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  #111  
Old 02-28-2014, 06:16 PM
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idealist idealist is offline
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Going on my 5th year as a poly female, it's cool to look back and realize that I have not questioned my poly nature once in these last 4 years.

The decision to openly live an ethical non-monogamous lifestyle has been the right thing for me and I am growing and opening myself up to experience deeper levels of emotional intimacy.

Poly gives me a freedom that I seem to need and with that freedom, I have more courage.

Going on 12 years together, Richard and I are falling in love again! We have set up a lifestyle that works for us! We use the word primary to describe each other and we will end a secondary relationship that seems to threaten our primary relationship.

We do not live together and never have. We are considering building a country home together to live in after retirement. Check out the attached floor plan which has two master wings!! We would add a Guest Bedroom too!

We had a lot of boundaries in the beginning, but those boundaries are gradually opening up. As I see Richard's love for me and his commitment to our future together (without any sort of formal declaration) and he sees the same in me, we are able to loosen up and let go of the superficial protective measures we had set up in the beginning.

At the same time, we know what we each need in order to feel the freedom that we both thrive in!
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  #112  
Old 03-01-2014, 01:16 AM
CherryBlossomGirl CherryBlossomGirl is offline
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I love reading your posts, and am thrilled to hear that you and Richard are falling in love yet again; I was just talking about experience with a girlfriend on the phone today. Your floor plan is so simple and sexy; time to yourself, or shared time. It allows autonomy while still being bonded in the common are, and I love the placement of the spa!
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  #113  
Old 04-17-2014, 02:38 AM
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idealist idealist is offline
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Default When polyamory is working!!!

Polyamory- my story after 4 years in the lifestyle.

I am polyamorous for two main reasons.

1- monogamous relationships make me feel trapped.

2- I'm bisexual so monogamy doesn't work for me considering that when I have chosen a mono partner of one gender, the other part of myself has to go unsatisfied.

So- after 4 years of being full committed to the poly lifestyle, I am so realizing the great advantages and I want to share them with you.

Last weekend, I was able to spend a lot of time with my two guys- Richard and Lee. And it was awesome to see them getting to know one another better too!

Not only that, but I had dated an awesome lesbian (Brenda) for a short time three years ago and we have started seeing each other again.

As I look back at my thoughts, feelings and behaviors towards her, I realize that I was totally trying to control things and I wanted her to fit into my idea of what my poly social life should look like.

She expressed that she accepted my poly lifestyle and that she felt more comfortable with a DADT situation with me and that she would prefer to be kept in her own compartment within my life- without a desire to intermingle socially with my other partner(s).

At the time, this was not acceptable to me because I had a vision of what life would be like for me as a poly person. And in that vision, all of the people that I am serious about would know one another and would like to become a sort of community.

I still hold that vision, but now I know that maybe my vision has some room for expansion and growth. Maybe I can't come up with a perfect scenario for myself and my partners in terms of how we will all interact socially.

I have started seeing her again because I realize that she excites me and I enjoy her company. I enjoy talking with her and being with her. I like the way she responds to me and she seems to enjoy the way that I respond to her. I am physically attracted to her and she is attracted to me also!

We are taking it slow.....really slow and it feels right!

At the same time, Richard is seeing two different women outside of our relationship and I did have the opportunity to meet one of them and get to know her better!

Other people in the lifestyle talk to us about guilt and jealousy but we haven't really dealt with either of those emotions very much at all.

For us, it just seems to be that this lifestyle is natural. We get it. It makes sense to us. We made the decision to walk away from all cultural norms and now we are figuring out how we will proceed and making sure we are open to adaptation while we go!!!

This is really working for us! It requires an authentic commitment to the lifestyle and everything it stands for. I hope everyone reading has been able to have as much enjoyment and fulfillment as we have had!
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  #114  
Old 04-19-2014, 04:01 PM
elemental elemental is offline
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Just want to call attention to the good work you do and the success stories you bring to this forum, and that it is a great example of how Poly does work, and work well. Thanks for sharing and creating a positive example, it is what I am creating and working towards. Much respect.
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  #115  
Old 08-23-2014, 04:49 AM
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idealist idealist is offline
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Just wanted to check in with the poly community and share what is going on in the Deep South!! I have been living an active polyamorous lifestyle for 4 ˝ years. I still have (what I call) a primary male partner (Richard) and am seeing my lesbian ex-lover, Brenda again. We had seen each other for a while- broke up- and now are seeing each other as friends. I am still seeing Lee with the permission of his wife and that is going good! I spend a lot of time with Dee when we get together at the condo on the beach and am spending a lot of time with Bette. We were childhood friends and have recently re-connected---- super fun!!

