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Old 07-17-2014, 12:54 AM
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Akito237 Akito237 is offline
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Default Polyamory = Dwarf Dating?

Okay, so you clicked the thread title, so I guess I should explain myself. This kind of went through my head when I was reading about polyamory and getting into the lifestyle.

In Terry Pratchet's Discworld series, Dwarves are a race that is typical to your general fantasy genre. But here's the thing: both male and female Dwarves have beards and generally look the same. So Dwarven courtship is described as very carefully, very subtly trying to convince the other Dwarf that you are interested in them and, discreetly, are trying to figure out what gender the other Dwarf is.

That struck me as how Poly dating might work. Unless you show up to a gathering of Poly friendly people, it may be a little embarressing to admit that you are either poly inclined or in a poly relationship (especially in the Bible Belt, where apparently people have Views). So if you are interested in someone, the courtship might be the same: very carefully trying to figure out not only if the other person is romantically inclined to you, but also if they are friendly to the idea of polyamory.

Any thoughts?
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Old 07-17-2014, 01:19 AM
icesong icesong is offline
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Ha, I love the analogy. And hate the process, which is one of the reasons I've been 1. trying to be more out so other people don't have to wonder and 2. do most of my looking for dates online where I can just lay it out there without worrying about it.

(And yeah, I live in a liberal enclave of the bible belt. Views, indeed, if I get out of town...)
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Old 07-17-2014, 01:27 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is online now
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Thanks for the Terry Pratchet reference!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Akito237 View Post
... So if you are interested in someone, the courtship might be the same: very carefully trying to figure out not only if the other person is romantically inclined to you, but also if they are friendly to the idea of polyamory.

Any thoughts?
Hmmm, I think it depends on how "courtship" or "dating " works for you...

For me, I have never "looked for" someone to date, anyone I might meet would be in my life (circle) already and therefore already know that I am poly (and bi). If I am "interested" in someone, I approach them the same way that I approach anyone else - flirty and interested.

At some point in any social conversation (usually, in the first few minutes) I will end up talking about my life and my husband and my boyfriend. If they say "WHAT?!? You have a husband and a boyfriend?" then we talk about it. If they say "So, are you open to new partners?" - it might just be curiosity or they might be interested...etc. etc.
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Old 07-17-2014, 02:44 AM
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My marital status has always up front. No sense in misleading anyone. It's dishonest and tends to pissed people off
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Old 07-17-2014, 08:44 AM
InsaneMystic InsaneMystic is offline
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Nah. Simply being upfront right from the start that mono/closed/exclusive will not ever be an option, period, is my preferred way to go.

Why waste time on stuff that's not going anywhere? I don't want to waste mine on an incompatible person, or have theirs get wasted on me.
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Old 07-17-2014, 01:49 PM
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I am just honest and up front... much easier that way.
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Old 07-17-2014, 09:12 PM
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Quote:
Unless you show up to a gathering of Poly friendly people, it may be a little embarressing to admit that you are either poly inclined or in a poly relationship
I'm not embarrassed at all to admit that I am poly. I am completely upfront about it and I have no issues with talking about it.
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Old 07-17-2014, 09:26 PM
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I'm completely out in my life, although I realize that isn't a possibility for everybody. And like someone else already said, I don't go looking for partners, I generally happen to become interested in friends and then see where things go or if they have a mutual interest.
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Old 07-18-2014, 04:14 AM
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I very rarely mention the word polyamory until I know someone a bit, because there are too many misconceptions about it, but I usually say that I am not into exclusivity (if the topic of "what are you looking for" comes up - it doesn't always).

There are a ton of threads here on the topic - just do a tag search for "meeting people" or "poly dating."
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Old 07-18-2014, 05:51 AM
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I go with "I have a non-standard number of boyfriends".
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