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  #1  
Old 05-23-2012, 10:23 PM
davepolyam davepolyam is offline
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Default poly ok go ahead from wife about her best friend

My wife's best friend is this awesome 20 something lady with a 3 year old who is so sweet! She has known my wife for 6 years and I guess they have had partial bi experiences together and I know my wife loves her a lot she's very sweet caring and cute ... my wife is an amazing woman that I met one year ago and we got married in September and been very happy together.... also her friend has had a wet dream about us and thought about and asked for a threesome .. my wife said lets do it and then got jealous for fear of losing me to her friend... so anyways last night we three were drinking for my birthday and thought about threesome jokingly but more of testing the waters... we all ended up flashing eachother .. I talked to my wife this morning about us dating her and she said yes but unsure how she feels on sex-would rather cuddle for now which is amazing anyways so I am wondering if we should legitimitly date.. ie take her to restaraunt eft... in 3 months both of our leases are up and we will ask her to move into a 3bedroom house with us.. one room forchild other for her and last for wifeand I... only thing is best friend is in a bad relationship with an emotionally abusive boyfriend who's the father of the child... I would love to take care of them both plus the child.. it. Would help my wife with time from her friend... help our friend with taking stress away and help me too.. I know I love them both
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Old 05-23-2012, 10:32 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Hey there,

I would counsel strongly against moving her in so quickly. A triad is an emotionally tricky situation that takes a while to settle into a groove, and putting everyone in constant contact with each other right at the beginning is going to make things more apt to explode.

www.morethantwo.com/coupledating.html <-- Great general advice for a situation like yours.

Does her bf know about you guys or is she contemplating cheating on him?

What will you do if she wants to date one of you but not the other? Would it bother you if she wants to date other people as well? Just some food for thought.

Also, I would say that in any new relationship, dating before things get serious is a good idea. Probably moreso in poly, because the dynamics are more complicated. Take it slow.
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  #3  
Old 05-23-2012, 10:58 PM
davepolyam davepolyam is offline
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Well my wife already watches her 3yr old almost everyother day... and our friend has already cheated on her bf before and is waiting tip the lease expires to officially breakup with him.... I talked about it with my wife and it feels real nice already.. we contemplated her having our child as a surrogate because my wife can't bear children... they already love eachother and have known eachother for quite some time... I don't feel rushing.. we just want to date her and see where it goes... no ties.,. P.s. we actually don't want any other person other then our friend.. and it's simply because the connection we feel for her and her child... even if she's only with us for 2 or3 years

Last edited by davepolyam; 05-23-2012 at 11:08 PM.
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Old 05-23-2012, 11:01 PM
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BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
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Since this is your wife's best friend, I would assume that even w/o the dating potential, you would offer your home to her to get her out of an abusive situation.

We've had friends stay with us as needed through out the years; occasionally there was some cross over benefits of said arrangements with the intent of keeping the friendship intact.

I would urge caution about the boyfriend though. If she is considering leaving him, for any reason, he may become more abusive and lash out towards those helping her. Just something to consider. Good luck.
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Old 05-23-2012, 11:11 PM
davepolyam davepolyam is offline
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I was worried about that... because my wife helped her leave him before... and we would just tell him shes with friends... and yes wed offer our home in a hearbeat
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Old 05-24-2012, 09:59 PM
davepolyam davepolyam is offline
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so i spoke with my wife about it again, and she would rather wait for our friend to leave her current boy friend before we even think about asking her... but i feel that the sooner we tell our friend the better the outcome, cause she still has no idea other than that we might want a threesome, even though i wish for so much more than that... so i figured maybe in a week one of us (hopefully both) can sit down and speak with her... my wife seems partially okay with the idea of us dating her. and she feels like she's slowly warming to it, but I told her I feel very strongly about this and wish for it to happen and that it might also take strain off of our relationship, which she agreed. and she would have someone to talk to and vent if needed, and i'm simply looking forward to watching this seed grow and flower into the most beautiful relationship
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Old 05-24-2012, 10:03 PM
km34 km34 is offline
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I would be very, very, very careful about approaching a relationship so soon after a breakup. There is that whole "rebound" period where people will grasp on to anyone who seems caring or better than the last guy and do you really want her decision to be with you to be based on those emotions?

Offer her a place to live, let her get her life straightened out, THEN approach a romantic relationship.

That's what I recommend anyway. I feel like trying to get someone in a new relationship while she's still trying to end one is a recipe for drama.
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Old 05-24-2012, 10:22 PM
davepolyam davepolyam is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by km34 View Post
I would be very, very, very careful about approaching a relationship so soon after a breakup. There is that whole "rebound" period where people will grasp on to anyone who seems caring or better than the last guy and do you really want her decision to be with you to be based on those emotions?

Offer her a place to live, let her get her life straightened out, THEN approach a romantic relationship.

That's what I recommend anyway. I feel like trying to get someone in a new relationship while she's still trying to end one is a recipe for drama.

so you think it would be better to go ahead with the house and help her out of it.. and then ask her later on together as a couple once she's become stable... this actually sounds like a better idea... i really care for them both a lot and wouldn't do anything to possibly jeopardize this.. and i also want to keep my wife happy.. while trying to take care of our friend.. any ideas on putting my wife's slight insecurity to rest.. i tell her i love her and that no matter what she is and always will be my wife and that our friend will simply be an addition to an already great thing.. she's very conscious on her appearance and she thinks her friend is more beautiful then her simply because she's skinnier. which is saddening for me but i understand it's her view.. she also knows that she can't bear children while our friend can.. and she's scared of her becoming pregnant and us running away leaving my wife behind.. which is insane to me and kills me

also the other day my wife and her kissed.. and she kissed her back (was amazing and made me happy)
and my wife asked her to in essence sit on my lap and she said omg i can't it's YOUR husband.. which my wife said go ahead it's okay and after the third time she did slightly and cautiously - any ideas? on letting her know it's okay to be with a married couple

Last edited by davepolyam; 05-24-2012 at 10:26 PM.
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Old 05-25-2012, 05:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by davepolyam View Post
so i spoke with my wife about it again, and she would rather wait for our friend to leave her current boy friend before we even think about asking her... but i feel that the sooner we tell our friend the better the outcome, cause she still has no idea other than that we might want a threesome, even though i wish for so much more than that...
I would recommend waiting a bit as well. Leaving a relationship is stressful and should be done thoroughly. She may leave things unfinished if you hurry her right into the next and the fallout of that may take its toll on you later on.

It is valid to offer her every option available and tell her that you are really interested in her, but let her reach a more stable place before going at it.


Quote:
Originally Posted by davepolyam View Post
[...] wish for it to happen and that it might also take strain off of our relationship, which she agreed. and she would have someone to talk to and vent if needed, and i'm simply looking forward to watching this seed grow and flower into the most beautiful relationship
What kind of strain are you talking about? If there are some things you and your wife are having problems with, it is normally better to work those issues out before adding another person. If things stay unsolved they tend to grow with time and get right back at you.

What got me thinking as well was your wife's motivation. She sounds as if she needs a good friend, not a romantic relationship. Maybe this is only part of the picture, but if that is how she basically feels you may watch out for the dynamic in a triad, where the different relationships don't build equally between the spouses and one easily feels left out. As your wife seems to be mainly interested in exploring her sexual side a bit, this may happen to her, if the feelings she develops are more on the friendship level.
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  #10  
Old 05-25-2012, 02:31 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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I sort of missed the answer to this question... if she moves in with you, and starts dating you, are you expecting her to be exclusive to you, or is it ok if she has other boyfriends/girlfriends?
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