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  #61  
Old 10-14-2010, 01:54 AM
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idealist idealist is offline
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Default Idealist Poly Blog Part 34- update

It’s been a while since I’ve posted…so I wanted to post an update!!

Richard and I have our 3rd date with Monica and Donald this weekend!! They will be driving into town on his Harley. We plan on going out to eat and then to a local club to hear some live music!! They will spend the night at my house and we’ll probably cook breakfast in the morning before they head back!!

I am still seeing Jacob about twice a month and he is the best sexual partner I’ve ever had in my life. I’m aware that this can really feed into my addictive personality, so I limit my dates with him to twice a month or once every three weeks. It’s mostly sexual, but we do talk also and I really like him. But- I will say it’s hard to separate the infatuation and NRE from a genuine “liking”. Only time will tell whether we will be long term or not. We have been seeing each other for 3 months now…..so, I guess I have about 3 more months of infatuation!! Whoo hoo!!! Before reality sets in……

Charles is really preoccupied with Holland, so we don’t see each other much anymore. And when we do see each other, it’ mostly just social. Every now and he and I get to spend a little time together, but not often.

John isn’t seeing me anymore. Steven lives so far away. Richard lives out of town during the week. I think I need a local guy that I can see more often!! So…….I have contacted Kevin. We met on a dating site over a year ago and I was attracted to him, but at the time (since I was still in the monogamous/committed mindset) I decided not to get involved with him because he has a very young son. But……now that I’m polyamorous, the fact that he has a son doesn’t matter anymore. So- we are going out tomorrow evening and I will tell him about my current lifestyle and see if he is interested in seeing me.

Also…….I have met a bisexual married woman who has permission to have a female lover outside of their relationship. I have met her husband too and although I’m not attracted to him sexually, I am comfortable around him and she has made it clear that he doesn’t expect me to be with him too just because she and I are together. So- I’m thinking this could be good because she and I hit it off right away and she’s into me!!!

Life is good!!!
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  #62  
Old 12-07-2010, 12:18 AM
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Default Idealist Poly Blog Part 35- Christian Judgement

Last week, I received an e-mail from a former acquaintance. At one time, we had been fairly close but she had moved away. I ran into her one night at a club and we were both glad to see each other. She began to share about her life since we’ve seen each other last and asked me questions about my life. A few days later, I received an e-mail from her telling me that she is a Christian (which I knew already) and that although she isn’t judging me, nevertheless, I am sinning and need to turn my life over to the Lord.

I live in the Deep South and this was the last straw for me when it comes to being honest about my lifestyle. Apparently it is best to avoid the whole process of explaining polyamory. For the most part, people don’t get it. I have tried to explain it and my closest friends have accepted my lifestyle choice, but to say that they understand it would be going a bit too far.

After living a polyamorous lifestyle for almost a year now, Richard and I both feel that polyamory is right for us individually and as a couple.

Richard is working 7 days a week and the job site is 2 hours away, so that gives us a limited amount of time together. We manage somehow to be together as much as possible- especially when he can get a day or two off. He has reconnected with Cheri and I am glad because she lives in the area where he is working so she will occasionally spend a few days with him over there which helps to keep him company!!

On Halloween night, we went to a party and met a lot of new people!! Richard met Sherrie that night. They have managed to go out 3 times since then and that is going good. She doesn’t seem to be possessive or demanding.

So, right now, Richard has me, Cheri and Sherrie and that is working out well for him and I’m very comfortable with it. I have never met Cheri, but of course I was with Rickard when he met Sheri. When we had a moment alone, she asked me about Richard. I reassured her that he is a thoughtful and considerate guy. She asked “what is he looking for” and the simple answer that I felt was the best way to go was “friends with benefits”. They had sex on the first date, which sort of surprised me, but apparently it’s been a while since she’s had a sexual partner and Richard does make women feel safe.

Steven may be coming to spend some time with me in 2011 and I'm developing a closer connection with Tom. John won't see me any more and Jacob has lost interest in me because he is looking for a monogamous/exclusive relationship.

Just as with all aspects of life, things change. I see relationships ebbing and flowing.....people come and go from our lives. I recently ended a friendship with a woman I had known for 30 years. I had treated her like a sister, but she had gotten unpleasant and even rude to me within the last year. I sent her a letter explaining that I have no desire to talk to her or spend time with her any more.

Anyway......just sharing my misc. thoughts......any feedback is appreciated!!!
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  #63  
Old 12-08-2010, 06:29 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Always good to see updates Idealist. Good to see you still working through stuff.

Its unfortunate when people can't accept what people wish to do. I don't experience this, but I also tend to keep my distances from heavily religious types. Being agnostic they don't tend to appreciate my viewpoints.

Sounds like things are flowing nicely for you. Sorry to hear about John and Jacob, but things happen, relationships come and go. With your energy and positivity I am sure you will find what you want.

Ari
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  #64  
Old 03-16-2011, 09:46 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Hi, I've been reading through some of your blog. I like how you manage multiple relationships as a solo independent woman. Thanks for sharing so much. I will keep checking back.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #65  
Old 03-23-2011, 01:26 AM
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Default Idealist Poly Blog Part 36- I found a female partner!!!

Hello everyone!! I’ve been reading, but haven’t posted in a while.

I finally met a woman and have been seeing her since November!!! I wanted to share my experiences around this with everyone who might be interested.

I have desired a female partner for about 5 years now. I had a profile on okcupid for a year. I was about to delete my profile, but decided “what the heck….it’s free” - so I kept it active and one evening, I did a search and found her!!!

