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  #21  
Old 04-06-2010, 05:35 PM
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SimpleSimian SimpleSimian is offline
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I. Hate. This.

This is worse than high school ever was.

I just got a call from my wife while she was in-between classes, talking about her interactions with the original guy who hurt her. They're sort of starting to patch things up. They apologised to each other, and now there's an even bigger clusterfuck for me to deal with. I think I serisouly need to get out while I can. I can't survive through high school a second time, especially since my high school was much more tame, in comparison, when it came to the social clusterfucks.

I feel like the walls are closing in, and it's only a matter of time before the garbage compactor has mashed me into a cube of space trash to be ejected from the Death Star's...garbage eject ports.

Seriously, there is way too much going on, and I'm really tired of my wife running around throwing her interest, love, and sex at every guy she meets lately. I really feel like a dick for this, but the way things are changing back and forth so wildly, I can't cope.

Maybe I need to take a break. She can go live in the new apartment for a month, while I stay in the old one. I need her to figure her shit out, because it's seriously distracting from the two of us figuring our shit out.

Fuck. Me. I can't take this anymore. What the hell. It seriously needs to stop, and since I'm technically the one who started it, I'll be treated like I'm the world's biggest asshole if I try and stop it. Cuz I was kind of treated like that when I started this whole thing.

She has a huge fight with him, she says she's done with him, then the very next day she lets him back in. And again, she does exactly the same thing. Twice, now, he has hurt her deeply and immeasurably, and still she marches onward, letting it continue. She probably doesn't even know the extent to which this shit is completely driving me fucking crazy.

I can't think about anything else at all ever, because now the only thing ever going on up in my head is her fucking drama.

Fuck her drama. Mine's legitimate. Hers is manufactured. She doesn't need to be involved in all this shit, she could have avoided it. I, however, have to sit and be quiet and watch it happen, and if I say anything about it or try to focus on our relationship, instead of her social shit, I'm the bad guy, I have all the problems, and it's my fault I can't cope.

I want to warn her where this is all leading and make her stop for a while and just focus on us, but my voice is so tiny now. I'm lost in the crowd, and I'm no longer the primary interest, and I can't bail on the relationship, because I'll be an asshole if I do. I bring in the vast majority of the income. She can't even afford the rent at our current place on her own, much less our new place. So if I leave, I'm basically screwing her out of a life and lots of hard work. If I don't leave, I'm stuck in the middle of this fucked up shit that I never asked to be a part of and don't want to be a part of.

I am powerless, and in a lose-lose situation. This is bullshit.

I give up.

...and thank you, Ariakas, or your input and the links. I'll do some more reading. I guess one can never do enough learning, I need to keep remembering that.

Last edited by SimpleSimian; 04-06-2010 at 05:39 PM.
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  #22  
Old 04-06-2010, 05:41 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SimpleSimian View Post
She has a huge fight with him, she says she's done with him, then the very next day she lets him back in. And again, she does exactly the same thing. Twice, now, he has hurt her deeply and immeasurably, and still she marches onward, letting it continue. She probably doesn't even know the extent to which this shit is completely driving me fucking crazy.
Its your job to tell her. Never assume she knows anything you haven't explicitly said or written her.
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  #23  
Old 04-06-2010, 05:49 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Not your fault

Not her fault

You have tonnes of power

There is always hope

Her life is not your responsibility

No one can blame either of you

You are young

You don't sound healthy

Get the pain over with now as opposed to dragging it out. That is a shitty rollercoaster ride you are on.

High school did suck...and yes, this sounds like high school stuff.

This is a learning situation, not a lose lose one. Learn from this experience and find what you truly need to be happy. Maybe it's her, maybe not. From my perspective it's not her.

Sorry, my friend
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  #24  
Old 04-06-2010, 05:55 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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^ short, succinct and the truth
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  #25  
Old 04-06-2010, 06:52 PM
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I need to stop using this forum as a place to dump my freakout moments. God, I'm sorry for being such a dick.

I'll make it up by offering support in the future.

I just need to chill the fuck out and be calm and reasonable.

...

So I wrote a long post and my browser crashed and it got deleted.

