Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old 05-27-2012, 02:26 AM
MindfulAgony's Avatar
MindfulAgony MindfulAgony is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 192
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by TraciJO View Post
To answer some questions:

After doing a LOT of reading and soul searching, I have come to the conclusion that I need a poly relationship in order to be emotionally and sexually fufilled. My husband may choose to stay mono (which I understand complicates matters and makes jealousy more difficult to manage), but I need him to "open the door to the cage" and let me be free to love another person. If he can do that, I think we have hope. But I know that's asking a lot of him too.
I hear you but I think you missed what I intended to be the major point of my post. It doesn't seem that non-monogamy will solve the kinds of things you were dealing with in your initial post. May be a piece of the puzzle. But, don't forget to look for the other pieces of the puzzle that are still scattered on the table. It is easy to be seduced by the raw excitement of new relationships and, as a result, fail to do the hard work necessary for a sustainable joyful life.
__________________
Male, Straight, Poly

OKC Profile

Blogs:
Mind Crush
sloetry

“Instead of getting better and better at avoiding, learn to accept the present moment as if you had invited it. And work with it instead of against it. And making it your ally rather than your enemy.”
-Pema Chodron
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 05-27-2012, 02:52 AM
LotusesandRoses's Avatar
LotusesandRoses LotusesandRoses is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 110
Default

You absolutely can be happy again, and you can be happy with your husband - Whether that's a mono relationship, a poly one, or whatever.

I love being a poly person. I have a great poly partner, and today went on a great date with a couple. And that's a luxury. It's not a need. Not dating multiple people will not tear your soul apart.

You keep talking about the attention, and maybe if you clarify to your husband what your needs are, for the attention, not necessarily the partner(s), you may find that sates you. Marriage comes first. I know some poly people disagree, but I personally believe in the power of one's word and commitment.

Being mono should not force you to be on antidepressants, and extramarital sexual behavior will not cure depression. It's no different than using alcohol, drugs, or food to deal with those feelings. Something else is amiss here , and before you make any life changes, you need to focus on your mental and relationship health.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 05-27-2012, 03:15 AM
FigNewtonian FigNewtonian is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 24
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LotusesandRoses View Post
You absolutely can be happy again, and you can be happy with your husband - Whether that's a mono relationship, a poly one, or whatever.

I love being a poly person. I have a great poly partner, and today went on a great date with a couple. And that's a luxury. It's not a need. Not dating multiple people will not tear your soul apart.

You keep talking about the attention, and maybe if you clarify to your husband what your needs are, for the attention, not necessarily the partner(s), you may find that sates you. Marriage comes first. I know some poly people disagree, but I personally believe in the power of one's word and commitment.

Being mono should not force you to be on antidepressants, and extramarital sexual behavior will not cure depression. It's no different than using alcohol, drugs, or food to deal with those feelings. Something else is amiss here , and before you make any life changes, you need to focus on your mental and relationship health.
This is a brilliant reply. I kinda want to hug LotusesandRoses.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 05-27-2012, 03:41 AM
idealist's Avatar
idealist idealist is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Deep South
Posts: 542
Default welcome

You are definitely in the right place! There are a lot of people here who are willing to share their thoughts and experiences with you.

These are my two cents:

Your husband wouldn't be so jealous of you if he was having his own fulfilling experiences.

I would suggest that you spend some time and energy on finding a couple you two can be with where he feels chemistry with the woman. This will give him a chance to feel things from the perspective you are at right now.

It is a bit selfish for one partner to ask their spouse to continue seeing a couple and having sex with a person that they are not really into.

There are so many awesome couples available. When we joined SLS over 2 years ago, we had 14 first dates with 14 different couples in 3 months.

Our objective is to pursue this lifestyle so that it is fulfilling for both of us. We keep that in mind as we move through it.

It would be to your advantage to put your own needs and desires aside for a while and let him have some fulfilling experiences for a while. Once he is having his own experiences - hopefully the two of you will continue to get closer and your sexual relationship will continue to improve
__________________
The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 01:54 AM.