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  #71  
Old 09-28-2010, 05:24 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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hmmm...I know I have answered this, and at some point this new opinions may change, but my current opinion is this...

I look at this question like "was it worth it to be straight"...

well..since I am not anything else, yes it has been worth it to be straight...and the same is true for poly.
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  #72  
Old 09-29-2010, 03:30 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Ari-this is true in terms of "I am therefore accepting that I am is all I could do".

But I meant it more in terms of has agreeing to LIVE A POLYAMOROUS LIFE been worth it.

I am polyamorous by nature-but trying to take THIS relationship to a polyamorous life has been a nightmare. I'm sure starting a relationship from a polyamorous stand would be easier and less traumatic than taking a "monogomous marriage" to the stage of a "cheating marriage" then to a "polyamorous family".

Does that make more sense?
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  #73  
Old 09-29-2010, 01:02 PM
Fayerweather Fayerweather is offline
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Totally worth it!

Before Polyamory, I was jealous, possessive and controlling. I felt that I had to cling to people in my life to keep from losing them. I was so affraid of loss that I often dated men who were damaged or weak or much less likely to leave me.

After Polyamory, I've learned to love not only my partners, but my friends and family without control. I let my partners live their lives in a way that gives them total freedom and they do the same for me. I've learned to trust the deep connections I make with others and that they can't be destroyed because the one I love loves someone else. I've learned that love isn't in a limited supply and that there is more than enough for all of us who seek it.

I now see jealousy as a red flag that indicates that there's something I need to take care of in myself and I've learned to stop projecting my fears or my needs onto others. I am now responsible for fulfilling my own needs. When I feel jealousy and anxiety, I learn. When I stumble and fall, I learn. When I feel joy and love, I learn.

So, how can I ever say that Polyamory isn't worth it? It has made me the person I am today and I love that person. Best wishes to all of you out there.
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  #74  
Old 09-29-2010, 02:09 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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If I go by the meaning LovingRadiance set forth, ....I`m not sure I`ll be able to answer that, until the last kid leaves the house, and sets off for their own course in the world. lol

If my children ever got chased by 'the villagers with all their pitchforks' due to my poly choices, I would most definetly say it wasn`t worth it.

Question is,..how much fear-mongering is that in reality ? I`m not so sure anymore, that it is as big a threat as I once believed it was.

So,...I guess I still can`t answer this question.
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  #75  
Old 09-29-2010, 03:46 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Does that make more sense?
YEs.

As a currently married man without kids, I can't say I have had any problems. Everyone close to me already knew I was open, poly is just an extension of that. It does take some explaining but I don't suffer from backlash.

Moving forward, here are my potential BIG bumps.

1 - having kids etc. I think I can understand potential backlash. That will be a tough balance to work with.

2 - Beyond that, the "living with" stage at this point is not on the books. So I can't think that far ahead and into fantasy.

3 - Coming out to family, well I did that with my cousin it went decently. Beyond my cousin I am really the blacksheep in my family. So I am only concerned with my mom. Who is the most accepting person on the planet. She would take this information and simply love whoever I love, as long as they make me happy.

So for me the answer is still the same, poly has been worth it. Ask me again in 5 years when Pengrah and I have a kid together

Ari
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  #76  
Old 09-29-2010, 10:09 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Superjast-
very sensible answer.
If that happened in our life-it would certainly change my answer as well.
Fortunately, since we're OUT to everyone, and that has not only not occurred, but in fact there's been little to no negative reaction at all;
I'm not overly concerned.
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  #77  
Old 09-29-2010, 10:10 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Ari-you always make me smile!

When you two have a kid I'll be much too busy congratulating you on your beautiful little one!

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  #78  
Old 09-29-2010, 10:17 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Superjast View Post
I
Question is,..how much fear-mongering is that in reality ? I`m not so sure anymore, that it is as big a threat as I once believed it was.

So,...I guess I still can`t answer this question.
I believe there is a lot of fear mongering. Its a power in the hiddeness of the act in some ways. Of course I don't live this by experience but most people I have told shrug it off and say big deal.

But I don't have the risk of kids, or family that matters. I feel for you in any future decision making sweety...<<hugs>>
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  #79  
Old 09-30-2010, 12:37 AM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Yes,..Fear mongering alone, can stop people.

When you have kids, many times you feel, that even a 0.5 % chance of being found out, is to high a stake.

For me, I love the community I live in. So many positives. It would be a tough call, to come out in such a conservative place. For now, the benefits of staying quiet, outweigh anything else.

Though I am starting to wonder about being more open around family and vanilla friends. It all ties into each other, so it can be hard to negotiate.

Time has a way of taking care of these things.

Sorry for going off topic LR.
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  #80  
Old 09-30-2010, 03:51 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I'm notorious for going off topic-please feel free to conversate.
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