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  #11  
Old 05-16-2009, 05:08 AM
marianna marianna is offline
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yes exactly...down to 25 mph - i can blame his work - i don't want to be rational at the moment

i had a lousy day at work, i needed someone to tell me that i'm wonderful and loved - and i didn't get any of that - i get he's putting in like 13 hour days, i really do - and i don't want to seem clingy - but when i ask for time and i get a "maybe" (do to work)

it HURT me - it's hard enough to embarrass myself to ask, but i've learned to ask for what i mean - but He and GF1 went out tonight - apparently it was in the works, i knew about it too and had plannned to go if they did - but nothing at all was said to me -

and i'll see them bright and early tomorrow morning

i think it's time for GF1 and i to have a talk - at least about coordinating plans??? she may be assuming He's keeping me in the loop - and He's not.
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  #12  
Old 05-16-2009, 07:27 AM
Quath Quath is offline
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I think you should let them know that you did not feel supported as much as you would like. They can't change what happened, but they can try to be more aware of what you are going through.

I think talking to GF1 is a good idea. The more people talking, the better.

You can always come on to the forum for a good rant as well.
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  #13  
Old 05-16-2009, 08:02 PM
dVdT dVdT is offline
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Also, coming from someone who's lived like this too (and if I'm way off just tell me)- being an 's' in a D/s relationship does NOT mean that you, and what you need is not important. You are.
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  #14  
Old 05-16-2009, 09:38 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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I know I have said this so many times but I have a hard time knowing others are in distress or feeling alone. Even if your concerns have already been voiced and you think you are being too needy or whatever..communicate!!

These things can't stay quiet or they will eat away at the joy and connection you should feel. Polyamory is not about staying quiet and holding back.

I am in a different place in my own relationship with Redpepper and our "v" relationship. I have absolutely no time balance issues because our time was not meant to be balanced. Balancing, to me, indicates a limited amount of time. I feel no time limit in this relationship and therefore am quite happy to accept the time available we get without asking for more.

We all accept that this is a lifelong relationship and therefore we have endless tomorrows to fill. Her husband and me are good friends and care about each other’s needs more than our own I feel. This is an amazing aspect of our relationship that makes me very proud of what we are building.

Redpepper is sometimes frustrated in my not wanting to what I consider to be "encroaching" on the time for her "primary" relationship. As we are all becoming family she would like me to spend more time with them. I have to do what makes me feel comfortable even though I could spend all my time with her because I love her madly. Her frustration is quite cute actually

It's about respect and being a positive in their lives. Her and her husband hate when I call myself a secondary but that is how I like to be defined. It is them above all others.

I can't imagine feeling left out or ignored intimately. I do feel a certain isolation or "on the outside looking in" due to my different aproach to intimate relationships in poly group environments however.

I hope you talk and get back to the joy your relationship can give you.

Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 05-17-2009 at 01:53 PM.
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  #15  
Old 05-19-2009, 12:07 AM
marianna marianna is offline
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i don't understand - i start talking about plans that friends are talking about for the holiday - and i get

"well, WE are doing this..." and i wasn't part of the "we"
excluded once again - what the fuck? am i overreacting? i really was getting to wear i was willing to just take things one day at a time..and let them unfold

and now i feel slapped - rejected...unwanted
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  #16  
Old 05-19-2009, 12:24 AM
Mark1npt Mark1npt is offline
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wow.....I don't fully know the context of the "we"......if they consider you part of the "we", I would think they would want you along....if they are in some new place where they are in NRE and trying to figure out where "we" is, then they may need some space and some time to work thru that......which makes it tough on you since you have to find something to do while they're away or occupied......my wife has voiced that she feels left out and doesn't know what to do when my 2nd and I are alone for the night...she tries to keep herself busy with computer work, movies, etc.....it wouldn't necessarily be an issue if she and my 2nd were bisexual and made love together with me, but they are not, which means someone is always left out. my 2nd feels that way when my wife and I are together, too.....if it becomes evident with time that the "we" doesn't include "you", then obviously there is a problem in the relationship which is too bad. I hope it works out for you and your partners.
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  #17  
Old 05-19-2009, 12:53 AM
marianna marianna is offline
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quite honestly - i'm not sure either - i dont' know if it's GF1 and GF2 or just GF1 -
but it looks unlikely i'll have time with him this week like last -

and i'm really honest to god trying to understand...and believe him when he says he's not avoiding me - but fuck - it's like i don't even count....

my heart hurts -


i came to an understanding that i don't trust his feelings for me - i know it's about my own sense of trust - but now i just wonder - should i trust??
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  #18  
Old 05-19-2009, 12:57 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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I wish I could help with this. I hope you stop hurting as soon as possible.
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  #19  
Old 05-19-2009, 01:04 AM
Mark1npt Mark1npt is offline
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In these lifestyles we're in, don't we have to trust? I'm sorry you're hurting, I know my wife hurt also when I started our poly life......I so didn't want that to happen....but circumstances differ for us all......you have to trust your guy if he says he loves you and wants to be with you, but he may only be able to handle one of you at a time....rightnow that isn't you but next weekend it may be......I hope you find all the love, companionship and happiness you desire.....keep trying, it will come your way.
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  #20  
Old 05-19-2009, 01:51 AM
marianna marianna is offline
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yes - it's trust ...or not - no in between -
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