Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 04-03-2010, 07:28 PM
Kate88 Kate88 is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 2
Default Worrying about my new girlfriend

My husband and I have had an open relationship for several years, and it's all been great, but I recently started to fall for someone else. I and my husband are fine with this, but the new woman seems hesitant.

A year or so ago, she was the secondary partner of a married man for a long time, and while she says she doesn't regret it because they really were in love, she doesn't think she can do it again, because being in love with someone she couldn't fully "have" was too hard. She says she feels that she is falling for me, and doesn't want to.

I don't quite know what to do about it. She says she wants to keep seeing me, and I don't want to let her go, but is it even possible for us to decide not to fall in love?
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 04-03-2010, 09:34 PM
greenearthal's Avatar
greenearthal greenearthal is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 208
Default

What would prevent her from fully "have"ing you? Does she mean exclusively?
__________________
me n the band, singin our song
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 04-03-2010, 11:56 PM
CielDuMatin's Avatar
CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,456
Default

I have had a similar experience - an OSO of mine realised that she really wanted someone to be around pretty much all the time, and that even though she enjoyed the relationship with me, it wasn't "enough". Unfortunately being an LDR it was very difficult to make any adjustments to it without financially bankrupting either her or us, so t5he relationship came to an end, unfortunately.

What you can do about it - talk to her about why she feels that she can't completely "have" you - what would be lacking. Gain an understanding and see if anything is possible.
__________________
Please check out The Birdcage - an open, friendly Polyamory forum for all parts of New York State
http://www.thebirdcage.org/

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 04-04-2010, 08:20 AM
Kate88 Kate88 is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 2
Default

Thank you for the responses!

Yes, Ciel du Matin, that sounds like a similar situation. I have a commitment to my husband (house, dog etc) that would make adding another "equal" partner very difficult. Logistically more than emotionally. I'm not able to be with her the way I am with my husband.

Greenearthal, she means primarily, rather than exclusively. She says that if she had a primary style partner of her own, it wouldn't matter.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 04-04-2010, 08:25 AM
EdibleStrange EdibleStrange is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: 180 N Wabash
Posts: 18
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kate88 View Post
She says that if she had a primary style partner of her own, it wouldn't matter.
Well, I personally can't blame her for wanting to be somebody's primary. The desire to feel wanted, needed, and...well...PRIMARY in someone's life is a very basic one. Do you have any poly friends...?
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 07:22 PM.