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  #61  
Old 10-23-2010, 08:20 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Default Less than a week away!

Things are happening fast. I've started moving in as i work on the suite. I am mentally more there than in my apartment now and am looking forward to ending nights like tonight by just going downstairs as opposed to across town. I am trying to let go of the feeling of encroaching on PN's territory so to speak and getting used to the idea of spending more time with Redpeper. My concern is the perception of balance as always LOL!

Every now and then I get hit by just how unusual this is and a strange, "we shouldn't do this for so many reasons" feeling. Mostly they are driven by a subconscious/conscious thought that PN can't be happy with this. Other concerns include my becoming very connected to the space, yard and house to the point of morphing into a room-mate but not a mate. If I lose myself in that connection it can be as detrimental as forming a connection with another woman to some degree. It happened in my previous relationship and sustained me for several years before I crashed and burned . A sure sign of that would be my lack of concern for things going on in Redpepper's life. That possibly would be ok for her in that maybe it would give her more freedom, but for me it would be like opening a door to the unconscious change in how I feel about her. I don't think she would be happy with moving her boyfriend into her family home only to have him become a family friend LOL!

The maintenance of my intimate connection with her is always at the forefront for me. I kinda like the "with benefits" aspect of our relationship LOL!

Back to the good stuff....this move will keep my love close to her son, close to me and hopefully more present with PN! I can foresee a summer of backyard relaxing and social gatherings
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  #62  
Old 10-24-2010, 07:35 PM
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PixieStyx PixieStyx is offline
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Hmmm....We are considering the same thing in our poly relationship. Me, Hubby and Boyfriend all living together. I'm hesitant because we would be moving into my boyfriend's house and renting out his basement. He just had back surgery and it doesn't look like he's going to get his short term disability. So he's going to need help with the bills plus our house is too expensive for us and we could use a cheaper place. So we are talking of pooling our resources together. We were also thinking of moving out of state together so that we could date without worrying about being seen by family and friends who aren't aware of our polyamorous relationships. BUT now that we got the kids enrolled in the private school that I've wanted to put them in forever we don't want to pull them out after just a couple months so we have decided to stay in town.
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  #63  
Old 10-25-2010, 07:46 AM
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I'm in the suite...first night. What a day of moving and setting up. I have Redpepper to thank for the completed movement of my stuff. She is a dynamo of getting things done! PN and her son also helped and it went extremely fast. Thanks to Redpepper a lot of stress has been lifted around the tight time frame and I find myself way ahead of the game! The space is very cool and I am eager to get it all organized. I'm a little nervous, new place to sleep, the next chapter of our lives together. Mostly excited and very happy Time for bed!

Thanks Lilo..you are amazing and I love you
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  #64  
Old 10-26-2010, 02:41 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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I promise not to update every day and night of our co-habitation experience LOL! Last night was was indicative of what I would like to see happen more of. Monday is Redpepper's "her" night. I went to pick up thier son so I could spend some time with my little buddy as well as give his parents a break from the traffic after work. We had a good chat and I asked him if he would like to help me unpack some books and other things for my book shelf. WHen we got home, I briefly said hi to PN and gave Redpepper a hand with her outfit for her upcoming Burlesque show.

I then retreated to my personal spcae below (which I am having a lot of NRE for) and cooked up some supper. I invited PN down to check out the layout and him and his son came down. We chatted a bit aboput reno costs and about how we were each doing and boundaries for thier son. He then left me and LB (Little Buddy) to hang out and unpack. LB was very helpful and he hung out for almost an hour before his bedtime. Later in the evening Redpepper came down to watch a show after PN had turned in and she slept in her new room.

I was comforting to wake up and kiss her good bye, but there is a little bit of "how can we be doing this" going on. I was a little guilty because she was downstairs in my space and having a hard time believing that PN is good with everything so far....The idea that PN can be healthy with this will take a lot longer to get used to than the idea of living together.

I'm also letting the experiences of others who have taken this step seep in to my own. What will be next? Am I living with a false sense of calmness and is everyone truly happy with the dynamic, boundaries and criteria to be together?


I'm pretty happy in general but staying alert LOL!
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  #65  
Old 10-26-2010, 04:12 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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Mono - its ok if you update every day - people have a tendency to post mostly the negativity and crap - so getting to see how good it can be - its awesome
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  #66  
Old 10-26-2010, 05:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marksbabygirl View Post
Mono - its ok if you update every day - people have a tendency to post mostly the negativity and crap - so getting to see how good it can be - its awesome
Thanks MBG I'm going to try to be as open and honest about all sides of this. The experiences of others have helped us avoid so many obstacles andmistakes that I would like to give back by sharing.
Take care and put a smile on that pretty face
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  #67  
Old 10-27-2010, 04:13 AM
booklady78 booklady78 is offline
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*big smile*
I'm so happy to hear it's going well for everyone!
I think our biggest worry as well was making sure everyone had their own space. Sounds like you guys are developing some boundaries and communicating well so far.
Gotta love the NRE of a new space!!
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  #68  
Old 10-27-2010, 04:28 AM
eklctc eklctc is offline
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That is great, MonoV. I am happy for you. That is the goal in my poly relationship as well (for me to move in with the couple). I spend the weekend pretty regularly so we have an idea of how it would work. I just have some concerns about space and household duties. I'm so used to living alone or being the dominant one in the household so I don't know how eager I am to move into the space of others and adapting to the organization and housekeeping of others without trying to take over. Alas, I have at least a year to consider that.
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  #69  
Old 10-27-2010, 06:29 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by booklady78 View Post
*big smile*

Gotta love the NRE of a new space!!
Thanks and you are right about the new space NRE. It has so much more potential as a home for me that I simply enjoy being there. There is some concern with that in respect to maintaining a connection with PN because I haven't been seeing as much of him as I like. I wrote him an e-mail about that just to check in.

eklctc - I am also very used to having my own space with total control. I still have a lot of that and am enjoying having visits with LB and obviously having Redpepper around.

I find it is most important to ask for what I need to feel comfortable and healthy. I am also finding a lot of excitement in trying to give more space to RP and PN so that they have more storage and living space for themselves.

There are lots of projects coming up that I need to prioritze and pace myself for. I'm very excited with how things are evolving and admittedly have some nagging concerns that are hovering over my shoulder. I'm not ready to share or confront those because they are nothing new and are not even issues for now.

The story continues
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  #70  
Old 10-27-2010, 06:36 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Mon -

You have your own kitchenette too ? Sweet if you do.
Cooking, cleanup, smells etc - small things, but unlike sand in an oyster - don't always make pearls.



GS
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