounds kind of like what mine would be......if anyone would agree on anything lol. How did you come to the agreement of the physical relationships with your husband? Has it always been open? Did it take time? Why doesn't he want to get to know anyone you are involved in?

I'm sorry, this may seem intrusive, but I am confused and I feel stagnant because my hubby won't agree to anything but an emotional relationship with my friend and I. I wish there could be more. I have an understanding with my friend that our romantic interest will be over when he finds someone who can be with him full time because, I have children and a family to take care of too. I don't really want to though. I don't like hiding my feelings for someone. That just sucks.

My fantasy.....probably will never be a reality.....lol would be to have scheduled time to go out with my friend....which he allows some random hanging out given it isn't all the time, but I understand because I don't want to feel selfish leaving him with the kids all the time. I could agree to non penetrative sex. It would probably satisfy all desire that we have been experiencing for each other. Anyway, my fantasy......I would like him to be a close friend to the family and you know, come over for dinner and game nights and whatever.....My hubby knows him, we've all hung out before....but things have just gotten awkward since I came out with how I feel about 4 months ago. :/ He doesn't seem to want to have much to do with him, nor does my friend with him.....My friend said that it is just an uncomfortable situation that he is not ready to put himself in yet.....I can understand I suppose.

How do you feel about him not having any contact with your friends? Does it seem to bother him (your husband)? I'm confused as well, I just want to know how others deal with this stuff...I get depressed sometimes and feel like maybe I should be living by myself.
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