Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old 06-08-2012, 12:12 PM
CielDuMatin's Avatar
CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,456
Default

So since I think everyone that has posted here has said that they wouldn't do it, why do you think that it is such a common part of these conferences? How is this connected to polyamory?
__________________
Please check out The Birdcage - an open, friendly Polyamory forum for all parts of New York State
http://www.thebirdcage.org/

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 06-08-2012, 03:33 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,373
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by CielDuMatin View Post
So since I think everyone that has posted here has said that they wouldn't do it, why do you think that it is such a common part of these conferences? How is this connected to polyamory?
Simple. Because Reid Mihalko, the founder of the organized Cuddle Party biz, is poly and shows up at these conventions to give lectures or whatever. I'm sure if he lets them include a Cuddle Party for no extra fee at the poly cons, it will bring him more attention and potential customers. He also touts himself as a sex educator/expert, even though his degree is in art, and sells DVDs about how to have poly relationships and holds retreats and seminars on relationships (see: http://reidaboutsex.com/sexual-self-...ice/polyamory/). So, he closely aligns himself with the organizers of poly conferences, and especially the sex-positive activist types... so - Voila! Cuddle Parties at every big poly event! Ugh. But I do believe many poly peeps are really into what he offers. It's like he's the poly/cuddle version of Tony Robbins. Both guys came out of Landmark (same thing as the Forum and EST).
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

Last edited by nycindie; 06-08-2012 at 03:35 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 06-08-2012, 03:42 PM
hyperskeptic's Avatar
hyperskeptic hyperskeptic is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Georgia
Posts: 401
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Simple. Because Reid Mihalko, the founder of the organized Cuddle Party biz, is poly and shows up at these conventions to give lectures or whatever. I'm sure if he lets them include a Cuddle Party for no extra fee at the poly cons, it will bring him more attention and potential customers. He also touts himself as a sex educator/expert, even though his degree is in art, and sells DVDs about how to have poly relationships and holds retreats and seminars on relationships (see: http://reidaboutsex.com/sexual-self-...ice/polyamory/). So, he closely aligns himself with the organizers of poly conferences, and especially the sex-positive activist types... so - Voila! Cuddle Parties at every big poly event! Ugh.
My, what a . . . um . . . cozy relationship!

Quote:
But I do believe many poly peeps are really into what he offers.
.

Hm. I wonder, then, why so many on this forum were so quick to express such a strong distaste for such parties?

Some sort of self-selection is going on here, I guess.

Still, I'm with you on this: Ugh.

Too bad it gives cuddling in general a bad name!
__________________

"Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge" - Charles Darwin

"Mystical explanations are considered deep. The truth is that they are not even superficial." - Friedrich Nietzsche
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 06-08-2012, 08:07 PM
Kommander's Avatar
Kommander Kommander is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Detroit
Posts: 99
Default

I'm not opposed to the idea in general, and I'm not opposed to being physically close to people I just met. However, my interest would largely depend on the atmosphere and the rules.

For-profit commercial things at a convention I probably wouldn't be into. If there was a small cover charge to offset the cost of renting space or providing refreshments or something that would be fine, but setting up a cuddle orgy to make money seems somewhat creepy to me.

As for atmosphere, I would not be into it if it was a "by taking part you are consenting to cuddle with everyone here" kind of thing. I need to be asked first, and be free to decline, or to say "let's talk a bit first," and I wouldn't be comfortable unless others are free to do the same.

If these conditions are met it would probably be something I'd be into. If I ever chose to go to one, I'll have to do some research into the particular event before deciding to attend.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 06-09-2012, 05:28 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,186
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by CielDuMatin View Post
So since I think everyone that has posted here has said that they wouldn't do it, why do you think that it is such a common part of these conferences? How is this connected to polyamory?
I imagine they're common at conferences because there are folks who attend the conferences who enjoy them. Not everything at any conference is going to appeal to everybody, and cuddle parties are no different.

As for the folks posting here, those most likely to respond are those who have a strong negative reaction. Most folks likely won't care strong enough either way to respond.

I don't attend poly conventions, so I don't really care. On the larger topic of cuddle parties, I enjoy them--with or without strangers. I don't expect I'll ever pay to attend one, unless it's a couple of bucks to help cover space rent at a social gathering; paying for facilitators and such doesn't interest me.
__________________
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 06-09-2012, 06:31 PM
LotusesandRoses's Avatar
LotusesandRoses LotusesandRoses is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 110
Default

I'm a touchy feely person, but to me, there's something barbaric about going into a room full of people with the intention of snuggling with them. It's like showing up to a lobster restaurant already wearing a bib.
__________________
“Edit yourself, bitch. Edit yourself.” – Chad Michaels
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 06-09-2012, 07:09 PM
drtalon's Avatar
drtalon drtalon is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Raleigh, NC
Posts: 112
Default

The pajamas thing is weird and unnecessary, but cuddle parties seem fine to me otherwise.

I attended Reid's session at Loving More 2011 in Phila, and thought it was very good. That didn't include anything cuddle-related, but did include parts about consent and overcoming our own fears and shame about what we might want. I can see how some aspects of the cuddle-party concept are extensions of that.

It's possible I'm a bit of a Reid fanboy, and therefore, I don't see the uber-creepiness inherent in the system.

But, if there is something that you find creepy about the cuddle-party, why not suggest a way for it to be less creepy? What could be improved about them?
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 06-09-2012, 07:15 PM
hyperskeptic's Avatar
hyperskeptic hyperskeptic is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Georgia
Posts: 401
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by drtalon View Post
But, if there is something that you find creepy about the cuddle-party, why not suggest a way for it to be less creepy? What could be improved about them?
The whole idea of cuddle parties with strangers has so little appeal for me and, in its commercial versions, strikes me as so creepy and wrong-headed that there is no way to improve them, other than not having them.

But it's really not for me to tell people not to have them, or to tell organizers of poly conferences not to include them on the program.

So, I'll just not go.

(But then - and please don't hurt me for saying this! - I find the idea of a poly conference itself a little odd . . . but that would be another thread!)
__________________

"Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge" - Charles Darwin

"Mystical explanations are considered deep. The truth is that they are not even superficial." - Friedrich Nietzsche
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 06-09-2012, 07:25 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,383
Default

I don't really thing it's creepy, just not for me.
The way to improve it for me (the way to make it so I'd be interested) was if it was only between people who are already close. But then why would you pay instead of just gathering together and hugging, since you're friends already? You don't need someone to do that for you.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 06-09-2012, 09:33 PM
NovemberRain's Avatar
NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 696
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
It's like he's the poly/cuddle version of Tony Robbins. Both guys came out of Landmark (same thing as the Forum and EST).
I'm pretty certain that Landmark is not what produced the force that is Tony Robbins. Jim Rohn was his first inspiration, and most of his shtick is straight from NLP.

BTW, I think professional cuddle parties are major ick. I've never been confronted with one; but grateful to read about it, so I know what to avoid. Spontaneous, or workshop cuddles, with people I know might be fine.

I agree with hyperskeptic, no way to improve that ick factor except to not do it.
__________________
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who lives in the apartment building next door)
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
conferences, cuddle parties

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 02:59 PM.