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Old 06-23-2012, 10:56 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,213

Wow -- I was just laying that out for YOU as thinking/talking idea points for DH. I didn't mean for you to answer!

This kinda blipped me though.

If I wanted him to end it he would. As would I. However we're aware such a request would Royally Suck, and are unwilling to make such a drastic one without due consideration and every effort to resolve issues.
What's that mean? Just between YOU AND DH? Or consideration of the secondaries WITH the secondaries in on the conversation? They aren't playthings. They are people. With feelings of their own. I hope that's just me blipping and not like you hadn't though that out -- life as a secondary. Has the OL secondary done her homework?

DH and I agreed in the beginning that we are responsible for our relationship only, so if we decide to go for it we will leave it to the metamours to handle their business themselves.
Oh? What if OL has agreements with HER lovers that they expect to meet YOU and DH? Are you going to honor that or blow them off because that's not your prob? You are only responsible to your rship only? Polymath don't quite work that way.

If OL has a lover, you and DH have BECOME the lover's business. You have become THEIR metamour and the meta's wife. They ARE trying to handle their business themselves. You are some of it now. So how you gonna play decent there? Given that thought?

Most of your stuff -- I could say how I'd feel and this or that but mainly it is for YOU to sort with DH.

I'd want to meet. Even if it never became anything else besides a date. Because that's what people do when the teen starts dating. They bring 'em to meet mom and dad before going to the movies.

It's not the same -- you are not DH's mommy. But it is possible to be caught up in crushy NRE to not see something off. And really with Skype and all? Give me a break. Just talk to me for once second so I can lay eyes on you somewhat before you go off on a date with my beloved.

Can't hack something simple like a Skype chat? A phone call? Coffee? Just because of whatevers? I would start wondering about intention and emotional maturity. I just don't NEED a drama queen entering my life and messing things up with my spouse or my kid or worse -- trying to lose DH the job or you guys the kid or going all stalkery weirdo.

I want a name and a face. Not that I think you are a murderer, but hey, man. If you ARE? I want to pick you from the line up and be able to jail you!

I am kidding. But I'm also not. YKWIM? Let's date and keep it on the level like grown ups, please.

As for knowing the metamours? That's sex hygiene. It just takes one stupidhead to cootify the chain if people aren't using best sex health practices and sex hygiene. When I sleep with you (IF it ever gets there) I sleep with your whole chain even if I use a condom. At some point? I wanna know how long that chain is. My sex health risks are mine, but just HOW much risk are we talkin' here? How long's your chain? That's a fair thing to ask. They could lie of course. But like meeting mom before the movie, it's another litmus for how on the level this person seems/is.

So for me, those things would matter to me.

But good for you and DH! Keep on talking! Very commendable you are keeping it real.



Last edited by GalaGirl; 06-23-2012 at 11:13 PM.
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Old 06-23-2012, 11:30 PM
Prudence Prudence is offline
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 17

Oh, no, don't get me wrong... We're amenable to whatever makes people comfortable, we're just not going to decide (for instance) if so-and-so is appropriately honoring their commitments. We just don't feel like it's our place to make that call for someone else - but we'd be happy to assist them with transparency activities, as requested. We will just let them request it.

And yes, if there is a problem we'd include the secondaries in attempts to correct it. DH and I struggled when OSO first appeared, he was kept abreast of relevant matters and together we eventually came to a resolution that works for us. OSO gets a bit of the short stick when it comes to prioritizing conflicting needs, but that's what I mean when I say we are clear with our limits.
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