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  #1  
Old 05-22-2012, 12:20 AM
TheLizardQueen TheLizardQueen is offline
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Default Poly and Pregnant.....

Hi, my husband and I have made the switch to a polyamorous lifestyle recently. We are still kinda new to it. We have a 17 mo old baby boy and another on the way!!
He is seeing someone he had a relationship with before we met, and is madly in love with her. =) I am dating someone I met recently and I'm not too sure I can stay with this one....rubs me the wrong way alot of the time.
Recently, I've been having very depressing feelings toward the situation. When I am with my boyfriend, I can't shake the feeling that I am cheating myself, my husband, and my kids. Even though everything is open and consentual. Maybe it's because I feel I am not happy with the boyfriend, but I doubt it. More and more I am finding that it may very well be my pregnancy hormones messing with me, because my "normal self" feels ok with everything. I guess my question is that if anyone out there has dealt with the hormonal moodswings and poly at the same time, how did you do so? How can I deal with these feelings and not back out on a lifestyle that is most fitting for my husband and I?
Please feel free to ask questions if you need clarification or I have left any vital info out.....
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  #2  
Old 05-22-2012, 03:13 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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If the relationship isn't going well, breaking up is an option.
With the pregnancy, it's possible that it would work better for you not to have other relationships right now, and to ask for the support of your husband and his girlfriend, as well as your friends and family, etc. You might need to focus on yourself and your baby, sometimes that's the way it goes.

I suggest you think about it, talk about it with your husband, and evaluate the relationship with your boyfriend. If it isn't going well, you shouldn't hang on to it. Maybe you do because you are pregnant and want more company. Maybe you do because your husband has someone and you want someone too. Make sure you are with your boyfriend because you want to be with him, and if that's not the fact, consider ending things.

On the other hand, how is he "rubbing you the wrong way"? Is it fixable? I would be interested in more details.
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  #3  
Old 05-22-2012, 04:18 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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What do you think you are cheating yourself, husband, and kids out of?

I've been around enough pregnant women to know the hormones can make for some craziness and it's wise to factor that in however what about a moment of clarity ...honoring those thoughts and feeling however they might have come. Meaning it might be very easy and convenient to dismiss as hormonal. And I think it smart to ask the question or questions.
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Old 05-22-2012, 06:19 PM
TheLizardQueen TheLizardQueen is offline
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to elaborate...i cant think of any actual reasons anyone would feel cheated other than the fact this is new for us and society's version of marriage is all we have known till now. it must be really drilled into my subconscious that monogamy is the right way. i really dont feel that its my normal rational thought process though... as far as the bf rubbing me the wrong way i think its a personality clash. things like the fact he is a show off, brags too much, is pretty selfish...tries to correct people unnecessarily just to make himself feel superior. pretty immature really the more i know him, the more i wish he'd never speak lmao
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Old 05-22-2012, 07:18 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheLizardQueen View Post
to elaborate...i cant think of any actual reasons anyone would feel cheated other than the fact this is new for us and society's version of marriage is all we have known till now. it must be really drilled into my subconscious that monogamy is the right way. i really dont feel that its my normal rational thought process though... as far as the bf rubbing me the wrong way i think its a personality clash. things like the fact he is a show off, brags too much, is pretty selfish...tries to correct people unnecessarily just to make himself feel superior. pretty immature really the more i know him, the more i wish he'd never speak lmao
Sounds more of a problem with the bf and how he isn't right for you than anything else. Your cheating yourself by settling for someone you don't particularly like or respect.
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  #6  
Old 05-22-2012, 07:33 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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I don't know if you realize you shifted it from you feeling you were cheating yourself and others out of something. To you "can't think of any reason anyone would feel cheated" Those seem to be very different things ....but closely related.

At least you have a good idea of what rubs you the wrong way. Maybe it's as simple as you wasting your time with someone you feel is severely flawed. And the the time and energy could be invested in your family instead.
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  #7  
Old 05-22-2012, 09:38 PM
TheLizardQueen TheLizardQueen is offline
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i had never considered that before, guys thank yall for putting it that way!!!
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Old 05-22-2012, 11:54 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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I wish this were a more positive post, but from my experience with two pregnancies, I lost significant relationships both times. Whether it was hormones or just the amount of time/energy I needed to put into the baby, I couldn't manage to keep more than one relationship (the one with my husband) above water. Both times, though, once the baby was about 6 months old, I was able to be back in a place where I had the time, the energy and the rationality for multiple loving relationships.
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  #9  
Old 05-23-2012, 12:50 AM
TheLizardQueen TheLizardQueen is offline
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that makes sense. i feel that might be the route i go. thinking about no extra relationships feels right for me right now and not so much of a negative thing.
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