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  #321  
Old 04-22-2013, 04:46 AM
KerrBear KerrBear is offline
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Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post
None of us have ever been swingers.

I do enjoy casual sex in a FWB type of fashion. No real interest in pursuing sex with strangers - although I wouldn't rule out a one night stand with someone that I really connected with over the course of an evening.

JaneQ
Most of our encounters have been with FWB type of deal as well. Although, they were not super good, longtime friendships.
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  #322  
Old 04-22-2013, 04:48 AM
KerrBear KerrBear is offline
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
I had casual encounters before I married or knew of poly. But I can't get off in that dynamic. So-no desire to repeat.
I like casual sex, but I rarely orgasm with a stranger. Even friends that I know and really like can't make me climax. I liked swinging cause of the rush and the fun sex I could have with my husband afterwards.
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Me: Late 20's "hinge" to a V. New to Poly but previous swinger for roughly 4 years. Married since 2008 but together since 2007.

Husband: Mid 30's. Maybe Poly but not monogamous. Swinger.

Beaner: My recent ex and my first poly relationship.
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  #323  
Old 04-22-2013, 03:46 PM
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Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
I don't consider myself a swinger although I have partner swapped. I am not into totally anonymous sex. I have to know someone at least a little. But I am in an open relationship and have a friends with benefits connection with someone. So yes I like and want casual sex in addition to my relationship. But I think lots of people are poly and not be into casual sex.
Same here. We met a couple once. We thought they were poly, we went for a get together and ended up sleeping with them. Turns or they were hard core swingers and they had no intetest in being anything to us. It really hurt, I liked them and felt used. I have no interest in swinging but I do enjoy fwb, the friendship really needs to be there.
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  #324  
Old 04-22-2013, 10:31 PM
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My husband and I used to swing and engage in casual sex before meeting my now live in bf and two other partners. I dont any more as I never liked it or felt comfortable with it. I don't blossom into a healthy sexual person in such circumstances. I have in the committed relationships I am now in.

The first thing I find out from new loves is their personal take on swinging and if they are interested in casual sex I won't date people who are swingers or engage in casual sex but I have a number of friends who are into it all. I find it to be a complete turn off. As much as I've tried to get the appeal I just can't. Each to their own though. There are people who fit my life and people who don't. I jist don't fit into an intimate relationship with any one who enjoys casual sex.
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  #325  
Old 04-22-2013, 10:31 PM
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My husband and I used to swing and engage in casual sex before meeting my now live in bf and two other partners. I don't any more as I never liked it or felt comfortable with it. I don't blossom into a healthy sexual person in such circumstances. I have in the committed relationships I am now in.

The first thing I find out from new loves is their personal take on swinging and if they are interested in casual sex I won't date people who are swingers or engage in casual sex.

I have a number of friends who are into it all. I find it to be a complete turn off. As much as I've tried to get the appeal I just can't. Each to their own though. There are people who fit my life and people who don't.
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Last edited by redpepper; 04-26-2013 at 05:30 AM.
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  #326  
Old 04-22-2013, 11:13 PM
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NutBusterX NutBusterX is offline
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For me, sex is far less rewarding when I don't have a deep emotional connection. with my partner. There have been no lack of offers, for either of us, but I'm about 98% sure it isn't something I'd enjoy.
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  #327  
Old 05-20-2013, 10:55 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KerrBear View Post
How many of you have been or are swingers? Were you swingers before you became poly? Or did you try swinging after you discovered you were a poly person?
Never been a swinger, and I can't even date an ex-swinger without feeling weird about it. I have no qualms about being with someone who has had an active sex life with many partners. It's just that the impression I get about swinging (from what I've been told) is that it's so-o-oo regimented and extremely measured. I've conversed online with people who have specific formulas for the threesomes or swaps they do with swing partners, like they only give 20% attention to a new swing partner and make sure 80% must go to established partner - yuck! I dislike a rules-based approach to sex. I also dislike how, in swinging it is all supposed to be strictly unemotional and purely recreational. I'd be very cautious about dating anyone who enjoyed that because I don't want to be a toy. I have thought about going to a sex club as just an observer, to see what the appeal is, but it would be just to satisfy my curiosity from an anthropological perspective. I'm curious about a lot of things I would never, ever want to actually do.

Quote:
Originally Posted by KerrBear View Post
If you're in a successful poly relationship, do you still have desires to have casual, no strings sex with others? Or do you keep yourself now to only your poly partners?
I have nothing against having casual sex, but that doesn't mean I have random sex with strangers, and I wouldn't call the kind of casual sex I engage in "no strings," either. I want some kind of connection beyond the physical. That being said, I don't have the kinds of committed partners that are fully-entwined in my day-to-day life. My poly approach is mostly to develop friendships with men that I want to also have sex with, as I don't want those boyfriend-type of partnerships and want more casual parameters for my relationships. So, for me, there is no commitment nor need to be sexually faithful to the people I get involved with, although I like to be informed of what my FWBs are up to, from a safety standpoint.


Quote:
Originally Posted by KerrBear View Post
I'm finding that I'm not really interested in sexual relationships outside of my husband and my boyfriend. It might be NRE, but I know that when I had NRE with my husband, I was still sexually drawn to other men. Now that I have two people I love, I feel completed and have no real interest in sex with other people. Was wondering if other people have experienced this as well. . .
For lots of people, two relationships is quite enough. Nothing odd about that. Practicing polyamory doesn't automatically mean you have to go around having a sexual free-for-all or remain open to any possibility that comes along. Sounds like you're satisfied with what you have - how nice!
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Last edited by nycindie; 06-08-2014 at 07:52 AM.
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  #328  
Old 05-20-2013, 11:03 AM
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Originally Posted by KerrBear View Post
I don't know if it's a temporary feeling, but the thought of swinging makes me feel cheapened while before it made me feel like I was having a good time. Perhaps it's a side effect of NRE? No sure. Thanks for the reply
It depends on a lot of different things for me, I met some great people and not so great people, when I started swinging it was fun and then got feelings for someone ( someone who I don't talk to anymore) and I thought maybe I am not cut our for swinging and then I met A and have been very happy ever since.
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  #329  
Old 05-20-2013, 02:24 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KerrBear View Post
If you're in a successful poly relationship, do you still have desires to have casual, no strings sex with others? Or do you keep yourself now to only your poly partners?
I've had casual sex encounters in the past with people I'd just met and enjoyed it a great deal. It's something I've only done a couple of times and is not a primary interest for me. I'm much more interested in intimate connection and feelings of love these days so I am not moved to get involved in a casual sex type of situation (like swinging).

I don't have anything against swingers, it seems like a natural transition for people to move from monogamous to some form of swinging and then possibly to polyamory. I suppose my previous relationships could be seen as swinging-lite since we didn't do clubs or other swingers but there was plenty of restricted play with friends etc.

As far as sex with "no strings attached": I don't like the idea of assumptions being tacked on to my relationships or encounters. Not sure what "strings" come with having sex with someone, or falling in love with someone, but I know I don't want them tied to me!
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  #330  
Old 05-23-2013, 08:26 PM
LadySFI LadySFI is offline
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I have been a swinger since I was 18. I do enjoy parts of it, but haven't done it in years. Recently figured out why. It wasn't just about the sex. The sex is nice, but I am really wary of STD's and it is all I can think about when considering sex with a person whom I have no knowledge of their background.

Only in the past couple weeks have I had the epiphany that I have been poly all along. I wouldn't mind swinging with my boys, but it would be better if the SO found himself a poly situation with a bisexual poly girl that he also enjoyed spending time with. Otherwise, I have a hard time relaxing.
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