Identity Question

[Tonberry]

Despite the etymology, monogamy and polygamy are used to mean "partner" rather than "married partners" at the very least in the context of other species, and definitely quite often for humans (like saying you and your boyfriend are monogamous when neither of you is married). I'm not sure it has to always imply marriage, especially nowadays when marriage doesn't make a big difference a lot of the time.

[ksandra]

From reading different posts around this site and doing some other research it seems like everyone has varying degrees of and agreements relating to polyamory and how it is expressed.

I liked the statement about if someone is bisexual and in a monosexual relationship with one gender it doesn't mean their sexuality changes.

Much like the word "negro" is one of those words that elicits knee jerk reactions I think polygamy is too especially with what has come out in the media recently about underage brides and young men being run out of town. It just gives people a negative image and makes them less open to talking about it without bias. Or at least this has been my experience.

[WhatHappened]

I find this an interesting question. As I've read here over the last many weeks, I've thought back to times in my life when I've been 'in love' with two guys at once. When I was married, I had a long-term crush on someone, but I still loved my husband very much. But I never once considered that it's any sort of orientation. I've always assumed that given the right person/people coming along, anyone and everyone can fall in love with two (or more) people at once. I still tend to think that, but it would be interesting to take a huge poll of the general public and find out how many people have never felt that way about two people at once. Maybe I'm unusual and don't know it. But if polyamorous simply means one is capable of falling in love with more than one person at a time, I believe the human race is generally polyamorous.

That said, I still believe it's always a choice to act on feelings, and a choice to enter a polyamorous lifestyle. My BF (the poly of the pair of us) feels the same way.

[AutumnalTone]

Originally Posted by ksandra

So...can I still say I am polyamorous? Is there anyone who is living a monosexual life and identifies as polyamorous? What are peoples' thoughts about this?

If the folks with whom you're involved claim to be in romantic relationships with you and there happens to be more than one such person, yes, you are doing polyamory.

Even if that doesn't happen, you can identify as polyamorous within a negotiated monogamous relationship. I've been in mono relationships despite having always wanted multiple relationships.

[ksandra]

Originally Posted by AutumnalTone

Even if that doesn't happen, you can identify as polyamorous within a negotiated monogamous relationship. I've been in mono relationships despite having always wanted multiple relationships.

May I ask about the negotiated monogamous relationship part? Is there a way to negotiate a relationship so that a poly person can still feel they are living a poly lifestyle and the mono person can feel that they are living a mono lifestyle?

[GalaGirl]

Yes, you are a poly person with one lover. I mean, one can be mono with 0 partners! Your "poly ID" is in your wiring not your current loves...er... status number?

Awkward working, sorry.

But yah -- poly and closed with one lover at this time, here myself for this time of "parenting small kid and eldercaring old parents" -- I'm not adding more people to my plate now!

So at this time of YOUR life you are a poly person choosing this framework because this works for YOU guys. It's all good.

GG

[ksandra]

I've always thought the definition of polyamorous and monoamorous to be many loves and one loves. This might be stupid or obvious but could it be loves one or loves many instead then?
Again, feel free to tell me it's a stupid idea.

[GalaGirl]

polyamourous :

poly = many

amour = love affair

ous = possessing


Basically possessing the ABILITY to have many loves at once.

Just because you have that ability does not mean you are exercising it all the time.

You can be a polywired person who is totally single loving NOBODY and dating to try to find some!


monoamorous:

mono = one

amour - love affair

ous = possessing


Basically possessing the ABILITY to have ONE love at once.


Just because you have that ability does not mean you are exercising it all the time.

You can be a monowired person who is totally single loving NOBODY and dating to try to find one!


HTH!
GG

[Tonberry]

Originally Posted by ksandra

I've always thought the definition of polyamorous and monoamorous to be many loves and one loves. This might be stupid or obvious but could it be loves one or loves many instead then?
Again, feel free to tell me it's a stupid idea.

I'm not sure it needs to be reversed. When I read "many loves", I don't think of "love" as "oh, this has to be a person I'm currently dating". Love, to me, can mean the feeling. Plural because it's love for more than one person. That's how I've always interpreted it. "Many feelings of love".

[ksandra]

Originally Posted by Tonberry

I'm not sure it needs to be reversed. When I read "many loves", I don't think of "love" as "oh, this has to be a person I'm currently dating". Love, to me, can mean the feeling. Plural because it's love for more than one person. That's how I've always interpreted it. "Many feelings of love".

I like that one, thanks!