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Old 06-10-2012, 09:09 PM
norcott466 norcott466 is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 2
Unhappy new

girlfriend after ten years say she met a guy that wants to have a non exclusive relationship and she is tempted and has had sex with him soon after meeting him I think that he is deceiving her in fact she told me "want to see other people" after they had sex that was a kick in the balls please any comments
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Old 06-10-2012, 09:20 PM
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hyperskeptic hyperskeptic is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 425

First, welcome to the forum! If you are sincere in looking for perspective and advice, you'll very likely find it here.

Second, and not to set the wrong tone, but could you edit your post to include some punctuation? That would make it easier to read and understand, and it would also give more of impression that you are serious in asking for help.

Third, could you provide some more background, a few details on how all this unfolded, what was actually said, when and to whom?

At first flush, I'd say the order of things matters a lot: asking for an open relationship after cheating is certainly a problem!

True poly relationships - and you can find out a lot on this site about what makes a poly relationship different from an open relationship - are based on trust, honesty, and consent.

If your girlfriend is really serious about an open relationship, and if she really has already cheated with this other guy, she needs to know she has a lot of work to do to restore trust.

Also, if she's serious about wanting an open relationship, maybe you could encourage her to check out this forum, maybe even sign up and offer her own account of things.

"Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge" - Charles Darwin

"Mystical explanations are considered deep. The truth is that they are not even superficial." - Friedrich Nietzsche
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Old 06-10-2012, 10:37 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 9,420

Hello norcott,
Welcome to our forum.

Sorry you have gotten such a bumpy introduction to polyamory. Your girlfriend isn't going about it in the way that she should unless she has the knowledge and consent of all concerned. Obviously, you have knowledge about what's going on, but do you consent to it?

You should do a lot of communicating with her, to find out what's going on with her. Is she planning on staying with you? If so, is she willing to do extra to nurture/take care of her relationship with you? Hopefully she's not so "into this poly thing" that you've become a forgotten afterthought.

Can you tell us some more about the situation?

With sympathy,
Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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Old 06-11-2012, 12:39 PM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 713

If she had sex with him without telling you, that's cheating, not polyamory. Is she saying that the sex she already had without your knowledge is polyamory, or is she saying she now wants to move forward with honesty and become polyamorous?
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