How do poly/monos handle holidays

[msue]

My hubby is poly, me and his partner are monos (at least for now)...her and I get along fairly well all the while trying to figure this thing out. We both love him very very much, and I genuinely like her as a friend...however...we both know that holidays will be confusing. I enjoy having our entire family over for Thanksgiving for instance...my hubby & I have not "come out" to our family about this situation. I want to invite her over for our family functions so she does not feel slighted or jipped in any way shape or form...

So how do Holidays work in this type of relationship? I am asking for advice because I am not sure how to handle this situation and she equally said she would feel odd.

[lovefromgirl]

Since my metamour is both monogamous and not comfortable with my partner outing himself to her family, and my family's perfectly fine with polyamory, I came into this understanding that she needed a certain amount of preservation of status quo. We also don't care as much about the same holidays. I just don't do Thanksgiving, either American or Canadian; they have their pick of either. New Year's has come to mean more to the three of us, and I like to have my partner for Halloween and Beltane if I can. It means something that he's there for the thinning of the veils.

I should mention that I'm not sure it's a matter of poly vs. mono when it comes to a third partner/secondary/whichever wanting to be part of holidays. If it were feasible, I'd love to be part of their family celebrations, but it's not and I respect why. So I can't be part of holidays? It's really more important to me that when I have a need, we can meet it. Last year, for instance: my uncle died and I couldn't travel to the funeral or be alone in the house for any length of time. He came to look after me. He was there with me in my grief and illness. A thousand Christmases couldn't mean anything more than that.

[Pretzels]

We celebrated holidays with each others' families before we became romantically involved and we still do. We're not out or overtly lovey-dovey, period, so to inject that into one of those events would fell weird.

If your families haven't met the other partner and that partner doesn't have plans elsewhere, is there any harm in just saying that person is a friend who can't get home for the holidays? It's not inclusion in the most honest sense of the word, but it's better than nothing, no?

[NovemberRain]

I just started in my vee last December, so I'm not certain either. And by started, I mean we were considering it, so I'm not counting that one (holiday). They've both had their birthdays this year, but mine hasn't happened yet. I just don't know. The three of us have been friends for 8 years, and have shared with our families (well, mine and the other one who has family on this continent). I just don't know. Looking forward to great ideas here.

We did have Thanksgiving here a few years ago, and it was before our vee, but both of them were here and I don't think it would be the slightest bit unusual to continue that way.

One of them is a massive introvert, and doesn't usually like the family gathering thing ~ but in the past, we spent some lovely intimate christmases together.

I'm not eagerly looking forward to hashing this out. Might be lovely though.