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  #51  
Old 04-09-2010, 09:43 PM
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SimpleSimian SimpleSimian is offline
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By the way, she decided she would not be okay staying there without me, and decided not to do it. Though she said she might do it next week. Uncertain, is the future.
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  #52  
Old 04-09-2010, 10:06 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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By the way, she decided she would not be okay staying there without me, and decided not to do it. Though she said she might do it next week. Uncertain, is the future.
As it always is, as it always should be...
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  #53  
Old 04-10-2010, 06:35 AM
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Next week would be preferable anyway, because I won't have far to go to be home (moving on Thursday). That, and I'll be near things to do without having to worry about finding a way to get home if I'm too tired or drunk. :P Thank the gods for the El.
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  #54  
Old 04-10-2010, 02:37 PM
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My wife and I don't want this situation with B and C to bring about the end of what could have been an amazing family. Is there some way to use "I" language effectively to defend against somebody whose response to being upset is "I can't control your feelings, only you can do that?" Because, seriously, that's manipulative, projecting, unkind, irresponsible bullshit. Basically, she's all like "well you don't like it, tough, live with it. I get to manipulate you all I want, and you can't feel bad about it."

How do we deal with that?

The woman seems completely unwilling to take responsibility for her actions, her words, or her emotions, and instead painted us into such a crystal clear representation of "the bad guys" that she truly believes it, and she can convince her boyfriend of it, too.

Ugh.
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  #55  
Old 04-10-2010, 03:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SimpleSimian View Post
Is there some way to use "I" language effectively to defend against somebody whose response to being upset is "I can't control your feelings, only you can do that?" Basically, she's all like "well you don't like it, tough, live with it. I get to manipulate you all I want, and you can't feel bad about it."
Ugh.
Why bother? I wouldn't waste my time or energy with someone that closed off from their emotions that they would even that let crap fall out of their mouth.

The self protective measure of "your emotions are your emotions" is one of the least compassionate and loving attitudes I have seen personally. What a shitty world this would be if everyone thought this way. If her boyfriend is so soft brained to buy into her crap, perhaps your wife could do better to find a more compatible and secure partner?

The core thing is, not only will your wife's partners affect you (already proven)...but her partners partners will also affect you indirectly or directly.

Sorry to sound so blunt and harsh but this shit makes my blood boil sometimes. Think I'll put this energy into polishing my bike LOL!

Take care my friend. Go out and find a girlfriend or something
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  #56  
Old 04-13-2010, 01:15 AM
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I'm so excited. It's weird how I turned around in such a short time, but I'm so excited. She's got a date with her new friend set for Wednesday this week! She'll be hanging out with him late (most likely crashing at his place, knowing her) and I'll pick her up Thursday morning (move-in day) before or after I drop off the first load of stuff to be moved. Awesome.

I'm actually really excited for her, and I look forward to hearing how it went.

It feels pretty good, this feeling. It's like the tight tingly feeling I'd get in my chest when I worried about things and when I was jealous, but it's not painful. It's like a whole bunch of adrenaline backed up trying to burst out. I can't wait. I get to spend the night alone, but I'll figure something out. Maybe I'll just go to bed early so Thursday comes that much sooner.

We'll see.

Did I mention I'm excited?
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  #57  
Old 04-13-2010, 11:39 AM
EugenePoet EugenePoet is offline
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Maybe anticipating her coming home happy and excited and wanting to share it all with you?
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  #58  
Old 04-13-2010, 01:06 PM
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Maybe anticipating her coming home happy and excited and wanting to share it all with you?
Yeah, that's it. She and I talked about it while she was setting the date (I even did some of the texting for her, transcribing her speech to text because she was driving for part of it -- I also gave her a few clever quips and hooks to use in her conversation with him ) and I made sure to impart to her how excited I was and how she should tell me as much as she's comfortable telling me when I pick her up. I really hope this turns out awesome. She really needs it. She's at a point where there's nothing I can do to recharge her, she needs a new, outside influence. A new friend. A new lover.

And I can only hope that she turns some of that energy around and puts it back into our relationship, because there are many issues sitting on ice that need to be addressed (though most of the big ones are out of the way, I have a few details I want to wrap up so I can make our relationship tight again).

I wish today was tomorrow. The waiting is killing me.

They'll be going to the park with a blanket to make out and, "you know, whatever." I think we all know what *he* has in mind. My wife and I certainly do.
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  #59  
Old 04-14-2010, 01:37 AM
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I'm glad you are feeling better about this. It is amazing how sometimes feelings or reaction change like a coin being flipped. All chaos and then plop, there you go.

Hopefully she will get her batteries charging again and be able to "plug back into"" your relationship. That is what happened with Cajun and I when I first started exploring poly. The more love there is around the more love there is to share.

And we are here in case those boogey thoughts starts coming back tomorrow while she's out. <hugs>
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  #60  
Old 04-14-2010, 01:43 PM
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Thank you. Even though I said I'd be staying away for a while, I'll probably hop on here and talk about how I'm feeling tonight. And also on Thursday, to see how I feel the morning after (I really think this will be the most awkward part), and again to see how I feel after I talk to my wife when I pick her up.
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