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Old 06-08-2012, 10:34 PM
sweetcrusader sweetcrusader is offline
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Default Sweet Crusader Introduction

HI,

My boyfriend and I have what we have defined as an open relationship rather than poly. To us that means we don't have other loves but we have FWB / Play partners - We are into BDSM which is how we first met.

We've been together for 2 years and about 6 months ago he moved because of work / economy to another state. We continue our long distance (about 600 miles) relationship by seeing each other at least once a month - Almost every other or 3rd week lately (YAY!).

I am late 40's, he is mid 50's and our plan is for me to eventually move to him. We are putting that off until my daughter graduates from high school and that his business is successful. so, we do see an end in sight and at this time my work allows me to work remotely so I have been able to stay there for a week at a time and we are looking at other alternatives that are pallatable both for my job but more importantly my family. He comes here and has been able to schedule work around his visits with him doing things while he is here. That may change as his world gets more busy.

I'm here mostly for support and as our relationship is newly open - share my frustration in finding a partner or partners here that fulfill my needs while I fulfill theirs. He seems to have found one partner that is good with that and a second that I have some reservations about that we are going to discuss more when we are together next.

If anyone has any suggestions or helpful hints on Long Distance and just getting started please share them. I may share more of our history as discussions move along.

Thank you.
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  #2  
Old 06-09-2012, 02:54 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Hi and welcome,

Several people here enjoy successful LDR's. Do a. Tag search on LDR .

Time and connection are critical factors .....scheduling would seem a big factor.

Read up and good luck
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Old 06-09-2012, 09:44 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Hi Sweet Crusader,

My LDR experience is limited although I did get through one that lasted several months. Communication is a must. Try to keep in touch with your boyfriend as much as reasonably possible.

It's good that you have plans to move to where he is, that means this is just a temporary thing. Use the time as much as you can to read up about open relationships, and engage in discussions with people here on Polyamory.com.

Glad I could meet you here.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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Old 06-10-2012, 05:42 AM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetcrusader View Post
My boyfriend and I have what we have defined as an open relationship rather than poly. To us that means we don't have other loves but we have FWB / Play partners
Welcome to the forum. I think that your definition will resonate with many others here.

I guess I'm curious about the no love thing. Is the not having other loves, a restriction that you have put in place to protect your "main" relationship?
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Old 06-10-2012, 11:34 AM
sweetcrusader sweetcrusader is offline
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Hi,

While I wouldn't call it a "restriction" or even protection as much as what we've learned by trying various type of open / poly in our past - it is what works for us.

Having written that and also read another thread this morning - I'm wondering if my type of discussion and concerns will be welcome here. It appears that only polyamerous (multi-love) relationships rather than sexually open/ BDSM play relationships are welcome discussion here. Can someone comment on that for me please?

Thanks
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  #6  
Old 06-10-2012, 12:22 PM
polyq4 polyq4 is offline
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Although this board is meant for poly discussions, one of the things i have both learned from being there and seeing is that quite often play friend turn into more. What started as play friends for us has evolved into (so far) a 4 year plus journey into a fourple that is very much in love. It has made us so much better as people.
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Old 06-10-2012, 12:30 PM
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hyperskeptic hyperskeptic is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetcrusader View Post
Having written that and also read another thread this morning - I'm wondering if my type of discussion and concerns will be welcome here. It appears that only polyamerous (multi-love) relationships rather than sexually open/ BDSM play relationships are welcome discussion here. Can someone comment on that for me please?
Well, I don't know about "welcome", but this site is called "polyamory.com". Much of the focus is bound to be on multiple loving relationships rather than multiple sexual relationships.

Some on the site might be baffled by the idea of sexual relationships without love - I am, for one - but I hope no one here is openly hostile to those who choose, for whatever reason, to go that way.

But, then, in my limited experience with these online forums, there seems to be a significant overlap between poly and BDSM/play. It may be that the definition of "polyamory" is a little bit squishy . . . which could be an opening here for your concerns.

Anyway, I'd hope that as a person you'd be welcome to read, to write, to ask questions on the forum. There may much you could learn here, especially about LDRs. You'd have to tell us what kind of response you get from people, though.

I don't have experience with LDRs, myself, but my wife is in the midst of one.

kdt26417 touches on two good points:

Quote:
Communication is a must. Try to keep in touch with your boyfriend as much as reasonably possible.
My wife is in daily communication with her long-distance boyfriend. They first met face-to-face when he was in the States, and they've spent a couple of weekends together - one here, one over there - but their relationship developed in part through long, thoughtful emails and occasional chats.

Quote:
It's good that you have plans to move to where he is, that means this is just a temporary thing.
I think this is also a key. Though it will still be an LDR, my wife's new bf is planning to move back to the States within the next two years. At least she won't have to fly to Europe to see him any more after that!
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