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  #11  
Old 05-21-2012, 03:51 AM
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Shannanigan Shannanigan is offline
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Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post
I would have an issue with her disappearances- open relationships don't usually work unless every is actually OPEN, being upfront and honest about everything. Which also means being honest if you're not okay with the arrangement. Just because her desire is normal doesn't mean it's automatically going to work for you.
Yup. And perhaps she was hiding where she was when she disappeared because she was too scared then to admit what was going on, and it's great that she's now willing to admit it and all, but it's going to be up to you whether you're okay with this. People can and do have friends with benefits outside of their relationship, but it's only going to be a happy arrangement if everyone is open to talking about it and is honestly okay with it.
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  #12  
Old 05-21-2012, 10:42 PM
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Originally Posted by Emm View Post
The main difference usually pointed out between the swinger and poly lifestyles is that swinging is about the sex and poly is about the relationship. If your girlfriend wants sex without any emotional connection she is somewhere toward to swinging end of the spectrum.

I think it makes sense to have a friend with benefits arrangement rather than going out to find someone new every week. The friend is a known quantity; they've already passed the "possible axe murderer?" test, you know what they're like in bed, and you know where to find them when you want them. Personally I also like the emotional connection that's not there with someone I've never met before, but that's my preference.
I dont understand how you can have a "friend" relationship without feeling anything. I have friends (dont have sex with them) but I care about them. So how is it that there is no emotional connection and just casual sex if they are also hanging out as friends would?
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  #13  
Old 05-21-2012, 10:45 PM
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Just because she has a friend with benefits (intimate friend), doesn't mean its okay for her to do whatever she wants. Open relationships need just as much negotiating as poly ones. The difference between poly and open is the sex component. Casual sex is more what open relationships are about than poly. Swinging isn't necessarily part of that.

Coming home at whatever hour when that is something she doesn't normally do would be alarming the first time and after that just down right inconsiderate if you've at least asked her to let you know she's okay. I think she might just be stringing you along. It might be that its time she get a job and support her self. At least then you would feel better about making decisions that are based on what is good for you. In the mean time, time to start talking about boundaries I think!
The reason I freaked out about her coming home at 3 am is because SHE NEVER TOLD ME that she wanted an open relationship, she didnt call me she didnt answer phone or text. She says she never had sex with the guy yet. However, Im 90% she did, you dont stay out til 3am with another guy doing what? she doesnt drink and we live in a smaller town where there isnt anything to do but go to a bar.
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  #14  
Old 05-21-2012, 10:46 PM
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I dont understand how you can have a "friend" relationship without feeling anything. I have friends (dont have sex with them) but I care about them. So how is it that there is no emotional connection and just casual sex if they are also hanging out as friends would?
I have had friends I knew I wouldn't want to have a committed relationship with and sex was part of the relationship. I've had committed relationships that haven't involved sex. It all becomes evident in time where a relationship feels most comfortable and where it will go.
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  #15  
Old 05-21-2012, 10:48 PM
corey corey is offline
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Originally Posted by Shannanigan View Post
Yup. And perhaps she was hiding where she was when she disappeared because she was too scared then to admit what was going on, and it's great that she's now willing to admit it and all, but it's going to be up to you whether you're okay with this. People can and do have friends with benefits outside of their relationship, but it's only going to be a happy arrangement if everyone is open to talking about it and is honestly okay with it.
I dont understand why she would admit to where she was, but not admit to having sex with him. Get home at 3am? I dont even know how long she has been talking to and/or seeing this guy before she admitted it. So she is still keeping some things from me.

And she gets angry when I try to talk to her about some of these things saying im being over jealous and clingy. The answer to that is yes and no, however the fact remains she needs to provide some answers
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