Basically, I texted my wife, telling her I was completely lost and needed help. She called me immediately. I explained the situation to her, and she listened, she helped me calm down, and she agreed to put things on hold and have us all just hang out and be friends for a while first, while she and I work out our issues.

Also, the thing with her fucking the new guy was actually a poorly-timed joke. I do that to her all the time in an effort to soften the blow when I tell her things, and it always makes it worse, and apparently she thinks it isn't the same way the other way round. Basically, she promised me she wouldn't fuck on the first date as a joke to soften the blow of telling me that this guy was really interested in her.

She's going to continue to develop that friendship as a friendship.

As for the older situation, we're all going to hang out on Wednesday and play games and just be together and be friends. Meanwhile, my wife and I will actually start talking about our issues and working things out.

This was all my problem, not her fault at all, you're right. I wasn't communicating to her clearly enough just how deep and painful this whole situation was for me, and now that she knows, everything will be okay.

I thought I was being clear in my communication, but I guess since she already had so much on her plate, some of it was lost in translation.

Thank you all for your support. I will be updating this thread, and next time I won't be freaking out.

I'll also be lurking around and reading and maybe offering some helpful advice about some of the things I've learned to other new members.

Sigh.

I'm glad that's over. I feel 110% better, except for being too hot in this cramped office and too tired from lack of sleep and hungry from lack of eating the last couple of days.

Thank you all.

-Simian
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  #26  
Old 04-06-2010, 07:31 PM
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vandalin vandalin is offline
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Sometimes what we need is a good vent. I have found this forum and it's members wonderful and supportive and although I don't think I've ever gotten as freaked as you did here (totally subjective, eh Mono?) I know that the people here try to be supportive no matter your state of mind.

It really is amazing what a little miscommunication can do to a relationship and what a resultant finally communicating can do to releave it. I'm glad you two were finally able to turn that corner, together. And no, everything won't be peaches and cream from here on out and you will probably have more drama and freak outs to deal with, but just remember that you make it over one hurdle, you can make it over the next.

In cases like this where communication types may differ, I have to go with Mickey Mouse as opposed to Yoda. "Do or do not, there is not try," just doesn't cut it. "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again," sometimes is the answer. (love the sci-fi ref's btw. )
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  #27  
Old 04-06-2010, 07:37 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Quote:
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(totally subjective, eh Mono?) )
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  #28  
Old 04-06-2010, 07:47 PM
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I'm just glad the miscommunication has been resolved. I really thought it was completely obvious based on my recent uncharacteristic behaviour and freakoutism in-real-life that there was a problem, but whenever I tried to bring it up, she ignored me, or got mad at me. But she's been displaying highly avoidant behaviour lately, because that's how she deals with problems; withdrawal.

And thanks. That's actually my main priority in finding a mate. She must LOVE science fiction. I hit a winner, here. She's more knowledgeable about my fandoms than I am. And she considers herself a casual fan. Makes me look bad. :P

But the first thing I ever really said to her was "Do you like Star Wars?"

When she replied with "Yeah, who doesn't?" I knew I had to ask her out at the end of that class period.

We spent that Saturday at a local forest preserve (Waterfall Glen at Argonne National Lab), and the following day around Chinatown, and then back to her place.

I could never actually leave this relationship, no matter what it might put me through sometimes. I love it too much. There is too much to lose.

I've found my soul-mate. Even though she may be capable of having other soul-mates besides me, at least I get to be one of them.

Last edited by SimpleSimian; 04-06-2010 at 08:07 PM.
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  #29  
Old 04-06-2010, 07:52 PM
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Quote:
I could never actually leave this relationship, no matter what it might put me through sometimes. I love it too much. There is too much to lose.

I've found my soul-mate. Even though she may be capable of having other soul-mates besides me, at least I get to be one of them.
Makes me smile....
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  #30  
Old 04-06-2010, 07:54 PM
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vandalin vandalin is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SimpleSimian View Post
I've found my soul-mate. Even though she may be capable of having other soul-mates besides me, at least I get to be one of them.
This is probably the best way to put it. Just because one individual feels that they only have one, doesn't mean that everyone else has to only have one. Love is not a zero-sum game.
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