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  #41  
Old 09-14-2010, 03:32 PM
PollyPocket PollyPocket is offline
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Originally Posted by WildCard View Post
But then things blew up and I almost lost them both. The girlfriend (who I just broke up with) started demanding more and more of my time, and seemed to care less about respecting my marriage and more about getting her own needs met.
I was talking about this very subject with a girlfriend (who knows) yesterday and we were talking about the 'woman' mind. She said that women just simply cannot help themselves....they want to believe in prince charming whisking them away, even though you tell them time and again, that it is not going to happen.

Think of all the countless affairs of the world, where the woman really believes that the man will leave his wife and kids for her....and some do, but some wallow in "nowhere land" for years.

Is day to day 'happiness' really that much more special than a future together? I am not sure....and I don't know what the 'other woman' is ever thinking. I think that they may be a bit broken themselves and willing to settle for second best, when many of them deserve better.

P2
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  #42  
Old 09-14-2010, 03:41 PM
PollyPocket PollyPocket is offline
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It's ok. One thing that I want to make abundantly clear. I do not believe that my experience with poly is definitive or indicative. If anything, I consider it illustrative of the potential pitfalls of self knowledge.
Love it! Self knowledge...sometimes KNOWING nothing is better! I mean really...how much effort does one have to put into something, before they pick up their marbles and go home??

I am not saying that it is TIME for me to do that yet, but I can see it on the horizon.

The books, the conversations, the therapists....seriously....wtf?? AND this is making me better how?
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  #43  
Old 09-14-2010, 04:19 PM
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With all due respect P2, that "woman brain" thing? Total generalization. I know many many women who would be insulted by being lumped in with all women on that one.
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  #44  
Old 09-14-2010, 04:34 PM
PollyPocket PollyPocket is offline
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With all due respect P2, that "woman brain" thing? Total generalization. I know many many women who would be insulted by being lumped in with all women on that one.
YES,you are right...that is a BROAD generalization. I apologize. Dog knows that I do NOT have a typical women's brain....um....er....most of the time!
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  #45  
Old 09-15-2010, 05:48 PM
DharmaBum23 DharmaBum23 is offline
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Dharma-

I don't have time to reply right at the moment.
But I wnated to quickly say-I really am enjoying talking with you!
I like your attitude and I like your sense of responsibility in conversation!


It's very nice to "meet" you!!!
TY. I wish I could say that it was All Her Fault. But I know it isn't all her fault or even most her fault. It is either nobody's fault or my fault and both of those end up in the same responsibility bin, that being my own. I hope at some point to be "uber" enough to be able to go out and start looking again. Maybe when I can bench press a Kia(I kid, I kid). I think that if I had someone that I could be intimate with that would help a lot.

And I wish my attitude was all that. I have to shoo the "Black Dog"(Winston Churchill's nickname for depression) away quite a bit recently and it is real hard not to get bitter some days.

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DharmaBum23, thanks for opening up. I read with much interest.
Thank you. I do my best with what I have.
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  #46  
Old 09-18-2010, 07:18 PM
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MindfulAgony MindfulAgony is offline
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I agree that it is a hard question to answer. So many things that have to be untangled that are not easy to disaggregate. I went through personal hell that led to self reflection and - eventually - self growth that got me to honestly look at a lot of things. Gave me the courage to recraft a life that largely ignored social convention - only part of which is about being Poly. The tumult in all of my life is both the cause and result of that honesty and growth.

For me, asking is it worth being poly is akin to asking is it worth knowing yourself? It is true that ignorance is bliss. But, I'd rather live life fully than be ignorant. Because I am much more closely in touch with who I am, what I need, and what I am feeling, I am both happier and more sad. However, I am more self-aware, fulfilled and purposeful (or "full of purpose").

Saddness is a 1000 times more tolerable in this state than it was without that self-understanding.
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Last edited by MindfulAgony; 09-18-2010 at 07:22 PM.
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  #47  
Old 09-20-2010, 03:40 AM
PollyPocket PollyPocket is offline
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Originally Posted by MindfulAgony View Post
It is true that ignorance is bliss. But, I'd rather live life fully than be ignorant. Because I am much more closely in touch with who I am, what I need, and what I am feeling, I am both happier and more sad. However, I am more self-aware, fulfilled and purposeful (or "full of purpose").

Saddness is a 1000 times more tolerable in this state than it was without that self-understanding.
It is so strange for me to have put myself in this situation....I mean, seriously, who in their right mind would do this??!

BUT, I have to agree, that the whole experience is where it is at...and if somehow, the experience opens me up to more confidence and self-actualization and understanding...then maybe, just maybe it will have been worth it.

The trouble is....how do we know until we are able to have such hindsight?

For now, I will try to invite the moments and be in the present and to NOT freak out if I don't know/understand what the hell is going on!!

P2
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  #48  
Old 09-21-2010, 03:39 AM
inlovewith2 inlovewith2 is offline
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Hopelessly adorable.

Most of our "hell's" had nothing to do with polyamory and everything to do with getting real with ourselves.

LR,

Isn't that just it? Polyamory is a ticket, really--to self-discovery, to learning about your partner, to so many things.

Honestly, prior to this past year, most people didn't believe how close and in love DW and I were. And yet, he reflected this weekend, we were on auto-pilot and this polyamory journey has put our relationship back as central where it belongs.

I'm so very happy for you all, LR!
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  #49  
Old 09-21-2010, 01:37 PM
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So far the journey has been worth it!

The last few months have been some yes & no but for the most part yes.

I'm missing the compersion factor though. Breathes doesn't currently have another & is unhappy about it (won't admit that it's bothering him but I can see it in his eyes & hear it in his laughter).
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  #50  
Old 09-21-2010, 09:24 PM
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I think how much it's worth it is due to how much one puts into it... I mean positive work... not work that is a detriment to others. Work that makes lives better and that is giving and accepting and nourishing. That means a lot of negotiating and being on top of emotions and what is going on for ourselves... but that is what makes it worth it. knowing how to do that.

If my poly relationships ended and I went back to monogamy, then what would be worth it is how much I have learned about myself, other humans and what capacity I am able to love. That is what makes it worth it. I would use what I know to better the world, be an activist in someway for change towards a healthier planet.. of course I can do that anyway.. so it's all good.
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