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  #1  
Old 07-17-2014, 01:45 PM
polypie polypie is offline
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Default to love, or not to love...that is the question

Ok... So for the past 5 years I've been happily married to my husband and amazing partner in life. We have three beautiful children and a functional life style that we enjoy. Occasionally we invite other women into the bedroom for fun. In the past it's never escalated beyond that. Yesterday a woman left or house after staying for 4 days... We had.sooooooo much fun, drinking and dancing and making love all throughout the night... Swimming and playing with the children all day.. Going to the gym, preparing meals together... Youuuuuuu know...normal life stuff... Not just sex. I really enjoyed her company.... My husband enjoyed her company... He kept relating her to me...saying how she has so many similar interests.. She behaves "like me"....well what I'm getting at here...he's all ready to move her in....wants a second wife.. I'm feeling a tad bit threatened/jealous...like I'm being replaced... Very unrealistic.. I'm confused because I have noooo reason to feel that way..she's a good girl...lives the kids.... Is a great help around the house... Fun in bed... If I were single I'd consider her... So why not now? I think maybe society has taught me what to think and how to feel...to be jealous...when it's just sex, I'm thrilled to see my husband just going at it.... I can't get enough...but when he's emotionally attached...suddenly I'm jealous and sad....could it be polyamory isn't for me...or was I just raised in a society that denies its people love? I have three children... I don't stop loving one so that I might love another... Should I try to be more open to this?

Also... I see lots of one person with multiple partners...how many of you are more than two that all share each other together...at the same time?

Also, also... I come from a very religiously ruled family...how do you come out with your polyamorous lifestyle?
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  #2  
Old 07-17-2014, 01:58 PM
graviton graviton is offline
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Default

I would absolutely NOT move her in. Maybe she wouldn't want to. The first thing you should do is look up the term "triad" or "unicorn" and READ EVERYTHING you can about the difficulties that are common in such scenarios.
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  #3  
Old 07-17-2014, 03:31 PM
polypie polypie is offline
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Default everyones on board except me :/

She already agreed to move in!!!! I had to say HOLD ON let's think on it
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  #4  
Old 07-17-2014, 03:32 PM
polypie polypie is offline
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Default research research research

Googling those terms now <3
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  #5  
Old 07-17-2014, 03:43 PM
polypie polypie is offline
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Unhappy

She went home last and I tried to persuade my husband, sexually... He turned me away because he was too tired and had work in the very early morning... I immediately felt insecure and (jokingly) said "if she was here you wouldn't say no" (but believed it)... I ended up drinking and crying myself to sleep because I'm insecure. I've never felt this way before!!!!
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  #6  
Old 07-17-2014, 03:49 PM
polypie polypie is offline
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Default another thing

I'm really uncomfortable with the idea of my husband another woman pregnant.... How many of you have one husband with multiple wives and children from multiple women? Was it ever confusing? Do you think my feelings stem directly from my American culture? I'm having a hard time figuring ot how i feel because its so outside anything I've ever been exposed to...
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  #7  
Old 07-17-2014, 04:07 PM
polypie polypie is offline
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Default unicorn = bad

I would not ever want a "unicorn"... I think what I'm trying to consider is a "poly-fi triad", if I'm understanding terms correctly..... If my husband were suggesting we be "unicorn Hunters" (which he never would), although I'd never do that to a person....i would not be jealous.. I'm feeling like he's trying to replace me...or might like her more...which is irrational!!! I don't understand my feelings!!!!!
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  #8  
Old 07-17-2014, 04:10 PM
polypie polypie is offline
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Default its in his kiss

I've never had a problem with him sleeping with another woman when I'm not present... But knowing he's kissing her.... Its crushing to me... I wish someone could get in my brain and tell me why!!!! I'm so confused
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  #9  
Old 07-17-2014, 04:53 PM
polypie polypie is offline
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Question so confused!!!!!!!

I just spoke with my husband and he said if I'm so distraught about it we need to slow down... He said we should date her a while or even end it altogether until i sort out my feelings... I'm just so afraid I'm going to turn away from something i haven't given a chance... I see my husband and i know he'd be so much happier in a triad relationship...and I'm without reason to say why I'd be unhappy seeing him love anyone else... I wish i knee how to find answers!!!!
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  #10  
Old 07-17-2014, 04:56 PM
AlwaysGrowing AlwaysGrowing is offline
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but....

Multiple times you've invited women home for SEX ONLY.
Suddenly you spend a few days with a woman, and your husband is proposing LOVE, MARRIAGE, and COHABITATION.

Yes?

If so, I would probably be freaking out, too. That wasn't the plan, it wasn't the agreement, and it wasn't your expectation. There was no discussion beforehand, other than a little bit post-coitus/domestic bliss/beginning of NRE. You and your husband and this woman need to sit down and discuss. Are you all interested in a triadic relationship? How would you handle date nights (as dyads and a triad)? Who has what responsibilities financially and around the house if you're living together? What do the kids know? Are you telling the neighbors? Your friends? Families? What happens if one of you decides you're no longer interested in one of the others (either you're not into her, she's not into you, she's not into your hubby, your hubby's not into her, your hubby's not into you, you're not into your hubby) anymore? Are you combining finances as well as households or having more of a roommate situation?

There's a LOT to figure out before starting a polyship. There's even more to figure out if you're going to live together.

I really recommend doing some reading TOGETHER. This board is a great resource. The book Opening Up has some great lists of things to talk about. I'm a fan of Polyamory in the 21st Century, too, but it's a bit textbook-like for some.

Best of luck to you all! I hope you're able to figure out what you all want.
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american culture, confused, first world problems, polyamory

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