She has been in open relationships before, but she did not integrate herself with the social circle and families of her partners in the past…..for some reason and wasn’t feeling comfortable with the thought of meeting my other partners etc.. I, on the other hand, am integrated into the social circles and lives of my partners and they are integreated with mine. She and I had not been able to come up with a vision of how we could move forward into our relationship so that each of us are honored and comfortable as well as getting our needs met.

She is a lesbian and is most comfortable in the gay community for social interactions. All of my partners and friends are heterosexual and not familiar with the gay community.

So- a few weeks ago, one Saturday evening, she texted me to say she was at the local gay club. I was in the middle of the party at my house (that I didn’t invite her to because she is simply not ready) and we had all decided to go out. So--- I got the idea to ask the group how they would feel about dressing up for Mardi Gras and going to the gay bar which has a great lit dance floor and kareoke. The men were uncomfortable with the idea, but all of the women seemed excited about it. My primary male partner (Richard) was here and he didn’t seem to care one way or the other. I told everyone that my girlfriend would be there.

We decided on the way there that if anyone was uncomfortable or wanted to leave we would. Everyone was so nice to my girlfriend and treated her like they’ve known her all their life. We had so much fun!!! Everyone enjoyed it so much!! Now, because the ice has been broken, she has asked to become friends on Facebook with some of my friends and a few days later she bought a 100 page Hal Leonard guitar tabs book at a garage sale for Richard. When I gave it to him a week later, he sat there with it for an hour going through it page by page talking about each song!!

Last weekend, we attended another social event with more of my friends including Charles and Holland. Everyone loved her!!!

So- things are going good for me.

We have not been sexual yet, because we don’t want to fall into the “too much too soon” dynamic which can ruin a relationship and I really feel like this could be a long term connection on many levels which is what I have desired for so long!!! We do have plans to go to New Orleans for a weekend, so we’ll see!!!
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  #66  
Old 03-23-2011, 01:28 AM
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Default Idealist Poly Blog Part 37- values and relationships

I am studying to be a Life Coach. We did a process on Values. When reviewing the values which I selected as being most important to me, I realized they can be divided into four groups.

A small portion of them are things which I have to work on within my mental and emotional self (like awareness and growth.)

Another small portion is made up of things which I have to work on physically (like health, fitness and financial independence).

A large portion of my important values can be realized by adjusting my state of mind (like balance, certainty, confidence, decisiveness, determination, freedom, harmony, optimism, perseverance, self-reliance, stability and strength.

And, the interesting insight I had which pertains to Relationships is that a great portion of the things I value most in life can only be realized within the context of relationships. (Like directness, entertainment, honesty, intimacy, leadership, love, openness, persuasiveness, respect, support, trust and understanding.

So- for me, remaining content and fullfilled is simple......nurture my relationships and maintain a conscious state of mind!!!!
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  #67  
Old 03-23-2011, 01:36 AM
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Default Idealist Poly Blog Part 38- new male partner!!!

Also wanted to share that I am not seeing Charles sexually any more since Holland isn’t comfortable with it. Since Richard lives out of town during the week, I wanted to find a guy to “take Charles place” although I hate to put it that way.

Anyway- I found a guy on SLS and had messaged him about 6 months ago, but decided I wasn’t ready to meet. Then, in December, I messaged him and said I wanted to meet. That was when he said in a message “we have met before”!!!

Come to find out- he is married and they are polyamorous!! They’ve been married 11 years and I met them at church 10 years ago. I was very attracted to them as a couple. She has a secondary male partner that she sees once a week.

Unfortunately she isn’t bisexual because I am so attracted to both of them, but he and I have been seeing each other about once a month and I am really enjoying him!! Our conversations are great!!! He has an incredible body and so talented sexually!!! They also have attended several social events at my house!!!
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  #68  
Old 03-23-2011, 04:35 PM
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Carma Carma is offline
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Ever heard the song by Indigo Girls "The Southland in the Springtime"? There's a line in it that says, "When god made me born a Yankee he was teasin'" That's how I feel when I read your posts/blog. Hello from way up in Ohio
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  #69  
Old 03-26-2011, 12:29 AM
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Hello Carma!!
I have not heard that song, but I LOVE the Indigo Girls, so I'll make a point to look it up!!! Thanks!!!
Idealist
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  #70  
Old 04-07-2011, 04:15 AM
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Default Idealist Poly Blog Part 39- finally!!!

I am spending a few days in New Orleans with my female partner- I'm calling her Brenda. We met in November and have been seeing each other since then. She has met Richard, my primary partner, Charles, Holland and about 6 to 8 of my other friends. She is a lesbian and at first she said she didn't want to "integrate" into my life. Since that is what I wanted, and she can't resist me she has gradually "integrated" until we are finally ready to spend this quality time together and I'm thinking this will be our first time to have sex!!

I'm nervous because I haven't been "one on one" with a woman in over 10 years.
She hasn't had sex in a year, so she's nervous too!!

Richard reserved a room in New Orleans for 2 nights, but with his work schedule, he can only make the second night, so he said I could invite her and she and I could spend the first night there.

She is still acting rather hesitant around him and it's obvious that it's her issues because he is so accepting of her. I don't think she really knows how to relate to men. There is no telling what she has experienced. I am thinking she has been abused in some way by a man or men.

I have held bounderies with her which has created an interesting dynamic. She has pushed against those bounderies, but I haven't really given in. She's accused me of being controlling, but I don't care. I might be a bit controlling, but I'm okay with it. She trusts me also, so there is an interesting conflict that she has within herself. And, the boundaries have allowed us to take our time getting to know one another without jumping into the NRE head first. As a result, we have been in a fairly blissful state for 5 months!

Anyway....I just wanted to share with my wonderful polyamory family!!
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Last edited by ImaginaryIllusion; 06-14-2011 at 02:18 AM. Reason: Names
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