Polyamory offers the opportunity to step out of the cultural mindsets and see if you can “make it up as you go along”. It requires a great deal of emotional maturity and demands the ability to be honest and authentic. This lifestyle is working for me. (As a Certified Life Coach) I am available to offer support for anyone that would like feedback. If you resonate with the way I have been navigating the lifestyle (skim over some of my blog entries) and if you think I may be able to offer you support or guidance, please private message me.
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  #116  
Old 08-23-2014, 01:45 PM
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idealist idealist is offline
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Default Trust and Honesty

The ability to trust oneself and be honest with oneself is the key to healthy relationships.

If things aren't exactly going our way, it is easy to blame that on someone else. But looking towards someone else for our sense of well-being is counter productive. Each individual is responsible for their own sense of inner peace and each individual has everything they need deep down inside to fulfill their own needs, wants and desires.

Yes, it is nice to have a partner (or more) as well as friends and family to share life with and to enjoy life with. However that is not the same as looking towards that partner or those friends or family members to fulfill a perceived gap within that can't be filled by anything another human being has to offer.

So why even have relationships? Because relationships allow us to experience love in it's true and pure form, if we can get our personal self-structure to step aside and allow the pure love to shine through.

Continuing to look within to the deepest part of yourself will enable the Pure Love to awaken within you and that Pure Love will begin to shine on and illuminate everything you encounter and everything you see!
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Last edited by idealist; 08-23-2014 at 01:58 PM.
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  #117  
Old 08-20-2015, 10:11 PM
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idealist idealist is offline
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Red face Checking in with Great News!!!

It's been a year since I posted last and l and I wanted to share some positive things about the lifestyle for those of you who are still not sure if it will work for you or not.

Richard and I have remained in the lifestyle now for 5 1/2 years. The main components we have stayed focused on are trust, respect and honesty. Open communication is the most important part of living a polyamorous lifestyle.

We entered the lifestyle – as a lot of people do – with the idea that we would find a woman that could join us in our relationship. And then we thought maybe we could find a couple that we could see regularly and have a long-term relationship – basically a quad is what we hoped to find.

But as the years went on, relationships with others have come and gone. I would say that we have relationships with about eight couples and a handful of singles, but they are all casual and I wouldn't consider that any of these feel that we are developing a serious long-term connection. Just maybe "friends with benefits" which – there's nothing wrong with that at all! :-)

And we have accepted that and have been enjoying meeting new people spending time with them and accepting that we will probably all go our own ways.

But I met a couple two years ago and really liked them a lot. They live in the area of my beach condo. Richard's work schedule has prevented him from spending a lot of time there so he only had the opportunity to meet them on one occasion and it ended up just being a social meeting at a restaurant since I had a vanilla friend with me also.

I continued to see the couple I will call them (Robbie and Bob) and I started spending time with her one on one and doing things with her and other girlfriends and one night she told me she thought she was in love with me.

I began to take the relationship more seriously but I really wanted Richard to have another opportunity to be around her and her husband to see how things might develop.

Richard purchased a Country home and Farm just 30 miles north of my beach condo which has been great! Well- come to find out- his house is 10 minutes away from Robbie and Bob's house! And that just happened- you could say it is a coincidence!!

So, since Richard has had a break in his work schedule that opportunity came about a month ago for the four of us to get together. We invited them to his Country house!! And to my great delight Robbie and Richard really hit it off!

We had our second official date – all four of us – last night. And it went very well. Richard and Robbie spent a lot of the evening just kissing and being affectionate to one another......basically getting to know one another.

It makes me so happy to have a couple that has shown up in our lives and the compatibility seems really great -all four ways. She is bisexual and she and I are very attracted to each other and feel really close to one another.

Neither Richard nor Bob feel threatened if she and I want to get together without the guys and invite another guy over for a sexual evening which we have done several times!

The guys are straight so there is no question about them getting along sexually but as far as guy talk and feeling comfortable with one another -they definitely do seem to like each other.

I just wanted to share this because I know a lot of couples get discouraged but my message is to stay true to yourself -learn how to set boundaries and say no and be able to say yes when something good comes up. Honor one another and honor each other's boundaries. Talk a lot --share -trust each other and always be honest and give each other freedom while always being there for each other.

I enjoy Bob sexually and he's got a pleasant personality also so that's great too! I am excited to see how our relationships develop and deepen through time.

It's one thing to be open to meeting other people and getting to know them and being sexual with them – that in itself it has been extremely fulfilling satisfying and exciting!

But seeing the potential of long term relationship development starting to unfold is great!! Give things time….be patient and always true to the most ethical boundaries that you can honor….and try to raise them also if necessary. Keeping the highest ethics possible goes a long way to setting the stage for something wonderful and when the wonderful comes along, the foundation is solid!!

Feel free to message me- I am a Life Coach and glad to be a sounding board for anyone who is navigating this (sometimes crazy) lifestyle!!
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