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View Poll Results: How long has your poly relationship lasted so far?
1 year 6 42.86%
2 years 3 21.43%
4 years 1 7.14%
8 years 0 0%
10 years or more 4 28.57%
Voters: 14. You may not vote on this poll

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  #31  
Old 05-08-2010, 07:34 PM
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OH and does it mean doing poly WELL or just struggling through poly like most people struggle through monogomy?
Because we were certainly not doing it WELL to begin with-but the more we've matured and grown, the better we're getting...
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  #32  
Old 05-09-2010, 01:08 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
So I really find this thread FRUSTRATING still-because it seems so VAGUE.

How do you define if you were in a poly relationship/poly dynamic/poly family? Is it based on you KNOWING the word POLYAMOROUS first? Or is it a matter of meeting the definition of poly in your lifestyle even if you didn't know the word?

You know?
I don't think the thread itself is vague - especially with the OPs clarification. I just think it's wandering some LOL Not atypical.

But the example you give above just speaks to the reality of how poly has been around a LONG time before it got picked up by someone, labels attached, attempted definitions etc

And it's one of the reasons I/we are concerned, frightened etc over all the publicity/public exposure. Can see good and bad sides but if history has any lessons in it, it's entirely possible that something beautiful & special may be ruined. Best not to go there / elaborate. Those who understand will understand.

GS
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  #33  
Old 05-16-2010, 02:40 PM
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
GS-
in regards to that aspect, the other detail I think is missing in the question is that relationships may continue but not be stagnant as one DYNAMIC.

I asked at the beginning of the thread (don't recall getting a concrete answer either) about this detail BECAUSE:

I've been "OUT" as poly for only 71/2 months now.

BUT-I've been in a relationship with GG for 17 years
AND in a relationship with Maca for 12 years.

Both of them were aware that I had these relationships.

Even Maca would admit he knew when I was having an affair with GG. The dynamic that changed was that we stopped having a relationship of secrets and lies.

BUT the relationships have co-existed for the last 12 years.
During that time both men have been integral parts of this family, both have been integral in raising the kids, both have been integral in supporting me, each other and the relationships between.

What has continued to change is HOW we go about this. The key is we have all continued to grow and mature, and therefore the "boundaries" of our relationships have changed to match our growth and maturity.

SO-if you asked me if I had a poly relationship 12 years ago I would have said, "what the hell is a poly relationship".

BUT the truth is that the answer was yes.
FURTHERMORE-throughout the ENTIRE 17 years GG and I have had a relationship my sister has been involved as well. She isn't my biological sister for those who don't know this, she was my foster sister for a year or so when we were in school and we just "stuck".

Anyway-she and I have had a poly-family from the beginning. We've been raising children, sharing household responsibilities and finances, etc for 18+ years. She and I have never been sexually involved, however our lovers have been involved in this dynamic as well.

So I really find this thread FRUSTRATING still-because it seems so VAGUE.

How do you define if you were in a poly relationship/poly dynamic/poly family? Is it based on you KNOWING the word POLYAMOROUS first? Or is it a matter of meeting the definition of poly in your lifestyle even if you didn't know the word?

You know?
LR, I DO understand. In fact, my wife and I were in a poly V in the beginning, but had no idea what it was called....So we called ourselves "swingers". My wife was married to me, and was dating my best friend. Then he got married to a woman who wasn't into it, and we began searching again. The whole time we were with him, we were ONLY with him. Then we found a couple....They were great! They had experience in the swinging world, and sounded great to us. Well, we dated them for about a year, and they ended up getting a divorce. She wouldn't have anything to do with us because my wife was still dating his ex....So our quad (?) turned into a V. (labels...I know huh?) Anyway, while we were dating them as a couple, she (the other woman) was very promiscuous and often visited the local swingers resorts. Her husband would go sometimes, others not. She said he never played while there though, and the only time he played was with my wife. Anyway, my wife continued dating him for about another year or so, and then we moved out of the area.....Across the country actually. We have been here for 4 years....and are having the most difficult time finding another person/couple to date. We found one couple, but as soon as the "poly" word was mentioned, they ran for the hills. LOL It sucks for us, because we really were falling for them. We dated them for about 2 years also, until we made the mistake of mentioning the "P" word. So up until about 2 and 1/2 years ago, we had no idea what the word "polyamory" was, or that it even existed. Yet we lived it. So I would say it is even if you didn't know the word "polyamorous" first, and are just now realizing thats what you've been living. Hope this helps.
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  #34  
Old 05-17-2010, 11:17 PM
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Yes that helps.

