Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Introductions


Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 05-29-2012, 03:02 AM
Phillychick Phillychick is offline
New Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 4
Default Exploring...

Hi! I'm a happy-to-be-married woman who's been with my wife for over 10 years. While we've definitely had our challenges with each other, it's been important to both of us to find a way to work through them and stay together, especially since we have young kids. Both of us grew up with single parents and while I don't take any issue with that (my mom did an awesome job), keeping our family together is something we both value.

A few days ago, my wife finally shared with me that she wants to open our relationship up. At first I wasn't sure what to think, so finding this forum was hugely helpful. I don't have any experience with this at all and just reading posts from folks saying that their relationships had survived and even thrived was a relief. It also helped to read people's comments that maybe this wasn't just a judgement of my failure to be a good enough wife, that maybe it's okay to not be able to be all things to one person. The truth is that as much as we love each other, my wife and I aren't sexually compatible and our efforts to work around that have just left us both frustrated.

The more I think about it tho, the more I realize that this can be really complicated. I know she and I are going to have to discuss this a lot more and I'm really hoping to learn more from the folks here.

I think what my wife wants is to be able to have friendships with other women that involve sex and for me to be able to have sexual relationships on my own. She doesn't want to know any details, and I'm not sure yet if I do either. At the same time, it kind of feels like introducing dishonesty in the relationship, which doesn't seem like a great idea. I've never been a one-night-stand sort of person, and am much more interested in the idea of a second relationship. But at the same time, between work, my wife and kids, there's only so much time to give a second person. So, I guess I've got a lot to think through and figure out, but am glad at least to have a place to start sorting it out.
Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-2012, 03:05 AM
NovemberRain's Avatar
NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 712


So very refreshing to hear from someone who has taken the time to read a bit before jumping in.

Congratulations on remaining open and thoughtful in regards to your wife's request.

Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who now lives in a house far away-with stairs I can't climb)
Reply With Quote
Old 05-30-2012, 09:04 AM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 14,279

Hi Phillychick,
Welcome to our forum.

Polyamory comes in a great number of shapes, shades, and styles, so as you read and post here and there on the boards, keep your self-questioner on, i.e., "Hmmm, would this be an example of something I'd like to try?" when you hear this or that person's description of their own polyamorous life.

Time limitations will be one thing you'll have to figure out. You'll probably have to come up with some kind of compromise in that area.

It sounds like you're going into this with a wholesome and positive attitude. Take it slow; give yourself plenty of time to read, study, and interact with other forum members along the way.

I'm glad you're here.
Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 09:11 AM.