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Old 06-08-2012, 03:57 PM
jimmynsam jimmynsam is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: leeds, west yorkshire
Posts: 1
Default Introducing Us

Hi all,

Where to start.....

we are a couple in our early 30s who have been in an ON/OFF relationship for the past 3 years. After our latest OFF period we ended up having a rather open and frank discussion about relationships.

This was sparked by me reading an article about a the poly lifestyle.

We decided that we suffer from the age old prob of cant live with you, cant live without you syndrome.

I feel trapped when it comes to the serious side of the relationship, but he is my best friend and i love the intimate side of us on the rare occasion it happens lol

How we ended up here....
For him, i can be a little too much to handle lol, im a very strong person, like my own way and can be very controlin, at times this made him feel like he wasnt an equal, our sex life dropped off and he ended up seeking what i wasnt giving elsewhere.....in short he cheated.

At first this bothered me, i was like most...how could you, your supposed to love me etc etc, but the more we talked the more i understood his reasons and the more i found it acceptable so to speak.

after a long night of talking and a few drinks we inevitably ended up in bed....it was after this a sort of light bulb moment occurred

Could we live without each other?

In short No, and neither of us wanted to....we just didnt want the stress and strain of a serious relationship.

So we went through all the scenarios - are we FBs, are we just sexual partners, are we BF/GF, are we in an Open Relationship etc etc

None of the above,

We refer to each other as 'Life Partners' -as in we live together, have children (from previous relationships), we enjoy our time together, but also apart.

We sat and talked about the possibility of him having another sexual partner, that then moved on to him having someone he can go out and enjoy not only a sexual relationship, but a mental one too.

Which in short is how we ended up here.

We would love to find him another lady to share time with, but find that when we discuss with others its a life choice that is frowned upon, many see it a cheating.

I dont, as he has my full permission.

I hope ive explained our situation,and more importantly hope ive found the right place to find answers, info, or just speak my mind.
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Old 06-08-2012, 08:53 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 13,507

Hi jimmynsam,
Welcome to our forum.

I agree with you: What sets polyamory apart from "cheating" is the fact that all involved parties know what's going on and are okay with it. But, I know a popular position is that if it's not monogamous, it's automatically cheating. So, you've got that to contend with, sad to say.

It will take some time and patience to find the ideal situation you're looking for. In the meantime, it's great that you're on Polyamory.com; we can answer many questions/concerns for you, and offer support for your thoughts/experiences.

Just take it slow, and things will work out little by little.

Glad to have you here,
Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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