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Old 06-04-2010, 04:16 AM
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Default Finding partners harder for men...Why?

I've seen several times on here that it seems harder for Poly men to find partners as opposed to poly women. I'm wondering why that is?

I can hazard a guess and say more men are simply drawn to the sexual diversity aspect of polyamory. I could hazard another guess and say that men who are just lookng for the sexual connection are "less picky" because they see the relationship as being more casual and limited. Even my married "monogamous" friend seems to understand the benefits of getting to sleep with lots of women and can't understand why I don't LOL! (I thought the same thing until I became single and tried it. The grass is no greener on the other side after all for me...in fact it was brown LOL!)

I could continue to guess that more women are looking for some one who will commit to them in a traditional sense and therefore do not see a future in a man they have to share. Makes sense to me if they want to raise a family and have household stability. I can keep going and hazard a guess that women are more "picky" in general than the average guy searching for a partner that will include sexual involvement.

So, what do you think? Why the seeming disparity?
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Old 06-04-2010, 05:18 AM
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whoa...what i wrote for this thread, isn't what appeared. I think I fat-fingered a copy & paste function somewhere...X.X

Can't remember what i wrote, but I feel men in general have it harder finding partners than women. Who really knows, desires of variety, genetic disposition, social confines. I know most women think men are pursuing them at first contact...I've been told that even though I may approach a lady friendly with no threat, the very sight of me, the way I move and look, is associated with sexual intent. It's kinda lame...but it's been proven true :/

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Old 06-04-2010, 06:24 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rpcrazy View Post
i'm pretty sure there are a handful of things that makes people poly.
one of those things are your chemical disposition in regards to your sexual desires
the 2nd is an idea that you(and the people are you with) should able to have as many romantic relationships as time, and those relationships, allow.
Sorry my friend..I think you misread my post......take another look
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Old 06-04-2010, 08:35 AM
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One issue, I believe, is that lots of women out there have this fairy tale idea of relationships. Meet Prince Charming, get married, have 2.3 children, and live happily ever after. If Prince Charming is already married, that throws huge wrenches in the cogs.

Among men, there seems to be an attitude that getting married means getting trapped. So finding a woman who's already married is like a dream-come-true: No chance she'll try to tie you down. Hence, poly women have an easy time finding other partners.

Even though neither scenario is the way things actually work out, they're common enough expectations to make things difficult in the male poly lifestyle.

I realize I'm throwing out a whole whack of stereotypes, but I don't think they're so far off. I fully realize that plenty of women look for casual relationships with no intention of marrying, and lots of men are out there searching for the perfect woman to love forever and be the mother of their children. I just think the reverse is more common.
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Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 06-04-2010 at 08:40 AM.
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Old 06-04-2010, 01:11 PM
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I see a few possibilites.

#1: Married men going after women is "wrong". This is a societal norm since the "accepted" idea of this is cheating. Although there are some women who are willing to cheat or be the mistress, I don't think that number is very high. When a woman (most especially a mono one) sees a married man interested in her, chances are high that she assumes that he is only interested in the sex and the wife knows nothing.

#2: Agrees with SC about the married women attracting men who don't want or to be tied down (figuratively of course). I have received more messages on my dating profiles from men who only want FWB or NSA or who are in fact cheating on their wife.

Damn I hate Baby Brain! I had some other thoughts and they have evaporated into the humid air just like my energy has lately. Ah well, if I can remember the other thoughts, I'll post.
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Old 06-04-2010, 04:16 PM
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you sure are guessing a lot.

I am not sure, but see the same trend. As a poly/open guy who is social with a poly/open wife who isn't looking, the task is very daunting.

But I often wonder, how different is it than being single?...as a guy with lots of girlfriends <<cough...friends people>> if they decide to want to date, they have a date, period. No if's and's or butt's....

If I as a guy, decide I am available...well seriously thats not even a valid statement. As a single guy I am always looking for my next hookup, hoping it can evolve further (as much as I deny that to my friends)

Women have the power on this side of relationships. They decide who they like and make their decision. Where guys see availability and hope the girl chooses them. Obviously there are standards, flirting types, method etc...

A simple social experiment...send a girl and a guy into a bar...have them talk to 100 people each and flirt. Girl has a chance to hookup (keeping in mind that after the hookup you might actually get along and date) with 90 out of the 100, guy gets...what 10...maybe (I would make this lower but guess I am feeling generous)? What percentage turns into dating

I, for some reason, spend some time thinking about this. There is also the point of view that "well if each girl is hooking up some guy must be too, so its a 1 to 1 ratio"...thats true, but girls are pickier...guys are picky to a point.

Thats my take anyways.
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Old 06-04-2010, 07:22 PM
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WEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLl-
I don't have a clue.

What I do know is that I am a poly woman-and not only do I "Happen to be in love with two men", but I've always been poly-natured.

HOWEVER-I do know that one reason poly men have a hard time getting in a relationship with me is the same reason mono men have a hard time getting in a relationship with me.
I am disgusted by men whose focus is on "getting in a relationship" instead of "getting to know ME".

The focus is SO wrong. Damn near every poly man I've met IN PERSON has been so focused on the getting of A woman, that he wasn't focused on taking time to get to know any of the women who crossed his path. Just too much attention on the IDEA of having another woman and not enough attention on the REALITY of WHO THAT WOMAN IN FRONT OF YOU REALLY IS.
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Old 06-04-2010, 07:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
HOWEVER-I do know that one reason poly men have a hard time getting in a relationship with me is the same reason mono men have a hard time getting in a relationship with me.
I am disgusted by men whose focus is on "getting in a relationship" instead of "getting to know ME".

The focus is SO wrong. Damn near every poly man I've met IN PERSON has been so focused on the getting of A woman, that he wasn't focused on taking time to get to know any of the women who crossed his path. Just too much attention on the IDEA of having another woman and not enough attention on the REALITY of WHO THAT WOMAN IN FRONT OF YOU REALLY IS.
Is this a poly guy problem or a guy problem
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Old 06-04-2010, 07:34 PM
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I personally think it's a common guy problem. Which isn't to say it isn't a girl problem, but I haven't encountered it with girls (and yes I have dated women, I am bi).

I think maybe if more guys realized how very annoying this one thing is-they would refocus.
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Old 06-04-2010, 07:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
I personally think it's a common guy problem. Which isn't to say it isn't a girl problem, but I haven't encountered it with girls (and yes I have dated women, I am bi).

I think maybe if more guys realized how very annoying this one thing is-they would refocus.
ok but that begs the question then. How?...

Speaking in very general terms, girls use subtlety to flirt, some barely flirt. Guys need to be freaking magicians to read some of the more subtle flirts and generally have to be the aggressive. All that said, guys have to put themselves out there in an aggressive manner.

What does this do, obviously annoys some girls. But the problem is, it works. So there are a percentage that don't like it...there is also a percentage of women that are the aggressors. But how do we know if we don't try?...

Different strokes right, shy guys get girls so their pickup is different than someone aggressive

My most successful friend on the dating scene (not just sex) was the most aggressive person when it came to women. He was the type that would walk up to every girl in a bar until he found someone interested. So that type does work. He also tended to never have girl "friends"...

BTW, I am playing devils advocate. There is a reason most of my friends are girls, I don't perv everyone I come in contact with.

And Yes everone, I know I am generalizing a craptastic amount...don't hold it against me
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