Confident Persona After Being Insecure; is it Possible?

[Vexxed]

Originally Posted by EugenePoet

I think Vexxed's GF knows he feels insecure...he mentioned that he shared that with her.

I imagine the situation a little differently than you, RP -- I imagine that she knows about his feelings, she's psychologically aware (she's got a PhD in the subject), she's on Vexxed's side and involved in helping him grow. Like he says, not as a therapist but as a lover. That's really good.

I hope I'm not mistaken in my assumptions, Vexxed. But if she really is encouraging and helping your personal growth, treasure the relationship.

He is correct. I told her that I had been feeling insecure.

She really is an amazing woman.

The problem is, I feel like I lowered my value as a partner by being insecure. I wanted to become a confident partner. Since that urge surfaced, I've realized that I need to become a confident person for my own good.

[redpepper]

Originally Posted by Vexxed

I've realized that I need to become a confident person for my own good.

I'm glad to hear that Vexxed, really I am

[EugenePoet]

...I've realized that I need to become a confident person for my own good.

Well, you've recognized the goal and I think you have the self-knowledge and determination to get there.

Trust me on this: she's going to really really enjoy watching you become a more confident and secure guy. If she can help you she's going to remember that with pleasure for a long time.

[Vexxed]

Originally Posted by EugenePoet

Trust me on this: she's going to really really enjoy watching you become a more confident and secure guy. If she can help you she's going to remember that with pleasure for a long time.

I would dearly love for her to feel that way about my situation. I hope that is things turn out that way.

We had a date night together this past Thursday night. I took her out for barbecue, and to spend the night on a ranch in an old house after watching the sunset.

Our date went well, but my timing was off regarding sex. She was awake in the middle of the night, and I talked to her, but I didn't try to have sex with her. In the morning I asked her if she likes having sex in the middle of the night. She replied, "yes, but not every single time". Then, for lunch yesterday, I chose to eat first with her. She gave me the option in a text message. We had sex after eating, and I could tell that she was only into it for me to get off. I asked her what it would have taken for her to want to have an orgasm (she didn't even attempt it), and she said, "just a little more time". Then she said, "maybe if we would have tried having sex first, then eating after". I realized that she was into the idea of me coming into the house, and moving with urgency and passion. My decision to eat first was a damper.

She masturbated after lunch, just after I left, and sent me a text message telling me that she used a toy that I had brought along.

45 minutes after lunch, I slipped off to the old house to catch her before she drove off. We talked and kissed. After a bit of toying with the idea, we ran back in the house for more sex. I couldn't get a full erection, but I still used it for 20 minutes or so. I finally gave up, and she had an orgasm with my fingers rubbing her front wall, and her's on her clitoris.

Right now I'm feeling like I am boring, and that my dates are boring in comparison to what she does with her other boyfriend. They are going to a vibrant alternative dance show tonight in the city. It's a bit hippie, and very party-like!

This morning I was up at 4:30 am. I was thinking about my bad timing yesterday, and how she will have an exciting time with her other boyfriend tonight, and till tomorrow afternoon. I couldn't fall back asleep. I felt nervousness and anxiety.

I feel that I have poor timing. I've realized this before, and it has been a challenge for me to make the right decision the first time.

How can I improve on my timing? I want to make the right decision the first time.

[redpepper]

It doesn't sound like timing so much as over thinking to me...

[Vexxed]

I can see how what I'm doing could be considered over thinking, but I can also see how things would have gone better had I made different choices.

I think that it is common to look back and see that choice B may have been better than choice A. How do I keep my feelings stable while still being able to learn from those experiences where I feel like I made the wrong choice?

[NeonKaos]

Vexxed, have you had yourself evaluated by a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist (besides your girlfriend)?

It sound like you might have a little obsessive/compulsive disorder (mostly "obsessive" from the things you describe here).

I don't think you are going to find the answers you seem to be looking for on this forum.

[Vexxed]

I did back in 2007. He asked me question about how neat I kept things, and how organized I needed things to be. He didn't diagnose me with OCD.