GS-I said it-but didn't mean I thought the thread was vague (it is wandering-which I think is totally cool as you know). What I meant (and didn't actually say) was that I thought the question was a bit vague.
Not in how it was worded, but in what was or wasn't included in order to answer.

Based on the last response to me-that would mean that I've had a polyrelationship that has lasted 12 years with Maca and GG....

I was just not finding how to fit me into the question in order to functionally answer it.

Maybe I should practice my thinking skills a bit harder now that I'm off all the pills!! J/K
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  #35  
Old 05-19-2010, 07:43 PM
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Been with my legal wife for 12 years and we've known our wife for 6 years, but she's been living with us for just over 2 1/2 years. We're in this for the long haul.
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  #36  
Old 05-25-2010, 07:49 AM
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Originally Posted by TL4everu2 View Post
It seems to me (on this forum anyway) that all I'm reading about is people who are hurt by their initial girlfriend/wife or initial boyfriend/husband.
I think that's typical human behaviour.

When things are going good, most people are too busy riding the "happy wave" to take time out for keeping their friends up to date.

But when things are going poorly, we need to reach out for support, and that's a lot of what we see here.

For that reason, a lot of people get the wrong impression of their friends' partners, because they only hear about them when problems happen, so they assume the relationship is nothing but problems.
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  #37  
Old 05-25-2010, 08:46 AM
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Mono & RedPepper have an ongoing thread--How are you doing which covers happy moments, they also have one which is covering their lives together with Nerdist and the rest of the family which has the highs as well as the lows. LovingRadiance has a blog on here (I think) which covers her life as poly with the highs and lows. I have a short, ongoing thread on here which mostly covers the highs.

For me the problems with Breathes' initial s/o after we got together was partly because it was my first experience with poly and the mental reconditioning required after a lifetime of monogamous teachings. It's still tough at times but things are getting better as I gain more experience.

A lot of us ARE so busy living life when it's good that we don't think to write about it until well after the fact at which point other things are happening & we forget.

For me the happy moments are the cuddles while watching a movie or the thought behind an action which has meaning only to the two of us involved.

Read a little deeper, dig a little further into the archives, you will find those happy moments, I promise .
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  #38  
Old 05-25-2010, 03:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
I think that's typical human behaviour.

When things are going good, most people are too busy riding the "happy wave" to take time out for keeping their friends up to date.

But when things are going poorly, we need to reach out for support, and that's a lot of what we see here.

For that reason, a lot of people get the wrong impression of their friends' partners, because they only hear about them when problems happen, so they assume the relationship is nothing but problems.
Ding ding ding..

It might be good if someone feels like there is so much negativity to read a "how are you doing" thread or the one Mono started about success and happiness. Two GREAT threads on poly relationships that TEND to not talk about how hurt someone is over their spouse coming out poly.

For the record, life here in Alaska is going GREAT. Summer is here, and that means we get 2-3 months of warmth. Therefore-I don't have time to type! Yeah-I know.
But the truth is that we get 9-10 months of cold and dark. So when it's warm and light-we're out the door!
More details coming-on the how are you doing thread.
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  #39  
Old 05-25-2010, 03:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
I think that's typical human behaviour.

When things are going good, most people are too busy riding the "happy wave" to take time out for keeping their friends up to date.

But when things are going poorly, we need to reach out for support, and that's a lot of what we see here.

For that reason, a lot of people get the wrong impression of their friends' partners, because they only hear about them when problems happen, so they assume the relationship is nothing but problems.
Interesting take on it.

And, I might add, I don't see this type of whining on any other sites....Why? Because I don't visit regular dating sites. LOL So it would make sense that I don't see it anywhere else but here.
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  #40  
Old 05-25-2010, 05:40 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Originally Posted by TL4everu2 View Post
Interesting take on it.

And, I might add, I don't see this type of whining on any other sites....Why? Because I don't visit regular dating sites. LOL So it would make sense that I don't see it anywhere else but here.
I belong to a number of other forums. One long time member and admin at a bike forum. There is a lot of whining about friday nights alone, being single, getting divorced etc.

People, being sad an alone and hurt, reach out to find people to help from communities that they can relate to.
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